What do you do before sex?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by vvaannmmaann, Sep 2, 2009.

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  1. I normally put my gloves and balaclava on then grab my knife.
  2. I normally shave my anus, buy some astro glide and douse myself liberally with Beautiful perfume.

    When I say me I mean Legs.
  3. skip the foreplay
  4. Agree the rate.
  5. The missus keeps talking about this "foreplay" thing, I thought it was something to do with golf!
  6. Make sure she has passed out!
  7. shout "surprise!!" first?
  8. Log on
  9. spike the drink........ and wait
  10. make sure they have stopped breathing
  11. Before: Beg, plead, buy overpriced drinks, fork out for a taxi.

    Now: Chat up a fat bird.
  12. Usually pick the cheese from behind my foreskin.
  13. Whisper gently into her ear "if you dont struggle and keep your mouth shut then i'll fcuking gut you"

    After sex, bend down, pat her on the fanny and whisper "awooga" into her ear
  14. Negligent-Discharge

    Negligent-Discharge LE Book Reviewer

    In no particular order....
    1) Make sure the Scarey One is out before getting the PC on.
    2) Phone Sgt. I.M. if it's okay to come over to his place for a "cuddle".
    3) Get some bumfodder to tidy up the mess in yer bag if on exercise.
    4) Ask its name. If it bleats/barks or says something in Thai.... forget it.
    5) Try to remember her name so that when you hit the vinegar strokes you can shout the right one.