What is the most inappropriate Christmas gift you could give?

Given the time of year(ok its still November)what would you send or give someone a gift that will
A. Really piss them off
B. Send them into total meltdown
c. keep the reciept and watch the feckers squirm.

My gift is to the ex MIL every year she gets a box of Pollifilla and a small trowel. Uses a lot of make up so i thought its the gift to give.
Bah feckin humbug roll on easter.
A primary school maths book to the abbotpottamus?


Kit Reviewer
Reviews Editor
Care boxes sent to whatever BFPO I can think of with the words ' STAG ON YOU CUNT ' in newspaper clippings sat on a blob of shit. :D

Gout Man

Book Reviewer
Don't let the Thought Police hear you say that. They may do a dawn raid to confiscate your DVD collection as "Tools of a possible hate crime".
I wonder what happened to bonfire gang? Not heard much of that recently.

Gout Man

Book Reviewer
Manchester City Annual 2018 to Jose Mourinho
He migh5 fecking learn something from it!
Although hopefully by Christmas he’ll be gone.
I wonder what happened to bonfire gang? Not heard much of that recently.
The guys who got arrested for burning the Grenfell Tower effigy? I think the CPS will double down and charge them with a public order offence of some kind. Judging by what happend to Count Dankula (Mark Meecham) for teaching his girlfriends Pug dog to lift its right leg up every time he shouted 'Gas the Jews', the prosecution allegedly accused him in court of radicalising the dog. If nothing else the CPS do a good job of keeping people with a morbid sense of humour going.


Book Reviewer
I had thought of getting the @The_Snail a one year's subscription to a John Lloyd fitness centre with a personal trainer thrown in, but first I have to figure out how to mount the hidden camera to immortalise the moment when said personal trainer tells our beloved Sluggy that she's got to take some exercise.

( I suspect the video might be X-rated....)

Wordsmith :smile:
Anything nice, useful or thoughtful to Tony Blair.
Anything nice, useful or thoughtful to Tony Blair.
A weapons of mass destrucion storage facilities and how to tell they aren't toilet factories handbook?
A mate's missus (now ex) used to kvetch about him never giving her flowers. He brought home a cauliflower one day and that was the last of it. Never another word from her about flowers.
The Christmas before it all went to rat-shit the first Mrs Maximus wanted a new(er) car to replace the knackered old Granada a) I liked and b) was all we could afford at the time. She went on and on about it. We were staying with her Mother (a lovely woman, I married the wrong one) for a few weeks as we were between houses (another reason to be skint). So in the evening of Christmas Eve I cleared the garage and wouldn't let her in. On Christmas morning she made a bee-line for the door to be greeted by a large, empty floor with a Dinky car in the middle of it. Oh well...….

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