What a fookin GUY!

Discussion in 'The Lamp and Sandbag II - The Tall Story Strikes B' started by discodan, Nov 9, 2005.

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  1. Apparently going around NY at the moment. 1st is a girl's apology email for cheating on some bloke. 2nd is his reply which was Bcc'd to his entire address book. He makes some excellent points.


    It would be difficult for me to be any more miserable right now, I feel like the worst person ever. First, let me start by saying that I am truly truly sorry, and I hate myself for hurting you. Of all the people in the whole entire world, you were honestly the last person that I would ever want to wrong in any way. There is no excuse at all or anything that happened, so I won't even try other than to say all of us had WAY too much to drink, and I did a stupid thing. I can handle you being pissed at me, I absolutely deserve it, I can even handle the ugly words that were exchanged between us, what I can't handle is thinking that you see me as a different person. It is weird, I feel like I just went through a horrible break up or something. The world looked funny yesterday, I couldn't crack a smile if you paid me, there are songs I can't listen to, and I just feel beyond crushed. I don't know if you meant everything you said to me, and I am hoping that you didn't. I know that I was wrong on many levels, but I am also hoping that this is something that we can deal with. I know it sounds totally crazy and stupid, but you have come to play such a significant role in my life, I can't imagine my days without you. It is totally strange and weird to say that, and you could say that my behaviour didn't reflect that, and you would be correct. I hate feeling like you hate me, and I hate feeling like all of your friends think I am a terrible person, because I am not. I know there is nothing I can say or do to take back what happened, but I just want you to know that fighting with you was just about the worst thing I could have ever imagined. It was right up there with one of the ugliest nights of my life, and I would give anything in the world to rewind and fix it.

    I am not sure if you will respond to this, part of me thinks that you won't. If not today, then maybe some other time. Also, thanks for getting my stuff together, although I think my sunglasses are still at your house, if you could keep your eyes peeled for them that would be great. I can't even focus or work today, I can't eat, I seriously feel like it was an ugly break up, and I am hoping against hopes that it was not that and you are not done with me. Please don't cut me off, I really don't think I can handle that.

    I am so sorry.



    Dear lace w:st="on">Elizabethlace>,

    Thank you for your concern. I'll be sure to file it away under "L" for "Long-winded diatribes from drunken whores I couldn't care less about".

    You did a stupid thing huh? No...doing long division and forgetting to carry the one is "a stupid thing"; Mixing in a red sock with a load of whites is "a stupid thing"; Blowing some guy in a bathroom for 45minutes while I sit at the bar wondering if you're taking so long because you ate too much bran that morning isn't as much a "Stupid thing" as it is grounds for permanent removal from my social calendar.

    To be honest, I'm not sure if it was more amusing that you went and degraded yourself in a public toilet not once but twice in a 2 hour span, or that you seemed to think that by saying "Well, I didn't F**k him" somehow gave you a clean slate. So forgive me if I couldn't care less if the world "looked funny" to you yesterday. Since your world revolves around blow dryers, golden retrievers, Prada Bags and Jelly Beans, I'm sure it must have been most unsettling to actually have to consider someone else's feelings for 24 hours straight. The good news for you is that my friends
    don't think you're a terrible person, they just think you're the average run of the mill cum-guzzling blond who commands about as much respect as your average child porn collector. I could be wrong but, it's pretty hard to respect some B&T chick who comes out to spend the night at my place even though she's seeing someone else in New jersey and winds up tongue-bathing the taint of anyone who decides 30 minutes of droning commentary on Colin Farrell's new haircut is worth putting up with for a hand job in the men's room. The good thing about being a guy is that when I eventually bump into the young lad who finger-blasted you on top of a towel dispenser last saturday, we'll have a shot and laugh our heads off about the time it happened.

    By the way, for the amount of time you claim to spend in spin class you really must be doing something wrong to sport the thunder thighs you do. Watching you parade around my bedroom in a thong was a little like watching sea lions mate. Thought you might like to know.

    PS. I BCC'd about 100 people on this email.

    Talk to you never,
  2. classic

    go on son!
  3. lovely responce... quite the linguist this fella :)
  4. Aptly put i think
  5. Outstanding. The power of the internet. I reckon the 100 BCCs would have bounced it to their mates and so on. Within an hour the whole of NY would have been falling about over this including the girls parents, probably without knowing it was her.
  6. lol you can see it now... all those girls in NYC called Elizabeth who have just finnished with thier fellas are now under scrutiny from thier mates :)

    I mean come on there must be more than one :)
  7. Outstanding? Well it made me chuckle and deserved a bump.

    Best bit:
    Especially the last paragraph will make her paranoid as fcuk. :D
  8. Have just sent it to my missus! its probabaly gone round the world 4 more times by now.
  9. :lol: Fan fcokin tastic! Absoloute classic. I've just managed to laugh coffee out through my nose and am getting concerned looks from my colleagues. Brad whoever you are - Good drills
  11. A joke for ya:

    An Australian guy decides to travel around theGreek Islands . He
    walks into a bar and Jill (the Australian Barmaid) takes his order, a
    Fosters, and notices his accent. Over the course of the night they get to
    know each other.

    At the end of Jill's shift he asks her if she wants to come back to
    his place and have s*x with him. Although she is attracted to him she says
    no. He then offers to pay her $200 for s*x. Jill is travelling the world
    because she is short of funds she agrees.

    The next night the guy turns up again, orders Fosters and after showing her
    plenty of attention throughout the night he asks if she will sleep with him
    again for $200. Jill remembers the night before and is only too happy to

    This goes on for 5 nights. On the 6th night the guy comes in, orders
    Fosters and sits in the corner. Jill thinks that if she pays him more some
    attention then maybe she can then shake some more cash out of him again, so
    she goes over and sits next to him.
    She asks him where he's from in Australia and he tells her:

    " Melbourne ".|
    "So am I... What suburb in Melbourne ?"
    "Glen Iris" he replies
    "That's amazing..." she says, "So am I - what Street?"
    " Cameo Street " he replies

    "This is unbelievable..." she says,"What number?"

    He says "Number 20" and she is totally astonished.
    "You are not going to believe this but I'm from Number 22! My parents still
    live there!"

    "I know..." he says, "Your Father gave me $1,000 to give to you"

  12. J_D

    J_D LE

    Because his reply shows he has no feelings at all!!

    Good reply though! Wonder if her parents got it?
  13. Or he has feelings but is resisting the urge to rip her to shreds in person. With "no" feelings, would he have wasted the time to reply at all? Revenge usually means hurt, hurt always means feelings.
  14. J_D

    J_D LE


    You are so right! If this didn't bother him, he wouldn't of replied and added 100 people to it.

    Ah well, he'll learn by his mistakes. Don't date a wh0re or be foolish :wink:
  15. Good to know there are a few lasses out there happy to tame a trouser snake with her tounge.. Good drills to Liz!