Wedding Day (Grooms Speech)

Discussion in 'Seniors' started by dance_with_the_devil, Apr 20, 2007.

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  1. Well the day has finally been decided and the Devil has succumbed to the fact he isn't getting any younger and needs a She Devil by his side.

    Calling all ARRSERS to task,
    To help the Devil get some quality speech material together.

    Maybe you have some witty one liners to break the ice,
    or some devilish put downs for the baying crowd.

    Some anecdotes, Risky Jokes and Banterish Repartee to impart and
    make the speech the Dogs B0llocks Etc.

    Cheers in advance

    DWTD.. :evil:
    (Previously Posted in the NAAFI Bar)

    Edited- Posted here to get the views of the Seniors, Dine outs, leaving do's
    Im always Hic'd by the time the speeches are given.. :wink:
    And can never remember who said what.. :roll:
  2. i started mine with "it has been said that a good speech is like a miniskirt. it should be long enough to cover the essentials, but short enough to keep your interest."

    not one person laughed.

    so i deployed the big guns and decided that would be the last "tame" joke in my speech. one of my "jokes" has since gone down in family & friend legend as the most inappropriate and tasteless thing they've ever heard in a supposedly sensible speech :)
  3. B_AND_T

    B_AND_T LE Book Reviewer

    So what was it?
  4. I always start every speech that I am (no longer) asked to do, with the legendary story about the man who woke up one morning and decicided that he, his wife and his dog were going fishing..........................

    I still laugh when I think about it.
  5. whatever you do, don't forget to mention your new bride. I did and my wife has never forgotten...others remember the wit, the humour and the pathos, she remembers not getting a name-check!
  6. And to the new bride, down to the old one being fecked....
  7. i can't tell you in here, it's more suited to the naafi bar :)

    (plus MrsCR is a regular reader and would kill me lol)
  8. How about this one?

    "History repeats itself, they say. As my new brides parents many years ago sent her to bed with a dummy, tonight..."
  9. There is the old classic, of "Ive prepared a short speech" while you pull out the roll of paper which cascades onto the floor!

    Or, from the Father of the bride "I'd like to welcome Jim (the groom) to the family, and if my daughter goes anything like her mother, your in for a great time!" It was one of those, did he really just say that moment!!
  10. Or (visual gag) put my hand on top of the brides and say "that's the last time I'm getting the upper hand in this marriage!"
  11. Suppose its too late to try and convince you that Wedding abroad a better option.

    No worries about whether Auntie X can sit beside Auntie Y without fisticuffs. No speeches to worry about etc..........

    Just a thought
  12. Marriage is a wonderfull institution for those of us who should be institutionalized...
  13. Agree, Tell everybody that they can come (but they pay their own airfares and hotel)and you find out who really likes you!
  14. I asked people to go all the way to Scotland for mine. That shaved off quite a few from the numbers. :D

    Edited to say, before anyone else does, either that or they all thought I was a cnut and just used Scotland as an excuse.
  15. Why Scotland? How far are they coming from? :?