What i would do if i was the Prime minister.

Discussion in 'The Lamp and Sandbag II - The Tall Story Strikes B' started by paveway_3, Apr 3, 2006.

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  1. The title says it all , but please feel free to join in with your own points for the ARRSE party manifesto.

    1) The Minister for Defence would have to be a serving General/Admiral/Whatever the RAF have .
    (so we have a bloke in who knows the difference between an SA80 and OMD 80)
    2) Everyone who signs on the dole has to report for 20 hrs a week community service until they get a job.

    3) All professional football players have to complete 2 months off season military service , complete with
    military haircuts and denote their 2 months football earnings to RBL/sponsoring units sqn booze up find.

    4)All students are to be seen and not heard until they have earnt the right speak when they get a job and
    they pay taxes.

    5) Servicemen and women will not pay taxes when they are deployed overseas.

    6) Servicemen and women will get free entry into all nightclubs and receive a free drink on entry.

    7) Glasgow pay pay,manning and records will be bombed , and a new establishment will be built
    that ensures you get the right pay at the right time .

    8 ) All ''Chavs'' will be moved to the Isle of man.

    9) ''Posh'' spice will be formally told that she has no talent at all , and she is to take her fecking stupid goggles off.

    10) If you claim off the state yet you dont swear alligence to the Queen and Great Britain you will be deported to Australia
    (we know what the aussies do :lol: :lol: ).
     
  2. I'd give all his staff a big fat pay rise and cut them to a 15 hour week. :D

    Beebs x
     
  3. 1. School sports and physical exercise would be a mandatory 3 days a week thing.

    2. All police applicants must have completed atleast 4 years military service.

    3. Imagrants would be fcuked off double time unless they could prove infront of a board of examiners that they had a useful trade.

    4. All foreigners living in England would be told to live how we live and adapt or take there Own countries traditions and fcuk off!

    5. HM forces or government work or would be rewarded by a paid housing grant!

    6. National service would not be brought in but failure to volunteer for military service would result in increased Taxes until 28 years of age.

    7. Job seekers allowance would only be available for the first 3 job offers. After that all Allowances and benefits would be stopped!

    8. The house of Lords would be abandoned!

    9. Parents would be awarded for their children excelling in sports or academic competitions!

    10. I would put the Great back into Great Britain!
     
  4. 1) No person would be allowed to sit next to anyone on the train if said individual wants a kip. 2) The Sun 'newspaper' would, in an ironic twist of fate, be utterly destroyed by an immensley powerful, yet astonishingly accurate coronal ejection from our very own star. (Not Daily)
     
  5. Well...(1) was actually tried in Japan prior to WW2. The practical upshot was that the Government came under the control of the military - you need an Minister of Defence and if the Gov't doesn't do what the mil likes, the Minister is simply ordered to resign by his superiors who then refuse to supply a successor. The Government then collapses. Repeat until you have a tame Government taking its orders from the service chiefs.

    2) So in effect they'd be employed by the state for 20hrs per week...better rack the dole up to minimum wage levels then, or there's going to be trouble.

    3) No argument.

    4) Except that some of the students I knew at uni were fairly sensible people (granted, we were doing the 'heavy' courses - Chemistry, Engineering, Medicine, etc). Totally agree for the courses such as BA Modern Basket Weaving and PhD Drama (just how on earth do you do a research degree in Drama, ferchrissake?)

    5) This isn't already the case?

    6) Hands up who disagrees...right..thought so.

    7) Better shoot all the inhabitants as well, just to be safe (though I've never met a civilian payroll dept that got my pay right first month either, it seems to be a universal problem).

    8 ) And then nuke the Isle of Man. Repeatedly.

    9) Preferably after being relocated to the Isle of Man, just before the events of (8 ).

    10) Also add - 'or if you swear allegiance then break your oath by breaking the law, then', imemdiately after 'Britain'.

    Edit: hate smileys...kill smileys...
     
  6. 1) It would be illegal to serve a Mcdonalds burger with that horrible green pickle thing in .
    2)No base ball caps to be worn indoors.
    3)Civvies have to pass a BPFA to qualify for free NHS treatment .
    4)There will be a national Flag day where the Union flag will be flown by ALL house holds
    , failure to comply will mean a hefty fine .
     
  7. 1. All unemployed males commiting criminal offences between the ages of 18 - 22 should report to copehill down every tuesday and thursday to act as Civpop for Public order until they have either been seriously injured or decided to join up!

    2. Speeding fines would be increased between the hours of 2200 and 0600 to combat Max Power knobbers!

    3. The all male operational Police force would be issued with baton guns and would use them on a judge dread system!

    4. Healthy women would recieve benefits for not being fat and unappealing to the eye!

    5. Unhealthy people would be refused emplyment until they got fit. Failure to comply would result in being moved to the Isle of man!
     
  8. I would brick up the channel tunnel at the French end, in complete secrecy, then spend millions on an advertising campaign letting all immigrants know that there is to be a race threw the tunnel the first 1000 threw will get 11'y million squid and a passport. Then and this is the clever bit, once there all threw this end, brick this end up and flood the fecker! Killing two birds with one stone!
    1) getting rid of all the immigrants
    2) disconnecting this Great Island from that horrible place.
     
  9. Long time back, I stood in a big space at Worthy Downs when they switched 'on' a big computer that was going to totally revolutionise all Army pay and allowances.
    Don't tell me it's broken?
     
  10. I would do the decent thing and shoot myself.

    Yes, that is a hint for Terrible Tony
     
  11. edited... it was just making me angry and the list was getting bigger :)
     
  12. Cutaway

    Cutaway LE Reviewer

    Hopefully Göbbels style & take the WMF & their spawn too.
     
  13. hmmmm

    1. Ban the Dole for anyone who is found not making an effort to find work.
    2. Students not on a useful degree course must act as batmen to those ofn a useful degree course!
    3. Any cars found with them annoying flurecent lights under them will be immediatly towed and destroyed
    4. MPs will work for the good of the country, not themselves.
    5. We will work with the USA when necessary, not be their lap dogs!!
    6. Motorway speed limit will go up to around 100mph

    That will do for now, as you can tell, some were inspired by what was written previously!
     
  14. a. Travel on all Public Transport would be free on production of an MOD Form 90.
    b. Ugly / Fat / Unemployed wimmin would have mandatory sterilisation carried out by the Army Vetinary Corps
    c. Married quarters / Messes / Singlie Blocks would be bought up the same standard that the US Forces have in Europe
    d. Sack all civilian catering firms and have all messes staffed by soldiers for soldiers
    e. Give all soldiers a 3% mortgage from an MoD bank to help them get on the property ladder
    f. Re-introduce the Junior Leaders
    g. Have every single bunk / mess room and Married Quarter having a mandatory broadband PC so you can do your own pay and online training and free use of the web
    h. Have a 15% payrise
    i. Pass a law that gives servicemen the same rights as police so they can arrest immigrants, charity muggers, boy racers
    j. Insist that all Members of Parliament visit any MoD establishment in their patch at least once a year for an all ranks forum
    k. Introduce an 0808 free phone for bullying/harrasment/drug taking/ fiddling of expenses staffed by retired SNCO's from the RMP.
     
  15. 1. Put all my mates in the House of Lords.
    2. Get the wife to do lecture tours to bring in a bit of cash so we can have a big house.
    3. Make big ill thought out policy statments and then go for a lie down so nothing gets done.
    4. Start a war, coz my mate across the pond thinks it's a good idea.
    5. Finally, shmooze my way in Europe to become president of EU or failing that Secretary General of UN.

    What!! Who says it's mostly been done before.