A friend finds himself in the unusual position of potentially being a first time father at the age of 42 and now all his mates and family will have proof heâs had sex!
To sum up the situation, his good lady, some 17 years his junior, has been off her grub and has felt constantly sick for a while and âjust to make sure she wasnât pregnantâ before going to the drs ref her tummy she took a DIY test which showed sheâs âwith childâ. Both of them are in the vicinity of that big river in Egypt, despite a further two DIY tests showing sheâs 3+ weeks preggers!
I have carried out my own empirical research and when uttering the names of certain foods i.e. bubble and squeak, haggis, full fry up with grated cheese on the beans, the lady in question had a gag reflex akin to that of a 15 year old convent girl in a block full of junior leaders and as such I conclude she is now truly, up the duff!
I feel my friend is in delayed shock and fear for his sanity once the novelty of him being breast-fed by her whilst enjoying a sly one of the wrist wears off. As a confirmed bachelor who neither knows of or pays for any sprogs I feel under equipped as to advise him on the role of a father, parenting or dealing with hormonal bitches who crave peanut butter and mash covered shepardâs pie and garlic and Worcester sauce ice cream!
Any advice from the good membership would be appreciated and passed on!
Oh, the one piece of advice I could have given him based on first hand experience of the lady in question before they met being âmake her bite down on the pillow whilst kicking her back doors in to avoid fatherhoodâ Iâm avoiding giving for obvious reasons
To sum up the situation, his good lady, some 17 years his junior, has been off her grub and has felt constantly sick for a while and âjust to make sure she wasnât pregnantâ before going to the drs ref her tummy she took a DIY test which showed sheâs âwith childâ. Both of them are in the vicinity of that big river in Egypt, despite a further two DIY tests showing sheâs 3+ weeks preggers!
I have carried out my own empirical research and when uttering the names of certain foods i.e. bubble and squeak, haggis, full fry up with grated cheese on the beans, the lady in question had a gag reflex akin to that of a 15 year old convent girl in a block full of junior leaders and as such I conclude she is now truly, up the duff!
I feel my friend is in delayed shock and fear for his sanity once the novelty of him being breast-fed by her whilst enjoying a sly one of the wrist wears off. As a confirmed bachelor who neither knows of or pays for any sprogs I feel under equipped as to advise him on the role of a father, parenting or dealing with hormonal bitches who crave peanut butter and mash covered shepardâs pie and garlic and Worcester sauce ice cream!
Any advice from the good membership would be appreciated and passed on!
Oh, the one piece of advice I could have given him based on first hand experience of the lady in question before they met being âmake her bite down on the pillow whilst kicking her back doors in to avoid fatherhoodâ Iâm avoiding giving for obvious reasons