What do PFI consultants cost the MoD?

Discussion in 'Current Affairs, News and Analysis' started by PartTimePongo, May 21, 2007.

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  1. The answer is.........

    Haven't I heard this quote used somewhere before?

    From Hansard - 180507

  2. “A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW drives up in a cloud of dust.

    The driver, a young man in an Armani suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the shepherd: “If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?”

    The shepherd looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing flock and calmly answers: “Sure. Why not?”

    The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his AT&T cell phone, surfs to a NASA page on the internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra high resolution photo.

    The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored.

    He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with hundreds of complex formulas. He uploads all of this data via an email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the shepherd and says: “You have exactly 1586 sheep.”

    “That’s right. Well, I guess you can take one of my sheep.” says the shepherd.

    He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

    Then the shepherd says to the young man: “Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my sheep?”

    The young man thinks about it for a second and then says: “Okay, why not?”

    “You’re a consultant.” says the shepherd. “Wow! That’s correct,” says the yuppie, “but how did you guess that?”

    “No guessing required”, answered the shepherd. “You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked; and you don’t know crap about my business… Now give me back my dog.”
  3. The cost of the Consultants can never be small because of the hugely complex procurement and contractual process inherent with this sort of scheme.

    But it is tiny in comparison to the true additional cost to the taxpayer over time of the PPP and PFI schemes they have developed at the behest of the Treasury.

    What bugs many people is that in addition to the true cost over time being significantly higher because of the need for the profit element to be built in is management and maintenance of a new facility or service provision not being under the direct control. All well and good on paper but can be nightmare in the real world because you substitute a direct chain of command or management for a vastly complex set of contractual agreements and monitoring procedures

    Worse still is lack of flexibility. Some of these damn things run for 25 years or more and who knows what wil change in that period. So you end up with ever more complex periodic change agreements that just create yet more work for lawyers, accountants and consultants and more frustrations for the end user, who often seems to be the least important!
  4. Further to what Blogg is saying above, let's examine the good, old end user in slightly more detail. The end user in this case is the PBS (poor, bloody squaddie) sitting in a shellscrape somewhere probably sandy, hot during the day and freezing his or her tits or balls off by night. He/she will be wondering if they will be OK by the end of that day / week / month and whether the kit they have will work and continue to work when called upon to do so.

    Now let's take a quick look at the Consultant. Ah, the chap or chapess who gets on the 7.05am from Suburbia into town, gets others to come up with data, facts and figures then puts them into a corporate package which has the company logo all over it and then it becomes their intellectual property.
    The self same people who "earn" upwards of £500 per day, top consultants being paid at least £1500 per day. And their most dangerous position? At the back of the canteen queue when there happens to be a limited supply of sticky buns!

    It doesn't take the brains of Euclid to work out that I am NOT a consultant but have worked in the past with those people. Oh yes, and the one I worked closely with for some 15 months complained like fuk when she only got a bonus of £7500. Poor dear. :twisted:
  5. This worthless governments following on from the conservative years that introduced the waste of space that is consultants. :shakefist: off for a walk to kick cat dog small child etc untill my bloodpressure lowers a little
  6. AND MONEY :shakefist:
  7. In the 'blame free' culture introduced by 'Nu' labour,consultants can be blamed,rather than government officials,when projects go wrong.Does the government then get their money back? I think not!!!
  8. I am not going to say any hackneyed old kaka about ruining keyboards or monitors etc.

    But that brought a proper snort of belly laughter to the office.

    Iolis - Ithankewe :D 8)
  9. What's even worse is that the private side of these PFI's can be traded. So there is nothing to stop a private equity company buying them all up and then owning the major running proccesss of the British State. Think of the profits, think of the intel, now think of what the Chinese are probably thinking.
  10. ...and are already doing in the US of A.

    (edit...and now I've just seen PTP's thread on Blackstone...)