Well, what a cnut I was as a Subbie on the Range

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by copey, Apr 27, 2004.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. yes! youve heard it before. the best way to raise morale is by lowering someone elses! but just how far will you go....?

    whilst bored and freezing cold down the ranges we decided the best way to get warm was with a bit of wrestling between shoots.

    One of the troop decided to give us all a morale boost by completing a "flying back slam" on one of the less fortunate troop members!
    the result? one broken leg! I laughed so much i was nearly sick .

    the guy with the broken leg was almost crying but everyone just stood there laughing at him !!! heheheh tw@t
     
  2. Ventress

    Ventress LE Moderator

    Prior to our First Gulf War deployments pre training at Sennelager, the lads bored between details on the Range decided to get out a water bottle and have a friendly game of murder ball.

    1x Dislocated shoulder
    1x cruciate knee injury
    various lacerations

    How the OC laughed.................................. :lol:
     
  3.  
  4. For a minute there I thought I had clicked on the poofters thread by mistake. I had a scarey vision of a bunch of squaddies in the prone position wearing leotards & tights. :oops: :wink:
     
  5. Ventress

    Ventress LE Moderator

    Could easily be seen as a comment from a porn film shoot!
     
  6. mm it makes the mind boggle.... what else did you imagine?
    (do you put sugar in your tea or LSD?)
     
  7. After weeks on patrol, we'd steel various items of bedding (blanket, pillow, etc) soak it with water and stuff it in the freeze box when one of the guys (usually the one no one liked) was on watch. Right before he was due to get off, we'd replace the purloined bedding and replace it - rock solid.
     
  8. Best I saw was on an RMAS exercise. After 24 hrs digging in the snow, the DS turned up with lots of CS pellets and spray, and set off the NAIAD. All of us obviously dropped what we were doing and carried out the drills correctly. Correctly, that is, except for the chap who stuck his hand into his respirator haversack and pulled out.....his iron! Outstanding planning by some wag!
     
    • Like Like x 3
  9. Only sugar. . . . .promise :wink:
     
  10. on ex on salisbury plain some considerable time ago , had to demo defence in built up areas for junior ruperts , basically barricaded a house in imber up to f**k and invited them to "come and have a go".
    so during the attack (which proceeded under a hail of piss soaked half sandbags) i stripped down a thundy and covered it in black maskers with 2 sticky patches on each side , as the first "rupe" stuck his head up through the dannert coil we'd bounced down the stairs it was struck , and stuck to the top of his helmet , oh the look of confusion as he "hosed us down"
    only to be met by 3 sappers with big grins and fingers in ears , and the way his helmet cover f**ked off through the window as he slumped semi concious on the stairs. anyone else got any stories involving the misuse of pyro in all shapes and forms , you know the stuff , chermulys in the anti tank role etc.
     
  11. Talking of Chermuly's in the tank action role. We used to stand at either end of the long corridors in the old style barrack blocks and 'amush' targets coming back from the NAAFI.. Bit daft actually because if you missed the sprog with bag of ginsters, it usualy meant 'blue on blue'. Mate lost his hair doing the very same thing.

    Chermuly mit T Bang strapped to it was always a good 84 substitute. Cleared a night club in Mansfield many years ago with a large collection of smoke all of varying colours. Should have seen the colour of the plebs as they ran out. It looked like a smartie convention.

    T bang down the exhaust of a 432. Even saw some wag try it with a Gazelle exhaust at the end of a rather long exercise on Soltau. You know, the usual Battle group washup at Reinsahlen camp. 1000's of pi55ed up squaddies after 6 weeks on the area. If you werent covertly undoing Chieftan track pins, you were filling the tankies doss bags with 10 man rat pack sausage tins full of turd. I dont think the AAC Gaz crew found the funny side of their floppies exhaust looking like an old porn stars arse after a world record attempt of 'double anal'!

    I must add as a foot note. All the above actions had nothing whatsoever to do with me as that would attract the attention of the scuffers and also be very dangerous and illegal....
     
  12. I think it was an officer in the KRH in Batus a few years ago who went off for a shovel recce........saw something bright and shiny and in a moment of boredom before the otters popped out bashed what turned out to be some unexploded batsims/ordnance with his shovel and spent the rest of his career wearing an eyepatch...........The stupid Fcuker! :D
     
  13. I gather that a legendary and certified sane RGJ C/Sgt was tasked with providing a nice big bang during the visit of one of the Royal Family. During the rehearsal it was deemed by the Head Shed that the bang needed to be bigger and so off Johnnie Q trotted to add P for Plenty. This is the night before the visit.

    Off goes the new improved BatSim taking out a good proportion of the windows overlooking the Parade Square..... :lol:
     
  14. there was an incident at RE training reg in the '80s were a rupert and a QMSI (should have known better ) tried to feed a roll of det cord onto a fire , now as det cord "burns" at 6/8000kms a second they didn't stand much of a chance of "out-reeling"it

    nurse , pass the prosthetic limbs please.
     
  15. We had (in the late 1980s) the biggest to55er on the planet as a Company Commander.... truly loved himself, worst case of "not invented here" you ever saw. HQ LAND probably still have a desk permanently devoted to handling his lunatic complaints (he managed to get a certain newspaper to run an "investigative" article that revealed how a secret cabal of old-boys network had conspired to unfairly dismiss him from the TA.... followed by standing at a General Election as "Anti-Sleaze Party", only to get nine votes....)

    Anyway, he had decided to carry out some "Junior Officer Education" on the ranges; there was a blind, he was RCO, and he was explaining how you always lit a test length of fuse and timed it before you wired up for *BNAG*, when our PSI, who fortunately had wandered over to listen, prevented him from attempting to light a test length of Detcord.

    Still; better than when he turned up as a young (regular) rupert at his 1st Bn in a rural TAOR in NI in the late 1970s/early 1980s; Adjt thought "send keen young rupert to Recce Pl". Veracity verified by our Trg Maj who had been a fellow, but slightly older, subaltern......

    He gets to Bn, taken to stores, got asked "want waterproofs?" "Nope, got me own" (this in the days of ponchos). Asked "want a bergen?" "Nope, got me own" (this in the days of 58 pattern large packs). Thrown onto helicopter, flown to GRxxxxxx to be met by grimy stubbly serious-looking people, climbs out of helicopter with bright blue civvy bergen and yellow civvy waterproof top. Promptly thrown back onto helicopter and sent back....

    God knows, he got sent on one of the first COP courses. Apparently, they all get the serious "this is a new course; we're working on improving the course with your input; there are no silly questions" chat, and said nutter sticks his hand up and asks "what does COP stand for".