Whas like us?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Auld-Yin, Oct 29, 2005.

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  1. Auld-Yin

    Auld-Yin LE Reviewer Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    Being bored, p issed and in a 'I couldn't give a *' mode, I thought that I would share this with the unedumicated south of the Rio Tweed (or Solway). This is not original and may have have seen the light of day on ARRSE but I feel it needed another airing.

    Wha's Like UsThe average Englishman in the home he calls his castle, slips into his national costume - a shabby raincoat - patented by Chemist Charles Macintosh from Glasgow, Scotland.
    En route to his office he strides along the english lane, surfaced by John Macadam of Ayr, Scotland.
    He drives an American car fitted with tyres invented by John Boyd Dunlop, Veterinary Surgeon of Dreghorn, Scotland.
    At the office he receives the mail bearing adhesive stamps invented by John Chalmers, Bookseller and Printer of Dundee, Scotland.
    During the day he uses the telephone invented by Alexander Graham Bell, born in Edinburgh, Scotland.
    At home in the evening his daughter pedals her bicycle invented by Kirkpatrick Macmillan, Blacksmith of Thornhill, Dumfriesshire, Scotland.
    He watches the news on T.V. an invention of John Logie Baird of Helensburgh, Scotland and hears an item about the U.S. Navy founded by John Paul Jones of Kirkbean, Scotland.
    He has now been reminded too much of Scotland and in desperation he picks up the bible, only to find that the first man mentioned in the good book is a Scot - King James V1 - who authorised its translation.
    He could take to drink but the Scots make the best in the world.
    He could take a rifle and end it all but the breach loading rifle was invented by Captain Ferguson of Pitfours, Scotland.
    If he escaped death, he could find himself on an operating table injected with penicillan, discovered by Sir Alexander Fleming of Darvel, Scotland and given Chloroform, an anaesthetic discovered by Sir james Young Simpson, Obstetrician and Gynaecologist of Bathgate, Scotland.
    Out of the anaesthetic he would find no comfort in learning that he was safe as the Bank of England founded by William paterson of Dumfries Scotland.
    Perhaps his only remaining hope would be to get a transfusion of guid Scottish blood which would entitle him to ask --------
    Wha's Like Us

    Damn few!

    The above examples do not mention the name of the inventor of the World Wide Web (www) who is also a Scot. Without his input I could not wind up the South Brits or receive their plaudits. Prize to the first to name him ( clue - received high honour recently).
  2. Sorry, you're wrong, Auld-Yin. Al Gore invented the www. He said so himself.

  3. Auld-Yin

    Auld-Yin LE Reviewer Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    Seems to be as accurate as your view on the IRA. Feck off.
  4. :lol:
  5. And not fogetting RAb C Nesbitt the inventor of the Deep Fried everything
  6. napier

    napier LE Moderator Reviewer

    I thought Baird invented the mechanical TV that no-one wanted and that some young yank chap invented the real one.

    I've never really understood why the Scots/Welsh have such a downer on being part of GB/UK; I mean, the individual countries have all done fine things, but as a United Kingdom we conquered a quarter of the globe and left a legacy equalled only perhaps by the Romans. Maybe its just sour grapes about being perceived as junior partners, and they'd be happy if they were 'top dog'. Whatever it is, its negative, childish and sad.
  7. Auld Yin,
    you forgot to mention the Arbroathian legend of Deep Fried Battered Mars Bars.
    Next youll be telling us Jocks invented the kilt. :roll:

  8. For Kilt read Burburry Skirt! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
  9. As stated by Ewan McGregor in Trainspotting 'we're a nation colonised by w'anchors!'

    lots of love

    an English w'anchor

    PS......we won!
  10. The English tartan
  11. Yes, cheer up, your MPs tell us what to do despite being unelected in England, all our hard-earned tax dosh goes shotting up the M1 to keep you in deep-fried pizza slices, you have your own parliament, your kids to to college and don't pay fees (but English students at your colleges do), your kinsmen are totally over-represented in the national government and, oh, the scenery is quite nice too.

    You also foisted George Galloway on us. Thanks a bunch.

  12. We invented rape and pillage!!!
    I know we didn't but MY ancestors enjoyed it :D
    FREEDOM!!!!!!! :roll:
    Edited because I have a flat head
  13. A damn few is a damn few too many
  14. And damn those few.
  15. The Porridge Wogs have always been good at inventing things as long as they have an Englishman telling them what to do.

    They're a bit like a clever baby. Amusing to watch, fun to play with, occasionally surprise you by coming up with something spectacular but when left on their own, they're only any good for whining, crying and babbling shite :)