Warning! Tapping Independent Traders

Discussion in 'Int Corps' started by Whiskybreath, Jun 4, 2011.

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  1. It has come to my notice that a company trading under the above title has started advertising its services in the Poole area, as follows:

    Dear Shareholders,

    As you know the cornerstone of the company's marketing strategy was the CEO's business card, embossed with the company mission statement "Tapping Independent Traders - we shift your shit!" Unfortunately the Philistines responsible for selling advertising space in the Daily Echo, declined to accept this form of words as an advert in the Man and Van section of business services. We have therefore moved our business to the Rubbish and Skips section, where with no trace of irony, the advert now reads (in bold) "WE DUMP YOUR LOAD". Detractors have tried to tell us that this is a euphemism for defecation, but I have told them they're talking shit.

    Business is expected to pick up shortly.

    www.PooleVanMan.co.uk

    I don't know how I can [recommend] / [warn anyone against] the use of this organisation more urgently, other than to say that they'll scoop up your poo faster than anyone else in the trade. Only brown wipey marks will remain, and they'll smell of roses.

    ...And for a former scooper of the highest class of poo in Londonderry, that's pretty good going.
     
  2. Ow man, that's lekker. Nice to see the ooms getting a look in, ja?
     
  3. Fekken aye :D
     
  4. That has to be the most successful -and fulfilling - career transition yet seen in the Corps. Fine skills. Fine skills, indeed.
     
  5. Simon is an entrepreneur par excellence. His skills in the bs scrubbing and purifying arena are so beyond those of the normal Int Corps ou that I bow, kneel and scrape in deference.

    Folks: if you have need of a service to remove your more foul outpourings, this is the one to use. Shakier Poole residents who spend their time in and under the water: this is the guy making it all safer and nicer for you. Be grateful.
     
  6. Of course, shaky boating enthusiasts are famous for leaving far less obnoxious residues behind them than certain other, more dryshod footpads, assassins and ne'er-do-wells, who tend to leave a distinctly untidy battlefield.

    I have to say, though, this is honestly a brilliant career move. Nice that he's finally found something respectable to do. That just leaves you, now that I've started selling rebadged Malaysian knock-off wirelesses to ignorant Third World dictatorships for a living.
     
  7. Ha Ha Ha Ha. Simon is an old rake...how very bloody true. Transferable skills. Love 'em.
     
  8. Oi! I'm respectable too now! My day and night shifts as a call-centre drone are over!

    This barrier in Nouakchott has never been lifted by a smarter security guard...
     
    • Like Like x 1
  9. Fantastic. Want to buy a wireless, or perhaps a padlock to fit to your office Commodore 64 (that's real cyber security)?
     
  10. Ah So Good to see Doctor Death offering his multi-skills again - last time we spoke he was in the Marriage business - trying to persuade me to buy a Russian Bride ! I believe he'll try anything once or twice !!

    I would suggest he goes national in the Sun or Star
     
  11. A legend with his own lunch-box.
     
  12. ... that's what he was up to here:
    1.jpg

    - he's a cool customer, alright. Note the salvaged boots and leggings. One previous owner, Stalingrad, '43.
     
  13. I even have yellow masking tape in the van
     

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  14. The guy is a star. Next year they'll all be millionaires.
     
  15. But do you have... a chainsaw?