Well done this black belt ...

Discussion in 'The Intelligence Cell' started by BounceBanana, Jan 10, 2013.

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  1. Ignore him, just another one of the mentalists on this site
  2. He came home one night to find the entire of Kent Constabulary going through his Mrs.
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  3. You wouldn't believe what happened to me today. I'd just dropped my neighbour and one of her old friends (she's got a bad hip and doesn't get out much) at the day care centre - it's so friendly there and as I help out a bit the manageress offered me a cordial or two (I would never have dreamt that it had alcohol in it). It was lovely to see the old folk so jolly so I stayed for a couple of hours. Anyway eventually I decided to make my way home - I was merrily pottering along when all of a sudden a police officer in a panda car started to flash me from behind.

    Naturally I pulled over - he immediately came running up to the window and unfortunately being somewhat nervous ( I've never been stopped by the police before) I stalled the engine , the car jerked and ran over the chap's foot. He started hopping about and shouting the most terrible threats at me through the glass - he was clearly very cross.

    I didn't want to anger him further so I got out of the car as quickly as possible but I'm quite tall and my back gives me Old Harry; no sooner had I said 'How can I help you officer' than he pulled out a big can of hairspray and started to spray it at me. My chest has always been a little weak since I caught diphtheria at the orphanage so I was slightly worried I might get the wheezes. I tried to placate him but he kept spraying...

    I stepped towards him but as he was fumbling for his radio he tripped over the kerb -I was just reaching to help him up when all of a sudden a little chap jumped into the road - quite literally jumped -and he was making those funny noises that fellow Bruce Lee does in the old chinkie films.
    'I'll f*ck you up big time..' 'You're going down buddy...' and all sorts of similar threats. Then the funny little chap started dancing around kicking his legs about. If I hadn't been so cross due to the rudeness of the police officer I'd have found it funny.

    Eventually I'd had quite enough of his antics and as I'm not as young as I used to be I was quite done in so I went and sat in the back of the police car.....
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  4. BB, I was chatting with Sussex police the other day and they reckon you're a right shitcunt.
  5. and then Surrey police chipped in an said you were a ******* quim.

    I'd have them if I were you.
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  6. SC019 think you are a buffoon too. Sleep with one eye open mate...Cushty
  7. I've heard Hampshire Police think you're a stand up guy and would love to hear your views on Policing in the modern age.
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  8. Greater Manchester and Lancashire Police forces couldn't be reached for comment, The Met said they'd get around to it.
  9. He goes and spoils it by turning it into a epic motivational speech on his website

    martial artists=bullied at school weirdos
  10. Strathclyde Polis spokesman was busy scratching his arse and sniffing his fingers and said they might comment if they could be ******* arsed.

    Or trolly shoving skip lickers at Tesco's
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  11. HEDDLU said, gwymfallachtbunfightpillothllangolbyn. The phlegm chewing ***** they are.

    Sent from my GT-I9100 using ARRSE mobile app
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  12. West Midlands Police spokesman said, "If the **** comes up here, he's gonna take a fall down the stairs...."