What’s been your biggest/worst Christmas day surprise?

Well I thought shitting myself on the main gate at Hamel at 3 in the morning when I thought I was going to fart was quite a supprise!
Then the wife setting fire to the kitchen when we were at JHQ on Christmas morning was a supprise aswell!

But today, that has all been well and truely hit-for-six as my nubile (and I mean FIT) 17 year old niece has come out to her family (wife and I always had our thoughts which way she batted).

But if thats not enough she has started to take sex change tablets and now wants to known as 'Dave'. FFS she/it/he is only 17.

All those perverted thoughts what they got up to in the dorms after lights out at her posh girls school are ruined!

Just Google whats involved as the wife trys to answere questions from my little lad. I'm just glad I pulled the giblets out the turkey yesterday and sewed it up!

Whats been the biggest Christmas supprise you've had?
Step dad poping his clogs 8 years ago and leaving every thing too me old block was fit as anything mind you I hated him but paying the mortgage off 21 years early made up for it.
The RSM smashing my window in my bunk at Wildenrath to break in and serve Gunfire. The unsociable twat had given me 5 extras, day on day off for belting a Snowdrop on the gate a couple of weeks earlier.

He didn't like being told to fuck off when he chapped on my door. I'd only got off stag an hour before.

My bunk was freezing till I got a new window put in.

And I got fucking billed for it.
Granted, the day isn't over, but so far my kids haven't exchanged an single cross word with each other. Now that's a fucking surprise!!
I farted & followed thru..you want piccies of my stained boxers?..
As ARRSE is an equal opportunity site, I see no reason why you shouldn't post a pic of your shitty nickers. In fact I should do it pretty damn soon before the ARRSE Scat and marginalised perverse groups Outreach Officer knocks on your door.
Just watched the Inbetweeners Movie with the future inlaws...wasn't expecting to have to do that.
Today has been fairly numbing. Dog shitting in the kitchen. Mindless drivel from the two loons all fucking day. 7 days and counting .....
House party at the sister in law's last night. Best surprise was her dress having shrunk in the wash.

The only difference between seeing pubes and not was the fact she'd shaved.

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Just watched the Inbetweeners Movie with the future inlaws...wasn't expecting to have to do that.
That must have been awful. At least its a piss take and not super explicit. I went to see Black Swan with my mum...
My worst, huh! New Years morning 1967 Singapore, Gillman, finding the 2/ickey blinders in a monsoon drain, helped the cunt out, dusted him down, hailed a fast black for the twat who duly wished me all the best then on the first muster parade of the year, put me on a fizzer because he smelt alcohol on my breath and declared me drunk on duty, fucking bastard, I shoulda left the cunt to drown in the next downpour, still, what can you expect from a former razman polishing his pension, cunt.

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