Warning to Australian Visitors

Discussion in 'The Intelligence Cell' started by Didosdadsdogsdead, Aug 17, 2004.

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  1. Why would Ozzies worry about a few little ants and cockies when they have crocs, snakes, jellyfish, stonefish, sharks and dropbears?.................dropbears?? OK check this out,

    Often mistaken for Australia's mostly cuddly looking marsupial (the koala), the dropbear is perhaps the most dangerous animal on the planet. This nasty creature relies on it's cuddly looking appearance to attack unsuspecting tourists who attempt to hold it or have their photograph taken with it. Many tourists have been lulled into a false sense of security when the dropbear has pretended to be it's more sleepy and cuddly cousin. If it cannot fool it's victim readily, the dropbear will drop down from the trees to attack with it's large retractable claws and wickedly sharp 12 centimeter fangs.


    Have you ever wondered why Australia was one of the last continents to be colonised? It is believed that this is due to the ravages of the dropbears who destroyed the fledgling colonies without a trace. For a long time, there was never any proof that dropbears existed as their attacks were so savage and fast that few people lived to report an attack. With the development of the camera, blurry, out of focus photographs were sometimes managed to be taken by some of the dropbear's victims although it is not uncommon for a dropbear to destroy every belonging during an attack.

    Dropbears have a highly developed sense of smell like that of sharks (some of which can smell a drop of blood in water from over a mile away). It has been learned that just the smell of Eucalyptus sends the dropbear into an uncontrollable rage and since just about every native tree in Australia is a Eucalypt, the dropbear is in a permanent state of rage. Never, ever take a bag of Eucalyptus lozenges with you when trekking through the bush, it only attracts the nearest dropbear.

    You may notice that many Australians spray a repellant on themselves called Aeroguard. There is no documentary evidence to prove that Aeroguard does in fact repel dropbears however there have been no reported attacks on people who have worn the repellant. A beneficial effect of the dropbear repellant is that it repels insects and this is how it is marketed. During summer you may notice that there are many official government warnings disguised as advertisements where the last thing is said is "Don't forget your Aeroguard."

    Think that a dingo really took a baby? Think that one of our prime ministers disappeared while swimming near a beach? Think again, it's only what the Australian authorities want you to believe, the truth being far more terrifying. A rare form of aquatic dropbear is believed responsible for the disappearance of Prime Minister Harold Holt while he was skin diving off a secluded beach. Shark nets have been erected at popular beaches, ostensibly to protect swimmers from sharks but the real reason is to prevent aquatic dropbears from mauling sharks which have become an endangered species since the recent evolution of this creature. It is also to prevent aquatic dropbears from swimming out to boats and somehow managing to make their way to other counstries.

    It is no mere coincidence that Australia is one of the most highly urbanised countries in the world with vast unoccupied land populated with Dropbears. And then there is the 'Dingo' fence which is supposed to stop the movement of the dingo (a wild dog found in Australia). Why is the fence over 6 feet high? It's because we know that it is the maximum height a dropbear can jump from a prone position. The real reason for the fence is to limit the movement of populations of dropbears. It is hoped that by limiting their gene pool that they will become inbred and die out as poisoning, shooting etc haven't worked in the past. Even destroying one of their food sources (the rabbit) via the Calcivirus has not had a significant impact on their numbers.

    The only thing that has managed to protect the rest of the world from the predations of the dropbear has been the relative isolation of Australia. However, in recent years the Australian government has decided to increase tourism to Australia with particular emphasis on our unique wildlife. There is however, one particular form of wildlife that the government does not want to bring attention to and that is the Dropbear. Australians are regularly warned against mentioning the Dropbear in public and in private and it is an especially taboo subject with foreign guests. Special laws have been enacted that prevent people from talking about the Dropbear and there are undercover police whose job it is to find people who are all too willing to talk about Dropbears.
    Don't even bother trying to ask an Australian about the danger of Dropbears. All they will do is look at you strangely or even nod and wink at other Australians and pretend they don't know what you are talking about. Some may exchange knowing looks and you may even find some faces go pale at the mention of that dreaded animal but no one will admit to knowing what you are talking about.

    Don't say I didn't warn you.
     
  2. Anymore posts like this and the CDT chaps won't even bother to test you, just lock you up and throw away the key.
     
  3. Mmmm...is this the distant cousin to the infamous "Soltau" Drop Bear?
     
  4. Crow.
     
  5. Disclaimer: There is no such animal (as far as I know) as the Dropbear it is a joke told by Australians to fool the foreign visitor. I hope you got some amusement from this page.

    So why did Ned Kelly wear body armour??
     
  6. I'm impressed that somewon has gone to the trouble of warning potential visitors to OZ of the dangers of Drop Bears.......nothing about Hoop Snakes though?
     
  7. I used to laugh at supposedly mythical animals, until I was savaged by a Haggis in Fort William. :D
     
  8. bernoulli
    During the haggis mating season ??