Wasps and Flies

Boris_Johnson

ADC
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DirtyBAT
#44
Can someone explain to me why wasps and flies seem able to squeeze into the house through the smallest of gaps yet once in are totally incapable of flying out open windows and doors?:rolleyes:

Fecking annoying beasts.:mad:




(I wonder if this will survive another of The Duke;'s smiting hammers?!!!)
I'm not the only one who goes nuclear about this, then?

The astronomical odds it takes for a big fuck off blue bottle noisy buzzing annoying shit eating bastard to find that tiny little slit in your window which equates to approximately 0.0000000000000000001% of its available space.

And despite opening every single window and door at this point, is unable to escape.

Same rule applies to pigeons and fucking seagulls. All that field next to my house, the woods, the A14 with a zillion cars on it and the whole of Ipswich in the other direction and chooses to shit on my car.

The bit that really makes me scratch my head right... When I'm at work and my car is no longer like a bull's-eye to the flying rat cunts, how comes I can come home to find not a single splatter where my car used to be, but they manage to shit all over my windows instead? They are vertical for fuck sake!

And unlike most birds which have the good grace to piss off and go to sleep at night, seagulls stay up and continue to squawk at each other all night. Hmm, sounds very much like the Brexit threads on here...
 
#45
how comes I can come home to find not a single splatter where my car used to be, but they manage to shit all over my windows instead? They are vertical for **** sake!
'Toss bombing', or in this case, tossers bombing.

 
Last edited:

ugly

LE
Moderator
#46
And unlike most birds which have the good grace to piss off and go to sleep at night, seagulls stay up and continue to squawk at each other all night. Hmm, sounds very much like the Brexit threads on here...
On summer nights they run around the roofs making you think there are rats up there and for some strange reason the twats are protected.
 

Auld-Yin

ADC
Kit Reviewer
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Reviews Editor
#47
I'm not the only one who goes nuclear about this, then?

The astronomical odds it takes for a big **** off blue bottle noisy buzzing annoying shit eating bastard to find that tiny little slit in your window which equates to approximately 0.0000000000000000001% of its available space.

And despite opening every single window and door at this point, is unable to escape.

Same rule applies to pigeons and ******* seagulls. All that field next to my house, the woods, the A14 with a zillion cars on it and the whole of Ipswich in the other direction and chooses to shit on my car.

The bit that really makes me scratch my head right... When I'm at work and my car is no longer like a bull's-eye to the flying rat cnuts, how comes I can come home to find not a single splatter where my car used to be, but they manage to shit all over my windows instead? They are vertical for **** sake!

And unlike most birds which have the good grace to piss off and go to sleep at night, seagulls stay up and continue to squawk at each other all night. Hmm, sounds very much like the Brexit threads on here...
Arrse versus Nature - might just take off.
 

Auld-Yin

ADC
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Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
#51
On summer nights they run around the roofs making you think there are rats up there and for some strange reason the twats are protected.
Remember, it's only a crime if you are caught!
 
#52
I'm not the only one who goes nuclear about this, then?

The astronomical odds it takes for a big **** off blue bottle noisy buzzing annoying shit eating bastard to find that tiny little slit in your window which equates to approximately 0.0000000000000000001% of its available space.

And despite opening every single window and door at this point, is unable to escape.

Same rule applies to pigeons and ******* seagulls. All that field next to my house, the woods, the A14 with a zillion cars on it and the whole of Ipswich in the other direction and chooses to shit on my car.

The bit that really makes me scratch my head right... When I'm at work and my car is no longer like a bull's-eye to the flying rat cnuts, how comes I can come home to find not a single splatter where my car used to be, but they manage to shit all over my windows instead? They are vertical for **** sake!

And unlike most birds which have the good grace to piss off and go to sleep at night, seagulls stay up and continue to squawk at each other all night. Hmm, sounds very much like the Brexit threads on here...
It's Bugsy's fault (The Oirish one who's family were killed to death twice by the British Army)

He's not shouting at the pigeons in Nottingham at all, he's giving the fuckers orders , like the Luftwaffe circa 1940, they are conducting an campaign of Air superiority in order to make you submit and end your tyrannical use of the Smiting hammer.
 
#53
I'm not the only one who goes nuclear about this, then?

The astronomical odds it takes for a big **** off blue bottle noisy buzzing annoying shit eating bastard to find that tiny little slit in your window which equates to approximately 0.0000000000000000001% of its available space.

And despite opening every single window and door at this point, is unable to escape.

Same rule applies to pigeons and ******* seagulls. All that field next to my house, the woods, the A14 with a zillion cars on it and the whole of Ipswich in the other direction and chooses to shit on my car.

The bit that really makes me scratch my head right... When I'm at work and my car is no longer like a bull's-eye to the flying rat cnuts, how comes I can come home to find not a single splatter where my car used to be, but they manage to shit all over my windows instead? They are vertical for **** sake!

And unlike most birds which have the good grace to piss off and go to sleep at night, seagulls stay up and continue to squawk at each other all night. Hmm, sounds very much like the Brexit threads on here...
Fecking seagulls are a nightmare. There are a fair few Eastern European furreners around me and there was one that decide it would be a great idea to throw bits of bread onto the street. And yes the fecking seagulls where everywhere, crapping on cars and swooping down at anyone and everyone. The other week I was taking the rubbish out and one of neighbours was doing the same, splat. He got it all over his head. Of course I never laughed, much.

And don't mention the fecking wood pigeon that decided it would be a great idea to set up home in trees at back of the property. The fecking never sleeps, hoo, hoo fecking hoo all bastarding night
 
#54
Fecking seagulls are a nightmare. There are a fair few Eastern European furreners around me and there was one that decide it would be a great idea to throw bits of bread onto the street. And yes the fecking seagulls where everywhere, crapping on cars and swooping down at anyone and everyone. The other week I was taking the rubbish out and one of neighbours was doing the same, splat. He got it all over his head. Of course I never laughed, much.

And don't mention the fecking wood pigeon that decided it would be a great idea to set up home in trees at back of the property. The fecking never sleeps, hoo, hoo fecking hoo all bastarding night
177 air rifle is your friend.
Or chuck up bits of bread, then an Alka Seltzer.....
 
#56
Just for a laugh go into a pet shop and say “I’d like to buy a wasp please”. When the assistant says they don’t sell wasps say “well you’ve got one in the window”
 

Auld-Yin

ADC
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
#57
Just for a laugh go into a pet shop and say “I’d like to buy a wasp please”. When the assistant says they don’t sell wasps say “well you’ve got one in the window”
The oldies are the best - sometimes! :D
 
#59
Can someone explain to me why wasps and flies seem able to squeeze into the house through the smallest of gaps yet once in are totally incapable of flying out open windows and doors?:rolleyes:

Fecking annoying beasts.:mad:




(I wonder if this will survive another of The Duke;'s smiting hammers?!!!)

This from the man who lives in the land that invented midges... ;-)


(Am I trigger? I don't care...)
 

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