What do you think is the most swearing you have ever done?

Every day of the ****ing week, when I open the hallowed pages of the Daily Mail.

Enraged of Morecombe :evil:
When I caught the tip of my co*k in my flys
Ten minutes, when allegedly I did not repeat myself, as I chased a CPO round and round the CP tent belabouring him with a gun marker because he forgot to pick up the gun line section commander at the last position...cnut. It was a long way into an exercise, we were all threaders and "luckily we all saw the funny side" -especially a certain large Welsh SMIG who stood on Battery Centre commentating on the hand tannoy for the benefit of those unable to see H1....
most days when working in civvi job and dealing with joe public moaning all day every day.....

....bunch of F*ck faced, sniveling Bast8888d, cnut nosed, fudge packing, tw@ting little grinners !!

Did i quit.....f8888kin' right i did !!!

wwwwooooooo ssssaaaaaaa, wwwoooo ssssaaaaaaa
Tabbing up a hill at cape wrath with half the sig pltn kit on my back with rain that was so bad i saw a duck in a gortex. Wouldn't of been swearing but the half col. guiding me to my pos was ex 23 and as fit as a butchers dog. He was carrying the other half of the sig pltn kit and even with the 20 ish years he had on me was tabbing me into the ground. Didn't even know i was swearing until OC asked after the ex how I'd managed to keep up swearing at myself for 2 hours.
Looking back I'm glad i did it but don't fancy it again...
I was a section commander on the final attack on some course or other. In the middle of a section attack rifleman stands up and, very kindly, asked me not to swear when giving orders. My reply lasted a good couple of minutes involved alot of swearing and spraying gob at him, cnut.
2 Days from the start of my resettlement course in '99 I was told I was off to Kosovo because some sprogs wife wasn't happy he was being sent there so soon after returning from Bosnia just 2 months before, and threatend to write to the local MP.
I was on the same Bosnia tour too. I got to my unit who had been there for ages to be greeted with 'What are YOU doing here?' and 'We didn't ask for you to be sent out'. It turned out the families officer (OC rear party) just wanted an easy time and sent everyone he could so he didn't have to work.
I swore violently for 2 months and took great pleasure in telling every senior officer just what I thought about the situation (right up to and including a Maj Gen)..
Broke wrist playing hopscotch or something with my small friends pre-GCSEs.

Very nice Indian doctor promised to reset it under general anaesthetic. Fulfilled promise but accidentally trapped major nerve between two ends of broken bone (Bleddy Indjun doctors comin' over 'ere stealing vacant posts in the NHS, instead of lettin' us die on proper British operatin' tables like we used ter be able ter, Daily Mail, rivers of blood, bleh bleh bleh)

Spent 14 hours with bone fragments slowly chewing nerve to pieces.

Swore a lot. Was told by night nurse that for some highly implausible reason I was 'nil by mouth', and the only option was gulp!, a suppository.

Took it like a man. Went to sleep with a smile on my face. No major hang ups since.
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