I'm on a course right now, theoretically being edumacated, and as is usual, my attention invariably wanders away from the subject at hand. Regardless of what we're being taught, truly bizarre teachers and lecturers are thin on the ground here in Shrivenham - in fact, the majority are utterly normal - which is slightly baffling, as I distinctly remembered being taught by a truly inspiring collection of mad and deranged teachers over the years. For example, Peter S**** (noted RAF person who taught physics) would routinely appear for school everyday in the same shirt and with his trousers held up by a piece of bunsen burner tubing. It also transpired that he was sleeping in the CCF building at night having been thrown out by Mrs S****. We also had the World's Heaviest Chain Smoker for Chemistry, who would leave the classroom every 5-10 minutes for a fag before re-appearing in a fug of smoke, hastily popping mints and chewing gum. She had a truly foul temper, which usually manifested itself in the throwing of tripods before she would dash off outside again. Oh, and she was a drunk - stored her gin in those massive glass bottles they have in labs. We also had 'ROK' for Biology - who was far too interested in sexual education - he would tell us about how Mrs ROK liked being 'penetrated from behind' - as he put it 'she likes it when she can feel the head of my penis rubbing the front wall of her vagina' - heady stuff for a pack of unruly 13 year old boys. Mr Berry - had a fondness for lifting boys out of their chairs by pulling their sidies up, and throwing blackboard rubbers - until he caught someone in the eye, necessitating ambulance support; and of course the obligatory Teaching Assistant who regularly saw me reaching the culminating point at break times - on my own, I might add! Is it just me, or have all these barmy maniacs been consigned to history?