Welcome to Paradise

#1
I'm a snob, I get told by my mother that I am a snob, my wife says it sometimes and do you know what? So fucking what? I like nice things, I have changed jobs to chase money so that I can afford nice things and most of the time I am happy with my life. I try hard not to act a twat and generally I'm pretty easy going on most issues.


But at the moment I am living through a holiday that I am fucking hating more than anything that I have endured.

We usually go on a good holiday every Easter, chasing the sun, maybe skiing in January and a nice holiday in summer.
Last year we got the camping bug, more glamping really, and went to Hurley near the Thames with friends and had a fun couple of weekends.

So out I went and bought a sod off big Outwell tent with all of the kit, and spent the winter doing up a VW T4 with fridge, cooker (and made it look 'rad'.....I think that is what the street kids say nowadays).

So last year we stayed 5 nights in The Haven in Poole and had a great time. So this year, why not go camping around Poole instead? Yeah, of course, it's going to be a wonderfull English, 5 go mad in Dorset style holiday, lashings of Ginger Ale etc.

My wife booked up the camping location and we are all set. On the drive down, she mentioned about how handy the kids club would be.....kids club? Eh? What do you mean kids club love?

And night time entertainment? WTF? What is this place?

It's fucking Butlins, but with tents.
I am spending 5 days of my life on a Travellers re-enactment holiday. Screaming kids, screaming foul mouthed parents, footballs being kicked everywhere, the outdoor pool is closed cause somebody has shat in it, the equivelant of Watneys red barrel, chad as fuck entertainment, hi-de-fuckin-hi.


Last night during a heavy downpour, my new £850 tent decided to leak. So 2 hours of sleep last night and this morning I was considering waiting for it to dry out so I could advise my wife and daughter to vacate the fucker as I wanted to flick matches at it.

I'll organise next years holiday, Singapore next year, no arguments.

I realise that I'll be getting shit of you lot for this post, but I needed to vent, feeling better now, showered and drinking a Hendrcks and Tonic with cucumber, listening to the Marc Riley show.

Have any of you had shit holidays that you wish to share?


2 days left, where's me dag?
 

Drivers_lag

On ROPS
On ROPs
#3
I cannot think of a more miserable experience than going camping with children.

You fucking tube.

You deserve everything you've got coming.
 
#5
Do we need to know this???
Im really trying to care less, are you walting as a snob, theres got to be some point to this post
 
#9
A bloke I know (Danny) says if you want a 9mil + a couple of rounds to end it all, he has a spare he can let you have now the heat has been turned down a bit.

Poole, tent, kids? You don't deserve a quick end.
 
#12
Did ye get da one wid da shag poyle caaaaarpet?
Nope, I put in expensive sound proofing, Wipe clean flooring (as used in hospitals), and I painted it in 'rape van black'.
I have yet to fit it with the masking tape dispensing unit and hammer as I have yet to decide on Ball Peen or Claw.

Also I didn't realise how long it took to dig a well / pit. The summer sun has made the ground really dry to dig through and there are a lot of stones and rocks to dig through in my area.
 
#14
I'm a snob, I get told by my mother that I am a snob, my wife says it sometimes and do you know what? So fucking what? I like nice things, I have changed jobs to chase money so that I can afford nice things and most of the time I am happy with my life. I try hard not to act a twat and generally I'm pretty easy going on most issues.


But at the moment I am living through a holiday that I am fucking hating more than anything that I have endured.

We usually go on a good holiday every Easter, chasing the sun, maybe skiing in January and a nice holiday in summer.
Last year we got the camping bug, more glamping really, and went to Hurley near the Thames with friends and had a fun couple of weekends.

So out I went and bought a sod off big Outwell tent with all of the kit, and spent the winter doing up a VW T4 with fridge, cooker (and made it look 'rad'.....I think that is what the street kids say nowadays).

So last year we stayed 5 nights in The Haven in Poole and had a great time. So this year, why not go camping around Poole instead? Yeah, of course, it's going to be a wonderfull English, 5 go mad in Dorset style holiday, lashings of Ginger Ale etc.

My wife booked up the camping location and we are all set. On the drive down, she mentioned about how handy the kids club would be.....kids club? Eh? What do you mean kids club love?

And night time entertainment? WTF? What is this place?

It's fucking Butlins, but with tents.
I am spending 5 days of my life on a Travellers re-enactment holiday. Screaming kids, screaming foul mouthed parents, footballs being kicked everywhere, the outdoor pool is closed cause somebody has shat in it, the equivelant of Watneys red barrel, chad as fuck entertainment, hi-de-fuckin-hi.


Last night during a heavy downpour, my new £850 tent decided to leak. So 2 hours of sleep last night and this morning I was considering waiting for it to dry out so I could advise my wife and daughter to vacate the fucker as I wanted to flick matches at it.

I'll organise next years holiday, Singapore next year, no arguments.

I realise that I'll be getting shit of you lot for this post, but I needed to vent, feeling better now, showered and drinking a Hendrcks and Tonic with cucumber, listening to the Marc Riley show.

Have any of you had shit holidays that you wish to share?


2 days left, where's me dag?
I feel your pain.
 
#15
I'm a snob, I get told by my mother that I am a snob, my wife says it sometimes and do you know what? So fucking what? I like nice things, I have changed jobs to chase money so that I can afford nice things and most of the time I am happy with my life. I try hard not to act a twat and generally I'm pretty easy going on most issues.


But at the moment I am living through a holiday that I am fucking hating more than anything that I have endured.






It's fucking Butlins, but with tents.
I am spending 5 days of my life on a Travellers re-enactment holiday. Screaming kids, screaming foul mouthed parents, footballs being kicked everywhere, the outdoor pool is closed cause somebody has shat in it, the equivelant of Watneys red barrel, chad as fuck entertainment, hi-de-fuckin-hi.
Just pause a while and consider your chavvy neighbours feelings, having you pitched next to them and acting all hoity toity like.
 
#16
It's the location that's the problem ffs!
You deserve all your getting just for drinking Gin and tonic with cucumber, you fucking puff!
 
#17
Sounds fucking shit, I couldn't handle a 4 day holiday to Scotland with my kids, I snapped after 3 and drove the 8 hours back to South Wales, fucking my return flight off and handing a hire car in at Cardiff that should have been dropped off in Edinburgh.

I always leave the kids with her Mother or Sister these days, kids will just fuck up your holiday, everything becomes focused around them, kids clubs, entertainment, child friendly this, safety that, no unsupervised.......fuck off you miserable little bastards I'm on holiday.

I can see why my parents never took us on holiday when we were kids, well that and the fact we were fucking skint.

Next holiday, bin the kids with the grandparents or something and treat yourself to something relaxing.
I just took the wife for a long weekend to the forest of Dean, stayed in one of them forest lodge thingy's.
Took the dogs and spent 4 days, walking the dogs in the near deserted and rather large, quiet, mostly unspoiled forest, eating, having an hour or so in the hot tub then sitting by the fire drinking myself fucking daft.
Fucking bliss.
 

Joker62

ADC
Book Reviewer
#18
It's the location that's the problem ffs!
You deserve all your getting just for drinking Gin and tonic with cucumber, you fucking puff!
Ahem, cucumber is the accompaniment of choice with Hendricks apparently!
 
#19
You fucking retard. Normal people are cured of the urge to camp or exercise by the time they leave the army.
 
#20
Next holiday, bin the kids with the grandparents or something and treat yourself to something relaxing.
I just took the wife for a long weekend to the forest of Dean, stayed in one of them forest lodge thingy's.
Took the dogs and spent 4 days, walking the dogs in the near deserted and rather large, quiet, mostly unspoiled forest, eating, having an hour or so in the hot tub then sitting by the fire drinking myself fucking daft.
Fucking bliss.
My wife doesn't understand why I enjoy my Somme & Ypres trips or Le Mans trips with my brother and a few mates on the bikes so much. What's enjoyable about blasting about on bikes in France? With good beer? And battlefields? And late night eating and drinking?
How wired I am. :)
 

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