I found myself at a wedding the other night, Mrs T49 had been invited. It was a work colleague of hers who I hadnât met, I didnât know anyone else there and to cap it all I was dicked for driving, so it was a couple of pints of shandy for me and thatâs was it. After doing 3 laps of the buffet (and very nice it was too) I got to observing the other guests who were drinking and noting their various types and characteristics. Helping the happy couple to celebrate where:- 15 year old chubby girl : you havenât seen her for a number of years and are surprised by the changes to her, she appears to be a borderline mlaar, and is at least a size 20, although she has opted for a size 16 wedding outfit. This discrepancy in her wardrobe means her underwear outline is clearly visible, and worryingly mesmeric. Complete with âcanklesâ, she spends the evening trotting between the buffet and the dance floor, where she insists on dancing like Britney Spears in her heyday, and appears to have had more than her fair share of the free table wine. Merry divorcee - late-forties, and her two kids are late teenagers. She has kicked out her husband of 20 years and is busy getting her 2nd wind. Her âsqueezeâ for the evening will be from the the gym she joined, and he thought he was onto a good thing banging a MILF-type until he saw her in this environment. She makes saucy gags about âbeing kept up all nightâ and having âbow legs by the time he has finishedâ, and ends the evening crying mascara down her face when her 20-something lover has had enough and dumps her mid-reception Drunk mate from football : or rugby/cricket/whatever activity the groom does. Absolutely bladered, and spends his evening pinballing about the wedding reception, knocking over drinks and putting out a steadying hand in your food. Usually have his tie at half-cock and a number of red wine stains down his rented morning suit. Prone to throwing his arm around whoever is talking to the groom and telling what âa great fukcer this guy is. This guy here. Fukcing sound as a poundâ etc etc. Gets belligerent at around 10pm, and will be involved in some sort of fracas involving a mistaken taxi booking. Creepy uncle. . Wearing his only suit and a novelty tie, this middle-aged balding man has fingers stained with nicotine from the rollies he never puts down. Clutching a pint of mild, he spends the evening moving from table to table, chatting to every single female over the age of 14, and dropping continuous innuendo along the lines of âmy, havenât you grown?â while eyeing up her cleavage .May well finish the evening holding a napkin to his nose to stem the flow of blood, where some girls irate boyfriend has decided to snot him one. All four were at this wedding. have you spotted any others at weddings you've been to?