What a gem!

Good evening Men and of course Birds.
Can't believe I never found this forum before now, I just completed my service last week after many happy and just as many unhappy memories.
So on a full belly of lager and Jagerbombs, I am going to recall some of my favorite, finest and unfinest hours.

Sometime in August late 90's (Brecon)
As the acting platoon commander, I was given my orders from the OC, immediately this is where things went bad, I turned up to orders without my TAMS and ended up extracting what I could on to the KFC wrapper I still had in my pocket from the coach journey. Surprisingly the writing of the orders went well, the delivery was ok with minimal points to pick me up on, apart from getting the northings and eastings the wrong way around on the model. As we stepped off on our tasking (Destroy enemy with bdrys etc) I took a bearing on my compass however little did I know I had taken a back bearing, very awkward moment. A few hours passed, we missed the first H-Hour and then the second H-Hour. I ended up getting a outpour from the OC and then got given a casualty to hard extract back to our harbour location. Very embarrassing, but I went out of my way to ensure the PLT SGT got a hard debrief from myself to make sure he check navs propley next time. The rest of the exercise was relatively stress free, apart from taking the CSM rifle down a live range.

So yeah, one of my un finest hours.
 
And spelling, spelling words properly are also important too.
 

zaps

Old-Salt
By ****, it's no wonder this site has gone to ratshit. A new poster puts a bit of effort into spinning an interesting dit and the only response he gets is a bunch of ******* mouthbreathers gobbing off with single line replies about a ******* typo.

Arse-toucher, please continue.
 

jarrod248

LE
Gallery Guru
Good evening Men and of course Birds.
Can't believe I never found this forum before now, I just completed my service last week after many happy and just as many unhappy memories.
So on a full belly of lager and Jagerbombs, I am going to recall some of my favorite, finest and unfinest hours.

Sometime in August late 90's (Brecon)
As the acting platoon commander, I was given my orders from the OC, immediately this is where things went bad, I turned up to orders without my TAMS and ended up extracting what I could on to the KFC wrapper I still had in my pocket from the coach journey. Surprisingly the writing of the orders went well, the delivery was ok with minimal points to pick me up on, apart from getting the northings and eastings the wrong way around on the model. As we stepped off on our tasking (Destroy enemy with bdrys etc) I took a bearing on my compass however little did I know I had taken a back bearing, very awkward moment. A few hours passed, we missed the first H-Hour and then the second H-Hour. I ended up getting a outpour from the OC and then got given a casualty to hard extract back to our harbour location. Very embarrassing, but I went out of my way to ensure the PLT SGT got a hard debrief from myself to make sure he check navs propley next time. The rest of the exercise was relatively stress free, apart from taking the CSM rifle down a live range.

So yeah, one of my un finest hours.
Welcome to the forum, there's some right fcuking w4nkers here.
 
Good evening Men and of course Birds.
Can't believe I never found this forum before now, I just completed my service last week after many happy and just as many unhappy memories.
So on a full belly of lager and Jagerbombs, I am going to recall some of my favorite, finest and unfinest hours.

Sometime in August late 90's (Brecon)
As the acting platoon commander, I was given my orders from the OC, immediately this is where things went bad, I turned up to orders without my TAMS and ended up extracting what I could on to the KFC wrapper I still had in my pocket from the coach journey. Surprisingly the writing of the orders went well, the delivery was ok with minimal points to pick me up on, apart from getting the northings and eastings the wrong way around on the model. As we stepped off on our tasking (Destroy enemy with bdrys etc) I took a bearing on my compass however little did I know I had taken a back bearing, very awkward moment. A few hours passed, we missed the first H-Hour and then the second H-Hour. I ended up getting a outpour from the OC and then got given a casualty to hard extract back to our harbour location. Very embarrassing, but I went out of my way to ensure the PLT SGT got a hard debrief from myself to make sure he check navs propley next time. The rest of the exercise was relatively stress free, apart from taking the CSM rifle down a live range.

So yeah, one of my un finest hours.

Well, welcome!

Avoid Apachewarrior24 and you should be all aces.

Might I also suggest you treat yourself to the "Fancy a bit of Ginger" thread, its luuurrrrvely...
 
Ooooh, some people need to remove their tampax before posting on here.

Sorry Arsetoucher to de-rail the thread from the start. I thought the advice to 'check navs' was a bit superfluous, I noticed a spelling mistake and thought I could point it out in a slightly humorous manner by misforming a verb.
However, it appears that I was wrong and have incurred the wrath of the two maiden Aunts of arrse.
Please accept my humble apologies.
It was an amusing tail,

:-D:-D:-D
 
The next couple of years involved, a dab of cocaine, loads of rent boys and a for the most part a killer hangover.

You joined the booties?
 

ACAB

LE
OoohhKaaaayyyy, It's half past midnight and I've had a few sherberts. I also understand that you are an officer. Now, how the **** did you manage to step off on a back-bearing A: In the first place and B: without your Platoon Sergeant and Section Commanders saying '******* hold on a moment...'
 

ACAB

LE
ACAB at the time, I was acting platoon commander my good man.

Anyone like Guinness?
Pfffft!

Somewhere (******* literally) in Cyprus:

Pl Comd: "Right, Sgt ACAB, show me where we are on the map!"
Sgt ACAB: "Go on then Sir, I give in"
Pl Comd: Bottom lip quivering before he coughed he didn't have a ******* clue where we were
 

zaps

Old-Salt
I dropped a bollock on exercise at Caerwent with the loggies a few years ago.

The Regt 2i/c had spent days creating some barking mad one way circuit of the training area taking drivers on a torturous route around the whole area. It seemed to require about 1700 tac signs to operate and they quite often pointed in several directions for the same destination.

None of this had concerned me terribly as I'd arrived when it was Harry Von Pitchers and had been sat in an SF base bored shitless for 3 weeks waiting for endex.

Come hometime my fitter section is tasked with bringing up the rear of the Regiment and all Recovery assets are pooled in my location. We sat about smerking tabs and drinking brews and passed the time by bullying the weaker members of the group until it was time for us to leave.

I'd had a quick glance of the route map then left it in my ops box as I was content with the simple route home once I was on the public highway.

As I led my packet out of the SF base I glanced left at the training area exit a mere 300m away the wrong way round the circuit. I briefly considered ******* it off and just going for it but I thought no I'll play the game and turned right onto the circuit. What's an extra 5 minutes thinks I.

A few hundred metres down the road I realised my mistake in chinning off my area map. The bellends from the Trg Wing had obviously got bored and removed their tac signs prematurely. Not fazed by this I made my second error. My driver Paddy McPotato had been sent out on various driving details over the previous 3 weeks and he now assured me that there was no need to stop and unpack the map as he new the way "right you are, diddle de dee".

Partly reassured by this and not wanting to encourage the ******* behind me in the Landrover, 3 fitter trucks and 3 recovery vehicles to start making comments about me, a map and being a ****** we cracked on.

If you've never been to Caerwent it's got roads ******* everywhere and after 15 minutes of Paddy driving round and round in ******* circles I was a little peeved, I was already late crossing my start line and had, had enough. Having realised that most of the roads were set out in a grid formation and knowing roughly which direction I wanted to go in I took the lead and instructed Paddy to take the next left.

I reasoned that if I kept heading in roughly the right direction and took any turnings that looked favourable, then eventually I'd get back to a familiar part of the area and get the **** out of the gate.

We trundled up the road I'd selected and after no more than 100m I was filled with a sense of dread. We rounded a bend to find that the road rapidly narrowed and turned away from my intended direction and towards some trees. The bushes on either side of the track were becoming increasingly overgrown.

I kept going.

We rounded another bend and the metalled road became a dirt track.

I kept going.

Around the next bend the road narrowed again, branches shrieked as the Rover forced it's way past them and long grass dragged on the diffs.

I didn't keep going, the ******* Rover wouldn't fit.

Realising the game was up I set about getting 150 tons of military vehicles reversed for a good 700m back down the track.

I think the butchers bill was about 3 signposts, one small wall, several rubies and a metric fuckton of beer to shut the cnuts up.
 
Well, welcome!

Avoid Apachewarrior24 and you should be all aces.

Might I also suggest you treat yourself to the "Fancy a bit of Ginger" thread, its luuurrrrvely...

She's OK when she takes her teeth out. Allegedly.
 
For the life of me, I can't remember which other user refers to the Pln Sgt as PLT SGT.
 

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