What do you do before sex?

I normally put my gloves and balaclava on then grab my knife.
I normally shave my anus, buy some astro glide and douse myself liberally with Beautiful perfume.

When I say me I mean Legs.
Agree the rate.
Make sure she has passed out!
spike the drink........ and wait
Whisper gently into her ear "if you dont struggle and keep your mouth shut then i'll fcuking gut you"

After sex, bend down, pat her on the fanny and whisper "awooga" into her ear
In no particular order....
1) Make sure the Scarey One is out before getting the PC on.
2) Phone Sgt. I.M. if it's okay to come over to his place for a "cuddle".
3) Get some bumfodder to tidy up the mess in yer bag if on exercise.
4) Ask its name. If it bleats/barks or says something in Thai.... forget it.
5) Try to remember her name so that when you hit the vinegar strokes you can shout the right one.
squilverine said:
After sex, bend down, pat her on the fanny and whisper "awooga" into her ear
That I like!
squilverine said:
After sex, bend down, pat her on the fanny and whisper "awooga" into her ear
The Chris Akabusi approach, love it....

"Mr Akabusi, please come in" said the secretary as she adjusted her horn rimmed glasses and felt the sudden rush of blood to her clunge.

Akabusi strode into the room like a Titan with a clown face. His eyes were drawn to the secretary's tight black pencil skirt and loose white blouse, through which he could see a straining white bra and within that a pair of massive bristols.

"I've come to fix your pipes" announced Kriss with his deep barotone timbre filling the room like spunk filling a vagina after after a ten year prison sentence.

The secretary quickly sat on the desk and unhooked her tight Croydon facelift hairdo unleashing waves and waves of lush brown hair.

Akubusi dropped his dungerees and let his throbbing member fall to the ground. As he spied the secretary's glistening axe wound his cock stood to attention quicker than a Chelsea Pensioner at the Cenotaph.

He then banged her. And banged her. And banged her. Until the secretary was like a floppy doll covered with spunk.

As Akubusi wiped his now flacid python on some company stationery he whispered "Awooga" to the naked secretary and patted her on the fanny.

The End

P.S. I didn't write this - you can read them all here. http://forum.football365.com/index....c801aab8609be98&rev=&reveal=&start=0&count=40


Kit Reviewer
Wipe my fingerprints off the door handle - the more evidence I clear up beforehand, the longer I have to leg it after.

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