Welcome to Fukwitistan.

Having logged on to ARRSE a couple of times over the weekend and today, I was quite astounded to note how many inane, irrelevant and ill thought out threads had appeared. Mostly from those either considering joining the army or actually accepted and awaiting to go to Phase 1. So, here’s a thread for those incapable or too bone idle to research their chosen career. Where bone questions can be asked and rightly mocked.

Some examples might be:

1. When I go to Basic Training can I still wear my own pyjamas?
2. My 1.5 mile time is down to 22 minutes, will I pass selection?
3. If I take my SIM card to Phase 1 will it work in an army radio and allow me free calls?
4. My surname is Smith; will I automatically be called Smudge as I prefer Darren?
5. Will other recruits laugh at me in the shower because I have a penis the size of a frozen shrimp?

So the rules are quite simple; ensure that your question is as inane as possibly can be; try to word your question in poor English preferably without punctuation and in chav speak; endeavour to pour abusive remarks on those of your betters who answer your question using the derision and sarcasm it so richly deserves.

Enjoy … and welcome to Fukwitistan!
Because i made the lifstyle choice to be emo will the army allow me to keep my hair long, my many peircings in and let me tell the nasty DI to stop shouting at me cos my girlfriend dumped me again? 8O

inane enough for K13? :twisted: :wink:
How much leave do I get in basic training?
Will they give me a house for my girlfriend to look after our kids while im in basic?
Can we wear jeans at night?
Can my mum visit me at night?
Will the army pay for childcare while Im in basic training?

The first 3 are geniune questions that I know have been asked.
Will I be allowed to keep my team of huskies in my locker during basic?

Oh yes, and do I have to park my sledge outside the main gate?
1. Can I bring my laptop to play the latest fukwit game?

2. Will the rest of my block take the piss out of me for having ginger hair/a big nose/ one eyebrow... etc... ?

3. Do I have to bring my own underwear?

5. Will other recruits laugh at me in the shower because I have a penis the size of a frozen shrimp?
That happens to be true. Smit... I mean Smudge told me.


Book Reviewer
[cynical] the docs rite, hav receeved notes an stuff from my gp. iv had asma, psorai, prosi, prso, skin trubble and am def in one ere yeh?

iv been tole that this will stope me joinin but i feel alllrite. is there any wae i can appeal

cheers for all helps m8s [/cynical]

Being fair though, they are just really keen and there's no real harm to it. Just wish they'd spend some time with the search function now and again.

Edit to add: Balls. Didn't realise this was in the Naafi.
I have a samurai sword and nunchakas, will I be given suitable pouches so I can wear them on my webbing?
if i work over 8 hours what overtime rate will i be on and can i use my i-pod on the drill square cos it helps me get in the groove?? :x
Can i bring my own uniform cuase i got it of ebay an i look well meen init an i got my own shooter an everyfing so can i bring it wiv me?
Can I still masturbate or is against regulations?

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