Wasps and Flies

#21
Can someone explain to me why wasps and flies seem able to squeeze into the house through the smallest of gaps yet once in are totally incapable of flying out open windows and doors?:rolleyes:

Fecking annoying beasts.:mad:




(I wonder if this will survive another of The Duke;'s smiting hammers?!!!)
You have answered your own question mate. They are just really annoying tw@ts
 
#22
HMS Rodney according to Wiki.

QF 2-pounder naval gun - Wikipedia


So, could quite easily be Hood.
Gen dit. An auntie of mine, her one true love (who was her fiance at the time) was lost on the Hood when Bismark got her. She died a spinster, never wanted another bloke after losing him. He was 19 i think. Not surprised she didn't hook up with someone else though, when she took her teeth out she looked like a bulldog chewing a wasp.
 
#23
Gen dit. An auntie of mine, her one true love (who was her fiance at the time) was lost on the Hood when Bismark got her. She died a spinster, never wanted another bloke after losing him. He was 19 i think. Not surprised she didn't hook up with someone else though, when she took her teeth out she looked like a bulldog chewing a wasp.
How could she chew anything, or indeed look like she was chewing anything, when she had taken her teeth out?
 
#24
Gen dit. An auntie of mine, her one true love (who was her fiance at the time) was lost on the Hood when Bismark got her. She died a spinster, never wanted another bloke after losing him. He was 19 i think. Not surprised she didn't hook up with someone else though, when she took her teeth out she looked like a bulldog chewing a wasp.
My Grandmother's fiance (before marrying my grandfather) was lost on the Hood.
 
#26
The world's leading expert on Vespula germanica walks into a record shop.

He asks the assistant “Do you have European Vespidae Acoustics Volume 2? I believe it was released this week and is said to be the best recording of European wasps ever collected!”

“Certainly,” replies the assistant. “Would you like to listen before you buy it?”

"That would be wonderful," says the expert, and puts on a pair of headphones.

He listens for a few moments and says to the assistant, “I'm terribly sorry, but I am the world's leading expert on European wasps and this is not accurate at all. I don't recognise any of those sounds. Are you sure this is the correct recording?”

The assistant checks the turntable, and confirms that it is indeed the correct recording, European Vespidae Acoustics Volume 2. "Let's try the next track," the assistant says, and moves the needle.

Again the expert listens for a moment and then says to the assistant, "No, this just can't be right! I've been an expert in this field for 43 years and I still don't recognise any of these sounds."

The assistant apologises again and lifts the needle to the next track.

The expert throws off the headphones as soon as it starts playing and is fuming with rage.

"This is outrageous false advertising! No specimen of Vespula germanica or any wasp that I know of has ever made a sound like the ones on this record!"

The manager of the shop overhears the commotion and walks over.

"What seems to be the problem, sir?"

"This is an outrage! I'm the world's leading expert on European wasps. Nobody knows more about them than I do. There is simply no way that the sounds on that record were made by European wasps!"

The manager glances down and notices the problem instantly.

"I'm terribly sorry, sir. It appears we've been playing you the bee side."
 
#28
Salt Gun Insect Killer Bug A Buster 3.0

Bit pricey though. I was going to load an air rifle with salt and try that, but never got around to it.
I’ve got one of them. Added a laser and mount for seven quid and it’s deadly at a range of three feet or so, anymore and the spread gets a bit dissipated.

The whole set up cost just under £50 all off eBay ( The Bug-A-Salt is a Chinese clone, identical bar the makers nameplate which is left blank). It’s also good for killing slugs and snails, wasps and beetles can take several shots once incapacitated. It’s great fun and worth the money IMO.

54B3CD48-C919-401F-A4A4-A0027126EC18.jpeg
 
#31
I’ve got one of them. Added a laser and mount for seven quid and it’s deadly at a range of three feet or so, anymore and the spread gets a bit dissipated.

The whole set up cost just under £50 all off eBay ( The Bug-A-Salt is a Chinese clone, identical bar the makers nameplate which is left blank). It’s also good for killing slugs and snails, wasps and beetles can take several shots once incapacitated. It’s great fun and worth the money IMO.

View attachment 403606
Could be fun but I know within 5 minutes of ownership I'd have blinded the missus in one eye with it.
Not that I'd be negligent with a loaded "weapon" but she's such a clumsy, accident prone thing it's unavoidable.

I'll have to stick to he old tried & tested method.
miyagi_chopsticks2.jpg

May take a while, I can barely eat Chow Mein with the things.
 
#35
The world's leading expert on Vespula germanica walks into a record shop.

He asks the assistant “Do you have European Vespidae Acoustics Volume 2? I believe it was released this week and is said to be the best recording of European wasps ever collected!”

“Certainly,” replies the assistant. “Would you like to listen before you buy it?”

"That would be wonderful," says the expert, and puts on a pair of headphones.

He listens for a few moments and says to the assistant, “I'm terribly sorry, but I am the world's leading expert on European wasps and this is not accurate at all. I don't recognise any of those sounds. Are you sure this is the correct recording?”

The assistant checks the turntable, and confirms that it is indeed the correct recording, European Vespidae Acoustics Volume 2. "Let's try the next track," the assistant says, and moves the needle.

Again the expert listens for a moment and then says to the assistant, "No, this just can't be right! I've been an expert in this field for 43 years and I still don't recognise any of these sounds."

The assistant apologises again and lifts the needle to the next track.

The expert throws off the headphones as soon as it starts playing and is fuming with rage.

"This is outrageous false advertising! No specimen of Vespula germanica or any wasp that I know of has ever made a sound like the ones on this record!"

The manager of the shop overhears the commotion and walks over.

"What seems to be the problem, sir?"

"This is an outrage! I'm the world's leading expert on European wasps. Nobody knows more about them than I do. There is simply no way that the sounds on that record were made by European wasps!"

The manager glances down and notices the problem instantly.

"I'm terribly sorry, sir. It appears we've been playing you the bee side."
Just think of how many worthwhile things you could have done in the time it took to type all that.
 

BratMedic

LE
Book Reviewer
#37
He's been a right miserable bastard for months now.

I reckon it's Bad AIDS.
I reckon it's either giving up smoking or boyfriend trouble.
 

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