What are the rules regarding access to married quarters during marriage break up?

#1
Hi
Can someone help me? My next door neighbour has just split up with her husband, due to his abusive behaviour.

He has a room in single accomodation on camp and most of his stuff is now there, but she is worried he will return to the house while she is out and take things that arent his or trash the place out of spite.

She has asked that welfare take his keys away and that if he needs something from the house that he have an escort when he collects it. Some of his mates work for welfare and of course have taken his side and are refusing to do this and saying its his house and he has every right to go there if he wants.

Im sure this is wrong? I was told that the house always belongs to the wife and that its welfares job to make sure her and her children are protected? Am I wrong?

Does anyone know what the rules are and where I can find them in written form for her to show welfare so they do their job properly?
Mnay thanks xxx
 
#2
No idea of the formal rules but since when has a house always belonged to the wife, if anything as the serviceman, would't he have more right to it than her? Don't get me wrong I've no time for wife beaters just bugs me that men always seem to be the ones expected to leave the home when the relationship goes wrong.
 
#3
In this case we are talking about a wife beater and she has kids so why should she and her kids have to be homeless because of his behaviour?

I understand what you're saying and if it was just the 2 of them and there was no violence then fine why should she have the house, (although it is a lot easier for the man to get somewhere else to live as he can just walk straight onto camp and get a room, she cant do that as she has to find civillian housing) but in this case she should be allowed to feel safe an secure in her own home surely?
 
#4
In this case we are talking about a wife beater and she has kids so why should she and her kids have to be homeless because of his behaviour?
I hate to be picky but we're actually talking, at worst, about an individual who is alleged to have beaten his wife. Unless police have been involved and an allegation of assault has been tested in court then you're on dodgy ground accepting as gospel anything you're told by either party. It's a sad fact that people in these circumstances exaggerate, manipulate and, sometimes, tell complete porkies in order to try and strengthen their case.

The Army will be wary of any action which suggests they've judged an individual and found him guilty of an offence that hasn't gone to court. If your friend is sufficiently sure of her ground over the risk to her and the children then she should take legal advice and, probably, notify the police. If there is a case to answer and she isn't making it up then she'll be far more likely to get some help from welfare when armed with a court order forbidding him from entering the house without an escort.

Don
 
#5
I suggest she gets on to SSAFA asap. They will be able to advise on her current situation, and help her find onwards housing (they have two Stepping Stones homes which provide a refuge for victims of DV).

If he has changed his status officially to "separated", then she has 93 days to leave, so it's something worth doing straight away. He should also no longer have access to the home at this point as he has indicated he is no longer part of the family and it all becomes managed departure for both of them.

If he has not changed his status, then I'm not sure what the situation would be.
 
#6
If the marriage has formally broke up and the chap is in single accomodation then the wife will only have a few weeks to move out of married quarters (someone correct me if I`m wrong please).
The chap would be a bit of a plank if he broke in and trashed it as it would certainly mess his career up big time.
It all sounds a bit suspect to me and I would think the ex wife would make better use of her time finding her children a new home than worrying if he`s going to pop in and pinch the toaster.
Don`t mean to sound unsympathetic but is this just a case of raised voices or actual physical harm against the wife ?
 
#7
Well I actually saw him smash an ashtray over her head and I live next door and hear the shouting through the walls so I know its true. The police have been called out on a few occasions, but the charges have been dropped the next day everytime unfortunatly because she is too scared.
He somehow always mannages to make out to his army friends shes just crazy and they take his word over hers so they dont take her seriously when she tries to get help from the welfare office.
 
#8
I suggest she gets on to SSAFA asap. They will be able to advise on her current situation, and help her find onwards housing (they have two Stepping Stones homes which provide a refuge for victims of DV).

If he has changed his status officially to "separated", then she has 93 days to leave, so it's something worth doing straight away. He should also no longer have access to the home at this point as he has indicated he is no longer part of the family and it all becomes managed departure for both of them.

If he has not changed his status, then I'm not sure what the situation would be.
What he said..

I was told that the house always belongs to the wife and that its welfares job to make sure her and her children are protected? Am I wrong?
Sorry, but that's a myth (and not one I've heard before in thirty-odd years). The entitlement to SFA is spelled out in the licence to occupy that is handed over on occupation. It's based on the entitlement of the serviceman/woman, not the spouse and, unless there are other factors, that doesn't change until the 93 day point, as vampangua suggests.

Don
 
#9
and shes not worried about him pinching the toaster. The last time they split up he came back and smashed up his daughters room and broke all her toys! Thats what she is more worried about! She is currently trying to find somewhere to live near her mums, so she is doing everything she can she just doesnt want him in the house which I think is fair enough.
 
#10
Well I actually saw him smash an ashtray over her head and I live next door and hear the shouting through the walls so I know its true. The police have been called out on a few occasions, but the charges have been dropped the next day everytime unfortunatly because she is too scared.
He somehow always mannages to make out to his army friends shes just crazy and they take his word over hers so they dont take her seriously when she tries to get help from the welfare office.
Then I think vampagua`s suggestion about contacting SSAFA is the best way forward. It`s not a wonder that no one believes the wife when she won`t press charges, it`s a common occurence in domestic situations and one which frustrates the authorities who have to deal with these types of occurence. She needs to find somewhere safe for her and the children above all else.
 

daywalker

LE
Kit Reviewer
#11
If it is that bad go through the CoC, once duty officer/BOS is involved things will have to be logged and brought to attention of RSM/ADJT .
 
#13
I do feel sorry for your friend, if what you say is right she is up against it in that until she presses charges there is nothing to stop him coming and going and kicking off when he does so. However if she does won't that then threaten his career if he's convicted of battery and his ability to contribute towards their kids as well as the army requiring the quarter to be returned if they formally seperate. Sadly the only solution I can think of is for her and ther kids to move into her mothers until they can get something else sorted. If what you've said is true I genuinely do wish her all the best.
 
#14
yeah thats the other reason she doesnt press charges, because it will go on his record and he might get busted down or thrown out the army. The sad thing is hes only been like this since he returned from afghan where he lost 2 friends, but he refuses to get help and just takes it out on her. Shes tried so hard to stand by him, but she just cant do it anymore and has to put the kids first. Fingers crossed she finds somewhere soon, but the way housing is right now its prooving a bit harder than she thought :(

Thanks everyone for your advice though. I'll get her to call the places you suggested in the morning. Hopefully she can get something sorted and get on with starting a new life.
 
#15
She needs to get the qtr signed over to her asap and get notified once this has been done of her 93 days to leave. Then he has no right to enter the property from that point.

If she talks to AWS they wil arrange for the British Legion to assist her in finding alternative accommodation and the army now get the movers to move an estranged wife out of the qtr and into a new property free of charge. The AWS will confirm all of this, I did the same 2 yrs ago.

The families office are shit anyway, if there is any bother call the police.
 
#16
yeah thats the other reason she doesnt press charges, because it will go on his record and he might get busted down or thrown out the army. The sad thing is hes only been like this since he returned from afghan where he lost 2 friends, but he refuses to get help and just takes it out on her. Shes tried so hard to stand by him, but she just cant do it anymore and has to put the kids first. Fingers crossed she finds somewhere soon, but the way housing is right now its prooving a bit harder than she thought :(

Thanks everyone for your advice though. I'll get her to call the places you suggested in the morning. Hopefully she can get something sorted and get on with starting a new life.
If that is true then pressing charges is the best thing that she can do for all of them. He needs intervention, the judicial system will do that as well as putting in place mneasure to protect her and kids. There are no guarantees that he won't lose his job, but if she doesn't make a stand it will get worse.
 
#17
If that is true then pressing charges is the best thing that she can do for all of them. He needs intervention, the judicial system will do that as well as putting in place mneasure to protect her and kids. There are no guarantees that he won't lose his job, but if she doesn't make a stand it will get worse.
Thing is, is he losing it with everyone around him or just her? If it's just her then I'm not accepting some kind of PTSD "excuse". And if this is the case then I'm not buying that this is a recent occurance. If he only hurts her but not others then its clear he CAN control his behaviour, which means he CAN control his behaviour towards her.

Best thing she can do is call the plod if he comes round again and to move out asap. And not meaning to flame here but I don't think she should look to the Army for support, because in my experience they are shit. In their eyes she is a problem and they would prefer it if that problem just pissed off out of it. So that's precisely what she should do.
 
#18
Thing is, is he losing it with everyone around him or just her? If it's just her then I'm not accepting some kind of PTSD "excuse". And if this is the case then I'm not buying that this is a recent occurance. If he only hurts her but not others then its clear he CAN control his behaviour, which means he CAN control his behaviour towards her.

Best thing she can do is call the plod if he comes round again and to move out asap. And not meaning to flame here but I don't think she should look to the Army for support, because in my experience they are shit. In their eyes she is a problem and they would prefer it if that problem just pissed off out of it. So that's precisely what she should do.
Not entirely true, he may be an aggressive dominate bloke already. Any form of mental health issue can make that behaviour worse. PTSD is not an excuse but it could be a factor that makes a bad situation worse. Violence is quite often directed at those closest first and foremost, then when it gets worse it is directed at others. Either way, press charges, intervention will come and in the long run they may just be able to have a civil enough relationship to bring up their child. seperately of course.
 
#19
Not entirely true, he may be an aggressive dominate bloke already. Any form of mental health issue can make that behaviour worse. PTSD is not an excuse but it could be a factor that makes a bad situation worse. Violence is quite often directed at those closest first and foremost, then when it gets worse it is directed at others. Either way, press charges, intervention will come and in the long run they may just be able to have a civil enough relationship to bring up their child. seperately of course.
It's easy to make lots of assumptions here. For example we are assuming that he has been at the sharp end of operations, for all we know he could have been sat in a store for the entire tour of duty miles from any action. My point however, is that if he has a serious issue then the likelihood is that he would lose control in any situation (ie: in front of anyone and towards anyone).

The fact that this behaviour appears to be limited towards his wife suggests that he does have an element of control over his actions. Therefore I find it difficult to believe that if this was some kind of PTSD related violence it would only be directed at his spouse.

I agree with you on the police involvement though and regardless of the cause, it is definitely a situation that she needs to remove herself from as soon as possible.
 
#20
Best thing to do is to arrange a visit from social services. They will write a report , send it to his CO who will promptly agree with them and have said alleged wife basher sent orf on exercise or op tour for a few months. In the meantime she can live there rent free, trash the place, hold as many chavvo parties that she wants and alleged wife bashing hubbys pay packet will pick up the tab. The Army will even support the re-introduction of male friends in case she fancies shagging with additional impregnation and an upgrade to MQ size if she is sucessfull. Too good to be true isnt it. I remember a case like this about 20 yrs ago where the CO etc just wanted rid of this scrote and his leeching wife or family, they had a hard time enforcing it but eventually they managed to mag to grid without any **** being given to any future welfare issues.
Tell yer "friend" to start looking for another place to live. Hubby is entitled to go back there any time he wants unless a court order is issued to prevent him. He is even entitled to bring home as many garrison bikes as can be accommodated (not that that would bother her). She's going to fleece him anyways by the sound of things, but if he has insurance and she trashes the place deliberately he will be the one chasing her through the courts.
How many wives are there that actually believe that the Army gives a flying about them? They are there purely as a retention incentive and a mrale booster for the garrison singlies when the unit goes on tour. Ask the modernmilitary MUNTER how many dicks she gets to suck when her horribe hubby escapes her clutches.
 

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