Weird Teachers and Lecturers

I'm on a course right now, theoretically being edumacated, and as is usual, my attention invariably wanders away from the subject at hand.

Regardless of what we're being taught, truly bizarre teachers and lecturers are thin on the ground here in Shrivenham - in fact, the majority are utterly normal - which is slightly baffling, as I distinctly remembered being taught by a truly inspiring collection of mad and deranged teachers over the years.

For example, Peter S**** (noted RAF person who taught physics) would routinely appear for school everyday in the same shirt and with his trousers held up by a piece of bunsen burner tubing. It also transpired that he was sleeping in the CCF building at night having been thrown out by Mrs S****.

We also had the World's Heaviest Chain Smoker for Chemistry, who would leave the classroom every 5-10 minutes for a fag before re-appearing in a fug of smoke, hastily popping mints and chewing gum. She had a truly foul temper, which usually manifested itself in the throwing of tripods before she would dash off outside again. Oh, and she was a drunk - stored her gin in those massive glass bottles they have in labs.

We also had 'ROK' for Biology - who was far too interested in sexual education - he would tell us about how Mrs ROK liked being 'penetrated from behind' - as he put it 'she likes it when she can feel the head of my penis rubbing the front wall of her vagina' - heady stuff for a pack of unruly 13 year old boys.

Mr Berry - had a fondness for lifting boys out of their chairs by pulling their sidies up, and throwing blackboard rubbers - until he caught someone in the eye, necessitating ambulance support; and of course the obligatory Teaching Assistant who regularly saw me reaching the culminating point at break times - on my own, I might add! :D

Is it just me, or have all these barmy maniacs been consigned to history?
Oh, and Mr Perkins, who taught RE until he discovered he cared more about the pigeons who infested the clock tower and moved up there fulltime and had to be coaxed down by the police.
My old art teacher was a strange bloke. He smoked wacky backy in his supply cupboard and was the spitting image of Salvidor Dali, unfotunately his skills in art didn't match his dopel ganger(sp).
He wore open toed sandels all year round and had a cravat on with a purple heart(fake I think) brooch in the middle of it.

He left and then we had Miss Gallagher, many a wet dream involving her but that's another story.
Weird teachers...
yeah, I had one... way back in the dark ages of Grade 9.. Mr. Maus, chemistry/physics class... He brought in some bell jars attached them to a suction pump and then put mice inside.. sucked out all the air and, as the little fuzzy critters exploded into pasta sauce and dripped down the jar he explained the effects of air pressure and its relationship to deep sea diving and the upper reaches of the ' earth's envelope ' as he called it...

Still get chills when I hear a small ' ping ' sound as it reminds me of the exploding mice hitting the jar glass...

got the class's attention, though.. don't think anyone missed a lesson for fear of not seeing his next ' scientific experiment '..
We had 'Jim Bowen' for 'Material Science'. I thought he was going to knock himself out with his own laser pointer at one stage. :D


Didn't have any weird lecturers only one or two who were irritating self opinionated little c*nts.

There was one chick who lectured in Geology who had hands like a brickies mate.

The best one of them all was a lad who was the double of Keith Richards from the Stones. Had the attitude and the dress sense to match. Top bloke but wouldn't take shit from anyone. He had that lived in sort of face that you just know had spent it's entirety dabbling with pharmaceuticals .
For a bizarre reason I took A level Sociology (I am very proud of the 'X' Grade I won in this subject).

On day one our lecturer walked in.

"Hello," she said, "I'm ***** and I fcuking hate men." This is absolutely true. This was the mid-80's and she really was a cardboard cut-out, loony-left Milly-Tant of the highest order. I did my A levels at FE college and was in the TA at the time and this especailly provoked her ire. We had some brilliant arguments, including one where she told me to leave the room.

"Don't oppress me!" I quipped, which sort of worked as she mumbled an apology. I began a comprehensive series of PsyOps against her. The "Joy Division" T-shirt. The Israeli Defence Force duffle bag. The tiny Red Hand of Ulster pin badge. It all worked, she was the ultimate biter.

Despite being a reasonable sort of chap I turned myself into a frothing-at-the-mouth Peter Hitchens type character especially for her lectures. I wrote rambling essays that made Nietzsche look like a Liberal Democrat. I took issue with everything she said. I drank lager during her lessons, explaining that I was a Situationist.

In short, she fcuking hated me.

She is probably still babbling leftist tripe at captive audiences in a portakabin somewhere in southeast England. Loser.

Never mind Vegetius - at least you got an 'ology' :)
I had a former Rhodesian (Zimbabwe? I don't want to hear that word in my classroom!) copper as a supply teacher for most of my standard grade history years (my normal teacher kept getting pregnant and this wacko kept getting sent to cover). Really knew his stuff but kept going off on a massive tangent every few minutes, surprising anybody learned anything at all in those classes.

Top bloke and source of some near fatal fits of laughter but sometimes gave the impression of being slightly unstable. Never had a teacher as good after he left.
A few in my time , we had a guy called mick lacey while doin my apprenticeship at arborfield who sounded just like "henrys cat" ! if you can imagine the voice, his intro to us all was "hello my name is mick lacey, but for proffesional purposes you can call me sir! "
The guy who taught us ACW was Viscount Alanbrooke who was mad as a hatter, always sh1tfaced and used to brag about how he got 200 quid just for attending and signing in at the house of lords lol.
Another guy Ken, whose surname escapes me taught engineering maths, tryin to teach a load of un interested squaddies boolean algebra, he showed his displeasure by constantly swishing a cane frantically "far too close" above our heads, crazy mo fo.
My mrs was fortunate tho, when doing her BEd in Northampton her sociology lecturer was none other than Frank Skinner, bet those lessons were awesome!
My old Maths teacher used to hang people by their blazer on the coat hooks next to the blackboard.
Crazy fool.

And yes I said blackboard! Feckin chalkboard......get a grip!

My geography teacher wore Noel Edmonds type jumpers and jesus sandles whatever the weather.

Oh and best of all we had a grog pit, the last thing you needed was an item of yours thrown down the pit, you knew you had to go get it but feck, what was worse, losin a jacket an facin the wrath of yer mam or gettin covered in grog by the whole school?
At 8 Signal Regiment in 1982, Trade Training School at Catterick, we had a gentleman who taught electrical principles.

A civilian fellow who is undoubtedly dead by now. His name was Mr. Cheek. He seemed to be constantly on the edge of outright drunkeness and was unique in having a telephone extension in his class room.

This was before widespread mobile phones. He used this instrument to place a running stream of bets on various horse during his classes. How he got away with it I just don't know.

He also used wooden cubes with ABCDEF on each face in order that we could indicate the answer to his questions. When roused to anger, he would hurl the sodding things at you with commendable accuracy given his usually soused state.

I am now mentally scarred to the point whereby I am unable to recall Ohm's law without wanting to duck...


Kit Reviewer
We had one teacher, a mad, dipso Bog Trotter who taught woodwork.

As the major interest source of thirteen year-old boys was practical female anatomy, his classes weren't high on their attention scale. On his rare sober days he kept dicipline in a was that would freak the PC mob these days.

If he caught anyone not totally engrossed in the intricacies of mortice and tenon joints, this unmitigated brain donor would hurl d wood chisels across the room at the sinner ! 8O

Luckily he always made such a racket about it that everyone could seek cover in time, but it did ensure he had the frenzied concentration of the entire class for the remainder of the lesson.

I think he was 'offered' early retirement for some reason or other.
Thommo (he would actually cane kids for calling him Mr Thompson or Sir) showed excellent motivational skills on an effeminate boy who wasn't keeping up on the school cross-country. Running up behind the laggard, he wedged the starting pistol between the cheeks of his arrse and fired two rounds, result, personal best time for sissy-boy. Last heard of Thommo about a year ago, caught drink driving and punched on with three rozzers (he is over sixty now). They don't make teachers like that anymore.
Cutaway said:
I think he was 'offered' early retirement for some reason or other.
Ah yes, the 'Early Retirement' scheme.......... We had a few of those at our school - mostly kicked in when the child sex abuse rumours got close to Prosecution!

Ah, the joys of a grammar school in the 1970s....

Our French teacher, who confiscated copies of 'Mayfair' and similar, and would then tell the class to translate a page from the text book whilst he sat at the front reading, pausing only to ask our opinion of the photos. He once called a boy to the front, said: 'I don't fcuking like you', and punched him in the face (the pupil was later convicted of murdering someone in a public lavatory, so our man may have had some foresight). Left after appearing pished at an inter-school rugby match and cycling on to the pitch.

The evil PT teacher, who punished misdemeanours in the gym with a beating, using the leather bound end of a climbing rope. He was known for his 'sunbathing club', an informal gathering in bushes near the swimming pool, for girls aged 13 - 15. He looked just like the PT Teacher in 'The Grimleys'. This was in stark contrast to his boss, a wheezy individual who would stand at the end of the showers to make sure all the boys were pink and gleaming after games, and was known to conduct underwear checks...

'R J', the history teacher who had been a POW in the Far East. Actually a really nice guy, and a great teacher, who was given to occasional bursts of irrational behaviour. He once sent the entire class out, and sat quietly in the classroom eating his sarnies.
Ah teachers & their many idioms.

At junior school in the mid 70's we had a headmaster called Mr Higham, short grey hair with the brylcreem.
Smart suit, gruff voice.
Top bloke, caned me 4 times for the little things that kids do.
Subsequently found out he was an Arnhem vet & was severely wounded there but managed to
swim back across the Rhine during the withdrawal. Why do you never know
these things when your with them? Outstanding.

High School.
Plenty of characters, most of the blokes had that ex-mil look about them & were old enough to be near retirement following war service. Had that don't give a fcuk attitude to things.
Mr Lord (History) was a geezer with thalidomide arms & used to write in beautiful handwriting on blackboard or paper despite this. Had a big fcuk of clutch of keys that he would throw at your head & hit you first time every time if you were pissing about. If anyone cried (& we sometimes did) he'd shout at you to shut up you little worm & write faster.
Plenty of the women teachers were young & new. Some great scenes of all the lads stood on chairs as an art teacher was bent over a desk & we all looked down her top. Fantastic jubblies for a 13 yr old to look at. Never wore a bra. Nipples like Antar wheel nuts.
Student maths teacher teaching us dimwits in the mongs set (CSE). Made her life hell & the poor bitch quit after having a break down due to how we all treated her & fcuked about. Bombarding her with soggy paper bombs & her running out crying. Tight little bastards. I'd give myself a kicking now!

Bomb_Doctor said:
My old Primary School teacher used to call everyone 'thieving little arabs' and smack you on the wrist with a big ruler if you wrote with your left hand............. Oh how things have changed!

LOL!! :D

Thats class!

Bet he was an ex-Aden copper or something.

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