Weird spam that made me laugh. A bit like Rowley Birkin QC

#1
I opened a new email account with hushmail.com, an encryption site, and recieved two wonderful emails, which actually made me laugh...

Both spam, since I cant possibly know either of the senders, but the verbage is hilarious, or at least mildly so, and reminded me of the charachter from the Fast Show who is a sozzled, rambling old barrister, Rowley Birkin QC, sits in his chair and spins yarns of foreign adventures, mysterious women and exotic beasts ends every soliloquy with 'I'm afraid that I was very, very drunk'.

Here they are for your delectation

The first caught my attention with its mention of "her little sabots", which really gets the military mind working...

Prairie. . . . my dear boy, we are talking very varying in
width from a few feet to several miles, her hat, her little
sabots which she wore in the person because it was too dark.
i did not hear could easily recognize the tall form and
deep and her look of unmistakeable disappointment was and
to the hurried ejaculations of the terrified respected member
of society, when i suddenly realised he came to bat the
second time he had the permanent european commercial houses,
such as ziegler.
That was from Wiatrak Haisley. The second is from Gail Franchesi

Somebody's found out a bit more about all this,' to have.
bedding out now, that's going out of yes! It said the most
frightful things. I'm afraid, ayres being selected to give
credence to the story off and replaces the letter. I looked
at poirot became a it was too much to expect of the illinois
you ran against may. I do not think my prospects about twelve.
his sort aren't early risers. The glover and with a stupid
Quite marvellous....

Dont worry, I didnt download any phishing software.

Anyone else got any gems?
 
#2
Now that's something I think he would have found rather amusing. He, after all was the wag who posted his own obituary notice in the Times, something along the lines of "JLeM would like to inform all his pals that he has snuffed it"
 

old_fat_and_hairy

LE
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
#4
I get these on a regular basis, and I'm on a MoD pc. They come with all sorts of headers, sometimes referring to software, or more recently, to the price of precious metal on stock exchange, then descend into verbos garbage, as if they had been drafted by a dyslexic and disabled Japanese trying to write in Egyptian-translated English.
Seems to be no point to then whatsoever.
 
#6
maxi_77 said:
I think it is just auto generated verbage to make the message look like a real message to an anti spam bot
Quite so. Sort of modern Lorum Ipsum.
 
#7
PE4rocks said:
maxi_77 said:
I think it is just auto generated verbage to make the message look like a real message to an anti spam bot
Quite so. Sort of modern Lorum Ipsum.
Just Googled that - everyday's a schoolday! 8)
 
#8
old_fat_and_hairy said:
I get these on a regular basis, and I'm on a MoD pc. They come with all sorts of headers, sometimes referring to software, or more recently, to the price of precious metal on stock exchange, then descend into verbos garbage, as if they had been drafted by a dyslexic and disabled Japanese trying to write in Egyptian-translated English.
Seems to be no point to then whatsoever.
I've noticed that there seems to be some correlation with Google searches you've done and legitimate emails you've sent and received - a lot of the same keywords crop up in subsequent spam emails.

From today's junk;

Gnomic wisdom from Polyp V. Barbershop

He who gathers crops in summer is a wise son, but he who sleeps during harvest is a disgraceful son
For the lips of a strange woman drop as an honeycomb, and her mouth is smoother than oil.
When It Rains and the Sun Shines at the Same Time the Devil is Beating his Wife
Like clouds and wind without rain is a man who boasts of gifts he does not give
Modulation in all things.
Beckettian prose from Luciano Corcoran

I come here often, and if any of my friends, or those who are not my friends, are too much for me, I go out and choose a plot of ground in which to bury him or her. Then I bury them, as it were; there they lie, dead and powerless, till they come back new and better characters. Their lives and their deeds, looked at after my own fashion, I write down in my diary, as every one ought to do. Then, if any of our friends act absurdly, no one need to be vexed about it. Let them bury the offenders out of sight, and keep their good temper. They can also read the Intelligencer, which is a paper written by the people, with their hands guided. When the time comes for the history of my life, to be bound by the grave, then they will write upon it as my epitaph - in excellent spirits, enjoying the gaiety and the change, that he has. She took hardly any notice of Charles Hayter yesterday.
 
#9
I think they're messages from the dead...
 
#10
big_mad_ejit said:
old_fat_and_hairy said:
I get these on a regular basis, and I'm on a MoD pc. They come with all sorts of headers, sometimes referring to software, or more recently, to the price of precious metal on stock exchange, then descend into verbos garbage, as if they had been drafted by a dyslexic and disabled Japanese trying to write in Egyptian-translated English.
Seems to be no point to then whatsoever.
I've noticed that there seems to be some correlation with Google searches you've done and legitimate emails you've sent and received - a lot of the same keywords crop up in subsequent spam emails.

From today's junk;

Gnomic wisdom from Polyp V. Barbershop
So from this, are we to assume that you are a man of varied interests?

Rasnging from gnomes, ( I wonder if its the garden variety or the "Mystic Dwarves" of Judge Floro, see arrse posts passim) to polyps, awful things to have up your arrse, as my dear old Ma will testify should you ask her, (but I reccommend you don't), to a certain type of singing popular in the last century...
 
#11
londonirish said:
big_mad_ejit said:
old_fat_and_hairy said:
I get these on a regular basis, and I'm on a MoD pc. They come with all sorts of headers, sometimes referring to software, or more recently, to the price of precious metal on stock exchange, then descend into verbos garbage, as if they had been drafted by a dyslexic and disabled Japanese trying to write in Egyptian-translated English.
Seems to be no point to then whatsoever.
I've noticed that there seems to be some correlation with Google searches you've done and legitimate emails you've sent and received - a lot of the same keywords crop up in subsequent spam emails.

From today's junk;

Gnomic wisdom from Polyp V. Barbershop
So from this, are we to assume that you are a man of varied interests?

Rasnging from gnomes, ( I wonder if its the garden variety or the "Mystic Dwarves" of Judge Floro, see arrse posts passim) to polyps, awful things to have up your arrse, as my dear old Ma will testify should you ask her, (but I reccommend you don't), to a certain type of singing popular in the last century...
The Mystic Dwarves of Judge Floro? Sounds intriguing - will have to look that one up. As for polyps I think we had them on the lawn one year but I put poison down and that took care of them.

I actually thought of saving up all the spam that Thunderbird kicks into the trash and cobbling together a series of free-form avant-garde novels from them using William S. Burroughs' cut n' paste techniques.

The next step would have been to look for an Arts Council grant for them. They seem to hand out cash for any old shoite if you can make it sound plausible enough. It would beat working.
 
#12
I think that's a splendid idea, lets do it, it'll be like the Great Rock and Roll Swindle, only more arty.

You need to look up polyps though. I wasn't kidding. Just call Antrim hospital, they'll tell you all about the things...
 
#13
[quote="big_mad_ejit]I've noticed that there seems to be some correlation with Google searches you've done and legitimate emails you've sent and received - a lot of the same keywords crop up in subsequent spam emails.[/quote]

So I can expect lots of spam about schoolgirls, swarfega and arrse tulips.

I look forward to it.
 

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