What habits do Officers have that make you laugh?

There are some things that, without wishing to tar all Officers with the same brush, are common amongst them that make myself and some of my fellow thickoes chuckle. I don't wish for this to turn into an Officers v NCOs thread, and I don't wish to come across as chippy, as the Officers have PLENTY of ammo to throw back at us, but things that amuse me include such things as:

-Labradors. I mean, really, on paracord?
-Writing with a fountain pen in the field.
-Having no Latin, and so not understanding the "Peccavi" joke.
-Not realsing we have long ago clocked the number of Golf GTIs
-Not realising what "Sir" means.

I'll leave it for now and see what anyone else comes up with before I do get giggly...

I myself work with universally admired Officers, but I'm just lucky, I suppose.


Well I had one OC who had won the MC and he had a bloody irritating habit of picking his nose with the stump of the forefinger on his right hand. He'd lost the rest winning his gong. I always wanted to scream at him to use a freaking pencil or another finger, or summat!
I once met a TA officer who kept saying "ya" and even corrected himself when he said yes by accident. Although he was with the Duke of Westminster's contingency, so he more than likely really did talk like that.

Gosh, typing above a ruler really does work.


I once had a senior officer refer to a more junior officer in the following terms:

"The problem with Giles is that he lacked a dammed good Nanny when he was young. I owe everything I am today to my Nanny"

I realised in that moment that they are not only a breed apart, they are a complete planet apart!
Turning DII on.

'Damnations! What the hell is my password!'

'You wrote it under your... mousemat, Sir'

'Ah yes, So I did. Hurrah for the mousemat, eh?!'

It's nigh on a daily occurrence...
In Macedonia in 1999 for Op Agricola, before the lads went into Kosovo.

Putting up a lighting set on a refugee camp, whilst everybody is flapping and not really knowing what is happening.

Brig comes up to our section, looks at the lighting set and says, very loudly and enthusiastically "Take it down boy's, we're going North!!!".

And just to reiterate the direction we were going, he pointed south.
Everything! ! !
from the way they say stupid things like "o crumbs" and "many thanks" to the damn right stupidity and lack of common sense (especially RO's that clutch on to any job whether it be a SO job at apc to a friggin job at a corp ass)
just had to get that off me chest
How about starting stupid threads then whining when it's "Hijacked" by NCO's who are just using it as another "Us and Them" thread. FFS, give me strength!

Patronising Gimps!
Cavalry Officers dress sense is weird. Definatly keep the fashion police busy.
The inability of some (mainly cav anddoctors/dentists) not to mix and match as many different types of uniform.

I was doing a night nav on night and my OC and Troop Commander were in my group. They were like 5 year olds. My Troop Commander kept spouting carp and the OC would tell her to pipe down. Sho had to have the last word. Still, it kept morale up for the 20 miles or so we did across Dartmoor.
Young Subbies who, when you eventually do something for them, say things like "Oh Jolly Good, How very kind of you, thank you for taking the time" when all you have done is send a fax or something as menial.

Passed over Major's who actually think they are important, when infact all they are doing is hanging on for grim death before retiring, whether or not by choice.


Now now boys, lets be "pacific" about this. Ruler writing? What is that for?

I remember a "pub quiz" on Ops which my Coy officers and I won. The Coy SNCOs sulked and claimed it wasn't fair because we had "thousands of pounds of education" between us. Actually, we were all state educated and non of us had an A Level in "intros to hits from the 80s".

And for the love of God - it is a "mural" not a "murial".

Really, what sort of Nannies did you have?
Just before Telic kicked off I overheard the Squadron 2 i/c phoning his mum saying :

" Hi Mother I'm off to war."

What a C0CK!!
Abuse of military transport is one thing that used to grip my sh*t, how come officers will always get a mini bus and a driver if they are having a function yet when the screws are having one there is no chance!
What about dogs too? I lost count of the amount of times ive tripped over a f*cking labrador in a corridor over years!
Or how about when you get a young subbie who gets all excited about organising a "Plattoon bonding day" at the f*cking bowling alley?


Barton Stacy 2005

OC "Where's the duty mobile, there's been an incident ?"

Tp Sgt " Dunno Sir, gave it to you before i came off shift "

OC (getting irate) " Well someone facking ring it now, i facking need it "

Tp Sgt (rings duty number from own mobile)

Sound of phone ringing in OCs pocket who then, like the biff he is, takes it out of his pocket and talks into the magic box " Hellllllllllllo, OC speaking "

Missing phone found ......D'Oh

PS Some of those murials in Londonderry are phantastic :D
Op Granby. OC Wksp attached 9 x 9 to rear of Landrover. Drove off next morning with it still attached.

Same bloke stood on top of said vehicle trying to get his GPS thingy to work. Called Tiffy over "Staff can you fix this I can't get a signal"

Tiffy takes it and hands back "Try switching it on"



War Hero
Things that actually make me laugh:

1. Watching career Officers creep. Career laughs, over enthusiam, oh yes Brigadier, you look so lovely in stockings and suspenders....I'll bend over now and...

2. The clothing. Ok when subbies but after a year or two, OMG, people must stare in the street and think their from a TV show.

3. When the ones who are from humble backgrounds try to emulate Mr d'Arcy from Pride & Predjudice.

Otherwise, like all humans, some good ones - some bad ones.!

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