What could you bring to the caveman?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Ventress, Oct 7, 2006.

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  1. Ventress

    Ventress LE Moderator

    Just a thought, with a bit of time travel.

    What could you as an individual bring to the common cave man/ person?

    Remember unless you are Werner Von Braun, no atomic weapons or power stations.

    Basic stuff that could enhance the man in the cave.

    e.g. Basic sanitary advice

    Trapping prey


  2. daz

    daz LE

    The Ladybird/Ladyboy version of Amongst The Window Licking Drooling Mongs and Always A Cross Dressing Window Licking Mong by Steven Precome

    That should stop the buggers evolving :D :D :D :D

  3. An understanding that cavechavs should be drowned at birth?
  4. About 3 days worth of food (I'm a fat lad and as soon as I open my gob they'll realise I have no other worth)
  5. Burds.

    Then at least I could claim I'd started civilisation. :D
  6. I'd bring in a system of Europe/Africa exchange visits. Every year a group of hard-working northern people would have to go back to Africa to bring those whose ancestors were too lazy to make the trip north up to date on the latest innovations. We could have saved ourselves a lot of trouble by letting them in on secrets like:

    'How to build a civilisation by placing your first village near natural resources i.e. water and cultivatable land and not in the middle of fücking nowhere...' This would be coupled with: 'Rain - it doesn't fall everywhere you know!' and 'Water - just because it hits the ground and disappears doesn't mean it isn't there'

    'Metal tools - How to cut down a tree instead of lazing around waiting for it to fall over'

    'Children - only produce the number of children that you can feed and not the amount you think you'll need to keep yourself (and them) in perpetual hunger and poverty you self-centred twäts'

    'Diplomacy - If someone has built a better village than you, learn from them. Massacres are counter-productive'

    Still in Africa: A liaison team could also go to Alexandria and teach them about fire-prevention measures for that big library they are going to build one day....
  7. You have to avoid the "butterfly affect" if you bring them tools, etc...maybe they will develop too fast and we wouldnt be hear today

    So on that note with my time travel machine, I would go back 2 years pick up the blokes who came up with the crazy frog ringtone, a large case of beer and a stereo.

    I would play the crazy frog ringtone point at the creators and watch the hilarity of them being clubbed to death while enjoying a few beers

    As I would be the only one to know that I stopped the world from ever hearing the tune, I would probably end up in a mental asylum thinking everyone was a complete prick for not realising how much I had spared them
  8. terroratthepicnic

    terroratthepicnic LE Reviewer Book Reviewer
    1. ARRSE Runners

    I would go back and tell them that is socially unacceptable for women to be a) hairy b) fat and c) ginger
  9. Ventress

    Ventress LE Moderator

    Obviously the butterfly effect should be disregarded in this disscusion!!

    Like the GWA option.