Wee, poo, vomit

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by ChickenHeart, Feb 10, 2005.

?
  1. Pissed the bed

    1.6%
  2. Shat meself

    3.3%
  3. Puked all over the place

    34.4%
  4. 2 of the above

    32.8%
  5. GRAND SLAM?

    27.9%

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. This is a NAAFI posting:

    I'm pished atm, and am in a conundrum; I have pished mysen over 100 times but never pooed;

    Can anyone claim the GRAND SLAM??????

    CH
     
  2. Poo, pee and vom = Triple Crown

    Grand Slam is a Triple Crown PLUS spending remainder of the night as the guest of the Provost Sgt.

    Fecking amateurs.
     
  3. I've never had a wee or a poo accident (us girls can control our nether regions!) but in November, to my great shame, I puked in public for the first time ever as a result of alcohol: I projectile vommed in the back of a taxi... :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops:

    I'd had 3 days of serious drinking: 12 hours at a leaving do on Friday afternoon through to the early hours of Saturday morning (Stella & voddy); then a wedding on Saturday afternoon with a reception through to the early hours of Sunday morning (champers, red & white wine & voddy) then I attended a champagne brunch from noon on the Sunday where I joined in the drinking games with a little too much gusto. I felt the need to go home after a couple of hours so navigated my way out of the rather grand hotel without too much drama (the occasional stagger into a wall) & got in a taxi but lost control of my guts 5 minutes from home! :( I was mortified & shoved a load of money at the cabbie when I got out.

    If they knew about this, my parents would be SO proud :roll:
     
  4. it's ok they DO know, i found there email and sent them this link :twisted:
     
  5. had a good one the other night one of my old mates from the reg stayed over and after a serious night on the lash pestering international students in some shitty nightclub staggered home. I dropped him on the sofa where he promptly let loose with such an amount that is saturated his doss bag and the sofa and dripped through onto the carpet. I wasn't to upset but my new housemates were not to happy!!
    did learn that trainer deoderant does wonders at masking the smell though
     
  6. First night in my new and 1st posting out of training was in the glorious 21 SAS short for 21st Signal regiment (Air support) lol. It was my first experience of Herford Pils green (I think). Moving on, short story even shorter, Train Bar + Herford Pils (lots) + toilet in block + sleep = awakening in a mess of vomit, urine and solid human waste (although very watery) :oops:
     
  7. Had a guy in Bosnia do the grand slam on his 21st birthday. We all plied him with "sleep- in - a - ditch", local spirit. He felt like crap for days. :lol: :lol:
     
  8. I can claim a trifecta...W. Berlin, Germany 1987 a night of Stiefel saufen after about 6 or 7 I staggered back to my flat. Passed out and when I awoke I was covered in vomit, p!ss, and a good helping of bum gravey.

    Cleaned myself up and tried the same the next night, but to no avail when I woke that next morning I was still clean :oops: ...guess hitting a Trifecta is a very rare moment in life
     
  9. I did a grand slam in Hohne, the first time I ever drank Guinness and cider together as a poor mans "black velvet".

    It was also the last time!
     
  10. Travelled back on the Esbjerg - Newcastle ferry once and ended up drinking with some Geordie bloke (they used to pile over on cheap booze trips, as they got the fare for next to nothing).

    I woke about 3 in the morning lying on the floor wrapped round the bog :oops: Even worse, some b@stard must have climbed over the locked door and cover me in puke & p1ss :cry: The puke washed off ok, as it was only in my hair & ear :roll: but I had to stumble back to my couchette between 30 or so giggling St Trinnian's brats with almost the whole left side of my body soaking and smelling like an OAP's armchair :oops:
     
  11. I guess cpl had paid an unexpected vist to you C-man :wink:
     
  12. Sounds like ctauch's wedding night. :D
     
  13. And they were just his inbred kids names.
     
  14. I had a rather extended liquid lunch prior to a midweek game at the bridge a few years ago,got into the shed end and proceeded to join in the singing with some added gusto only to think milly seconds later "hang on do farts have lumps?" um no they dont,que cowboy style crab walk to the shitter where smelly calvins were removed and contaminated area cleaned,not wanting to waste a pooey pair of kacks i took them back into the shed and tried to throw them onto the pitch but alas the throw wasnt good enough and they fell well short and must of landed on some poor soul towards the front, so if whoever they landed on happens to be reading this


    ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
    :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
     
  15. I'm stunned by the poll results so far:

    My own story mirrors some of what has been said so far, and I thank you for you honesty.

    I'm currenyly on the piss again, and cannot do any serious thought to this thread. But there's been some good answers.

    Its 0537 here in Germany and I'm still drinking.

    Enjoy!!!!!!!

    CH