What are you looking forward to in old age?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Ventress, Dec 20, 2005.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Incontinence

  2. Deafness

  3. Getting free beer, telling a war story or two.

  1. Ventress

    Ventress LE Moderator

    What are you lot, if any, looking forward to in your frailty?

    I look foward to living with my son or daughter!

    Also pretending I am deaf.
  2. Eh? You'll have to speak up!
  3. Being able to swamp/shite myself and have someone else clean it up.
  4. i would say deafness but as accorrding to HM Forces or to be more acurate the badly trained chimp that did my demob medical the last time i demobed i am already deaf so i will have to go for incontenance
  5. There is a little old lady- incontinent no less :wink: - at my nan's home that in the afternoon likes to watch TV.

    Nothing wrong with that you might think- except she likes to do it in bed........................naked.

    Now this old dear is so senile that she doesn't know if she is in her room or in the living room, avec family visitors like moi, quietly playing large-text scrabble with their grandma.

    I look forward to the day that I can sit in a public room and strip piece-by-piece down to my incontinence knickers.... :lol:

    Oh wait, that was Saturday.........................
  6. Farting loudly in public and not apologizing... oh, wait...

    To quote Duke Wayne: " I like grumpy old cusses. I hope I live long enough to be one. "
  7. Drink as much as I want to, whenever I want to.
    Stay in bed as long as I want to, whenever I want to.
    Swear as often as I want to, whenever I want to.
    Eat what I want, when I want.
    Walk slowly with a shopping trolley in every aisle in every shop, especially at peak times, especially in supermarkets.
    Pay for everything in pennies. Slowly.
    Drive at 25 mph. Everywhere.
    Pretend to be deaf and shout replies to every question.
  8. Blue hair. Looks great on the old ladies, Im going to give it a go as an old man and start a new trend. With the help of some Viagra and a lucky streak at the local Bingo hall, I should have a large harem of urine smelling, blue haired ladies trying to get there hands down the front of my yellow stained Y fronts. Ah, yes. Old age, Im looking forward to it.
  9. Getting away with having a huge handlebar tache and smoke a pipe in the corner of a little country pub complaining about the youth of today!

    Whilst being cared for by 3 nyphomaniac norweigian nurses...

    Who are bisexual...

    And like older men...

    And not having any kids so I can spend all my money myself!
  10. smelling of wee and clogging up the streets.
  11. Already there, mate
  12. Going to the supermarket and taking a trolley full of Kit-e-Kat, peppermints and biscuits to the '5 items or less, basket only' checkout. At lunchtime or other busy period. I shall alternate this with attempting to pay with vouchers, foreign coins and an expired credit card in the 'cash only' lane.

    I can hardly wait to order my first 'Chums' catalogue of generously cut trousers with nipple-height waistband.
  13. Being shot in bed by a jealous husband whilst giving his nubile 19 yr old nympho wife a good servicing (without the use of viagra) - i know its an old one but what an ambition
  14. Lying in a hospital bed on a mixed ward and shooting a large, hot, lucozade- like, jet of p iss up in the air then catching it in my own mouth.
  15. ... have you been following me around? Stalker!