what do i do now

#1
I have to be in work in three houre after going out on friday for the xmas pi55 up during the evenig I managed to swap spit with a large lady from admin, and a nurse in a very short skirt who me and three of my co workers (2 ex army ) tried and failed to engage in group sex in a local hotel . how shoud i play this one I dont think total memory loss is going to cut it.
 
#3
Stand up straight, walk in and wing it - alternatively - with the assistance of the other two ex army guys - spread rumours that the nurse in the short skirt is either a lesbian/a tease/ doesnt swallow or is a lousy lay. as for the large lady in admin just say you cant recognise her as shes wearing clothes and not the gimp mask she had on last night - otherwise throw a sickie or invest in a new pair of trainers.
 
#5
If that is true, do you have her address/tel number :)
 
#6
Hugh_the_screw said:
everyone knows the nures is not a a lesbian/a tease/ doesnt swallow or is a lousy lay
... you're fcuked then. You could try and make it seem that you've been in love with her for a long time, but only plucked-up enough courage to try it on when you were p*ssed! Flattery always works with females.

erm... buy her some chocolates and flowers with an apology card saying it was all a joke that got out of hand. Get all 3 of you to sign it. If you're worried about a law suit, try and talk to her and ask her if she remembers anything herself. If she doesn't you're fine, if she does, but is grown-up to admit that she shouldn't have got herself in such a compromising position in the first place, then you're fine, if she thinks you've assaulted her, you're fcuked, if you did, then you deserve to be.
 
#8
Easy,

Walk in, slap the fat bird on the a rse, announcing that she "didn't sweat much", give the nursie a wink and ask if she "enjoyed adminstering the medicine orally" and does she want the camcorder footage of the threesome you had with her?

Make large cup of coffee, deploy to desk, sit and enjoy the stunned silence........

Anything else I can help with?
 
#9
Be loud and proud.
Explain to everyone that your actions were done in the interests of science. your actions with the rotund lady was the basis of a thesis on whether fat biffa's can arouse a man and your attempts with the nurse were the control aspect of the experiment.

Either that or be really grown up and say:

" At least I'm not a homo."
 
#10
Could always buy a humungus pair of passion killing apple catchers, administer a skid mark with a mars bar and tell the bird from admin she left these behind.
 
#11
Hugh_the_screw said:
The wife may want to know who the flowers are for
Tell her there for this piece of nursey skirt that you and 2 mates fist-fcuked and gang-banged, after you got-off the fat munter that sits on reception. Apologise for the infidelity, but tell her it's her fault as she's let herself go lately and it's so long since she's given you 'head' that it's no wonder you went looking elsewhere. Also let her know that her sister's tits are looking pretty perky and inquire about whether or not she's had them 'done'.
 

Fang_Farrier

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
#12
Smile as you go into work and remark what a great night it was, how much fun you had and then head to your desk and work as normal.
 
#13
Private_Pike said:
Be loud and proud.
Explain to everyone that your actions were done in the interests of science. your actions with the rotund lady was the basis of a thesis on whether fat biffa's can arouse a man and your attempts with the nurse were the control aspect of the experiment.

Either that or be really grown up and say:

" At least I'm not a homo."
This is totally the way forward. I worked out many moons ago that the best way to deal with drunken embarrassing moments is to act as if there was absolutely nothing whatsoever wrong with what you did (regardless of the severity of the said incident) and to declare that it was, in fact, an incredibly clever and grown up thing to do.

The civvies will not be able to handle your seemingly unfathomable attitude that you are right and they are all wrong, that what you did makes you brave and handsome and that anyone that disagrees is gay, a lesbian or a moron.

They will, at this point, figure out that it is totally pointless berating you for it as you seemingly could not care less. It also allows you to do it all over again without fear of future digs as everyone will know that it is pointless bringing it up :)
 
#15
Aunty Stella said:
Private_Pike said:
Be loud and proud.
Explain to everyone that your actions were done in the interests of science. your actions with the rotund lady was the basis of a thesis on whether fat biffa's can arouse a man and your attempts with the nurse were the control aspect of the experiment.

Either that or be really grown up and say:

" At least I'm not a homo."
This is totally the way forward. I worked out many moons ago that the best way to deal with drunken embarrassing moments is to act as if there was absolutely nothing whatsoever wrong with what you did (regardless of the severity of the said incident) and to declare that it was, in fact, an incredibly clever and grown up thing to do.

The civvies will not be able to handle your seemingly unfathomable attitude that you are right and they are all wrong, that what you did makes you brave and handsome and that anyone that disagrees is gay, a lesbian or a moron.

They will, at this point, figure out that it is totally pointless berating you for it as you seemingly could not care less. It also allows you to do it all over again without fear of future digs as everyone will know that it is pointless bringing it up :)
I concur! No matter how bad the deed, holding the head high works wonders. Happened to me a number of times- for example flashing your tits in public. Just laugh and say "yeh, well always getting the puppies out eh? Not a night out if I don't ". If you aren't embarassed, they really have no material to work with. :wink:

Cringing only makes it worse!
 
#16
If the situation becomes difficult, feign a bout of epilepsy mixed with Tourette's Syndrome.
 
#17
Just tell everyone that the myth that fat birds go like steam trains, as they are always more glad of a shag, is absolutely right and that in comparison the nurse was crap. Use the old army weapon of front.
 
#18
I’m going to have to get it over with. I going to apologise to the nurse very sincerely in the hope of a second chance and avoid the admin dept until the new year when it will all be forgotten
 
#19
Fat birds are like elephants in more ways than size. They never forget!
 
#20
Private_Pike said:
Fat birds are like elephants in more ways than size. They never forget!
He's right you know. You're going to have step up to the line and kill the fat bird. Use a frozen leg of lamb to beat her to death, then cook up and eat the evidence. You could use a frozen turkey leg, given the time of year and all that.
 

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