What is the greatest arrse post that you have ever read?

Ladies and Gentlemen,
Over the years, the fine membership of arrse has produced some outstanding and exceptional one liners, dits of derring do, and extremely indepth and knowledgeable posts.
Is there a particular arrse post that you will never forget?
One particular arrse's simplistic one liner - that has always stuck with me (for some reason) since I first read it, was where a little twät was gobbing off on one particular thread. He then went on to claim that he was off to see a 'blonde' that night.
To which someone just asked him whether the 'blonde' was a Retriever.
Simple in it's brilliance.
Over to you.
 
Kill yourself.
 
Ladies and Gentlemen,
Over the years, the fine membership of arrse has produced some outstanding and exceptional one liners, dits of derring do, and extremely indepth and knowledgeable posts.
Is there a particular arrse post that you will never forget?
One particular arrse's simplistic one liner - that has always stuck with me (for some reason) since I first read it, was where a little twät was gobbing off on one particular thread. He then went on to claim that he was off to see a 'blonde' that night.
To which someone just asked him whether the 'blonde' was a Retriever.
Simple in it's brilliance.
Over to you.

@RTFQ "pardon my erection". Weeping with laughter.
 
Ladies and Gentlemen,
Over the years, the fine membership of arrse has produced some outstanding and exceptional one liners, dits of derring do, and extremely indepth and knowledgeable posts.
Is there a particular arrse post that you will never forget?
One particular arrse's simplistic one liner - that has always stuck with me (for some reason) since I first read it, was where a little twät was gobbing off on one particular thread. He then went on to claim that he was off to see a 'blonde' that night.
To which someone just asked him whether the 'blonde' was a Retriever.
Simple in it's brilliance.
Over to you.
Anything by RTFQ.

Although, Ravers' Memoirs of a Matelot comes close as a whole thread.
 
I've mentioned it before but @Ancient_Mariner's dit about the idiot matelots nicking the ship's steering wheel and running around the deck with it still has me in stitches.

Alternatively any thread started by convoy_cock is guaranteed to contain some hilarious posts - the one about training his kids to be mini squaddies produced some candidates for this thread, as did the squaddies trying to behave like normal people one.
 
Anyone remember the dits by the bloke who was a land shark keeper over the water?
Didn't his dog take a bite out of an undercover trooper from 'them?'
 

Zhopa

War Hero
Anyone remember the dits by the bloke who was a land shark keeper over the water?
Didn't his dog take a bite out of an undercover trooper from 'them?'
Yep.... The ARRSE thread that was so good they made a book of it.

 
Ladies and Gentlemen,
Over the years, the fine membership of arrse has produced some outstanding and exceptional one liners, dits of derring do, and extremely indepth and knowledgeable posts.
Is there a particular arrse post that you will never forget?
One particular arrse's simplistic one liner - that has always stuck with me (for some reason) since I first read it, was where a little twät was gobbing off on one particular thread. He then went on to claim that he was off to see a 'blonde' that night.
To which someone just asked him whether the 'blonde' was a Retriever.
Simple in it's brilliance.
Over to you.
Stumpy , still tests my bladder endurance , sheer brilliance. for an all time classic ARRSE thread, the Swordsman posts
 
By @eodmatt ~7 years ago about ARRSE .....


It is a place where people don fancy dress, false personae and nom de plumes'ssss to comment on life in general and and things in particular.[
The membership of arrse comprises the callow youth; the man hunting females; the gay (and dishevelled y) padres; the old, bold and hoary - not to mention the hirsute and hairless, the frugal and careless, the Cavalier (that's me, apparently) and the purple tipped Roundhead; the intrepid bungler; the vapid wonderer and the occasional sentient bloke.

The threads and fora are a maze of phantasy - enter here and you enter a wonder-world of sparkling inconsequentia, fact, fiction, opinion, bollocks and utter bollocks. And the occasional cogent concept.

Within these hallowed cloisters maybe be found lurking hermits, sages, poets, artists (including piss artists), snake oil doctors, dentists, mentalists, amateur gynaecologists, bus drivers, gardeners (uphill), taxi drivers, van drivers connivers, spivs, chavs, bluffers, tossers, rozzers, blaggers, tykes, scallywags, gwars, mlars, jolly jack tars, the airforce, bearforce, perforce, the out of work force, the indignant, pregnant, recalcitrant and the saintly.


And the entire magnificent edifice of semi coherent thoughts, adolescent dreams and outlandish misconceptions is held together with alcohol and black masking tape.
Says it all .
 
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I've mentioned it before but @Ancient_Mariner's dit about the idiot matelots nicking the ship's steering wheel and running around the deck with it still has me in stitches.

Alternatively any thread started by convoy_cock is guaranteed to contain some hilarious posts - the one about training his kids to be mini squaddies produced some candidates for this thread, as did the squaddies trying to behave like normal people one.

Milling for pre-birth babies, was that him?
 
Thread-----------https://www.arrse.co.uk/community/threads/memories-of-kenya.161120/

I've never been to Kenya.
 
Chief_Two used to come up with some amusing posts although his earlier incarnation (forgotten his username, something WO1) was even funnier.

Jeez, it seems like only yesterday but it was 14+ years ago.
 

Auld-Yin

ADC
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
Chief_Two used to come up with some amusing posts although his earlier incarnation (forgotten his username, something WO1) was even funnier.

Jeez, it seems like only yesterday but it was 14+ years ago.
Here we go......

Arrse isn't as good as it used to be! :D. :twisted:
 

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