What are the rules regarding access to married quarters during marriage break up?

Discussion in 'The Other Half' started by babybutterfly, Feb 6, 2011.

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  1. Hi
    Can someone help me? My next door neighbour has just split up with her husband, due to his abusive behaviour.

    He has a room in single accomodation on camp and most of his stuff is now there, but she is worried he will return to the house while she is out and take things that arent his or trash the place out of spite.

    She has asked that welfare take his keys away and that if he needs something from the house that he have an escort when he collects it. Some of his mates work for welfare and of course have taken his side and are refusing to do this and saying its his house and he has every right to go there if he wants.

    Im sure this is wrong? I was told that the house always belongs to the wife and that its welfares job to make sure her and her children are protected? Am I wrong?

    Does anyone know what the rules are and where I can find them in written form for her to show welfare so they do their job properly?
    Mnay thanks xxx
  2. No idea of the formal rules but since when has a house always belonged to the wife, if anything as the serviceman, would't he have more right to it than her? Don't get me wrong I've no time for wife beaters just bugs me that men always seem to be the ones expected to leave the home when the relationship goes wrong.
  3. In this case we are talking about a wife beater and she has kids so why should she and her kids have to be homeless because of his behaviour?

    I understand what you're saying and if it was just the 2 of them and there was no violence then fine why should she have the house, (although it is a lot easier for the man to get somewhere else to live as he can just walk straight onto camp and get a room, she cant do that as she has to find civillian housing) but in this case she should be allowed to feel safe an secure in her own home surely?
  4. I hate to be picky but we're actually talking, at worst, about an individual who is alleged to have beaten his wife. Unless police have been involved and an allegation of assault has been tested in court then you're on dodgy ground accepting as gospel anything you're told by either party. It's a sad fact that people in these circumstances exaggerate, manipulate and, sometimes, tell complete porkies in order to try and strengthen their case.

    The Army will be wary of any action which suggests they've judged an individual and found him guilty of an offence that hasn't gone to court. If your friend is sufficiently sure of her ground over the risk to her and the children then she should take legal advice and, probably, notify the police. If there is a case to answer and she isn't making it up then she'll be far more likely to get some help from welfare when armed with a court order forbidding him from entering the house without an escort.

  5. I suggest she gets on to SSAFA asap. They will be able to advise on her current situation, and help her find onwards housing (they have two Stepping Stones homes which provide a refuge for victims of DV).

    If he has changed his status officially to "separated", then she has 93 days to leave, so it's something worth doing straight away. He should also no longer have access to the home at this point as he has indicated he is no longer part of the family and it all becomes managed departure for both of them.

    If he has not changed his status, then I'm not sure what the situation would be.
  6. If the marriage has formally broke up and the chap is in single accomodation then the wife will only have a few weeks to move out of married quarters (someone correct me if I`m wrong please).
    The chap would be a bit of a plank if he broke in and trashed it as it would certainly mess his career up big time.
    It all sounds a bit suspect to me and I would think the ex wife would make better use of her time finding her children a new home than worrying if he`s going to pop in and pinch the toaster.
    Don`t mean to sound unsympathetic but is this just a case of raised voices or actual physical harm against the wife ?
  7. Well I actually saw him smash an ashtray over her head and I live next door and hear the shouting through the walls so I know its true. The police have been called out on a few occasions, but the charges have been dropped the next day everytime unfortunatly because she is too scared.
    He somehow always mannages to make out to his army friends shes just crazy and they take his word over hers so they dont take her seriously when she tries to get help from the welfare office.
  8. What he said..

    Sorry, but that's a myth (and not one I've heard before in thirty-odd years). The entitlement to SFA is spelled out in the licence to occupy that is handed over on occupation. It's based on the entitlement of the serviceman/woman, not the spouse and, unless there are other factors, that doesn't change until the 93 day point, as vampangua suggests.

  9. and shes not worried about him pinching the toaster. The last time they split up he came back and smashed up his daughters room and broke all her toys! Thats what she is more worried about! She is currently trying to find somewhere to live near her mums, so she is doing everything she can she just doesnt want him in the house which I think is fair enough.
  10. Then I think vampagua`s suggestion about contacting SSAFA is the best way forward. It`s not a wonder that no one believes the wife when she won`t press charges, it`s a common occurence in domestic situations and one which frustrates the authorities who have to deal with these types of occurence. She needs to find somewhere safe for her and the children above all else.
  11. daywalker

    daywalker LE Reviewer

    If it is that bad go through the CoC, once duty officer/BOS is involved things will have to be logged and brought to attention of RSM/ADJT .
  12. ok thanks I'll tell her to try that x
  13. I do feel sorry for your friend, if what you say is right she is up against it in that until she presses charges there is nothing to stop him coming and going and kicking off when he does so. However if she does won't that then threaten his career if he's convicted of battery and his ability to contribute towards their kids as well as the army requiring the quarter to be returned if they formally seperate. Sadly the only solution I can think of is for her and ther kids to move into her mothers until they can get something else sorted. If what you've said is true I genuinely do wish her all the best.
  14. yeah thats the other reason she doesnt press charges, because it will go on his record and he might get busted down or thrown out the army. The sad thing is hes only been like this since he returned from afghan where he lost 2 friends, but he refuses to get help and just takes it out on her. Shes tried so hard to stand by him, but she just cant do it anymore and has to put the kids first. Fingers crossed she finds somewhere soon, but the way housing is right now its prooving a bit harder than she thought :(

    Thanks everyone for your advice though. I'll get her to call the places you suggested in the morning. Hopefully she can get something sorted and get on with starting a new life.
  15. She needs to get the qtr signed over to her asap and get notified once this has been done of her 93 days to leave. Then he has no right to enter the property from that point.

    If she talks to AWS they wil arrange for the British Legion to assist her in finding alternative accommodation and the army now get the movers to move an estranged wife out of the qtr and into a new property free of charge. The AWS will confirm all of this, I did the same 2 yrs ago.

    The families office are shit anyway, if there is any bother call the police.