Wanting to join but dont want to do basic training

Discussion in 'The ARRSE Hole' started by britishempire, Aug 15, 2011.

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  1. Hi All,

    So I want to join the Army, though cannot be bothered with 3 months training and long periods of non working time directive hours, having to go to church each sunday, marching, polishing boots, etc etc (if it comes to it I will do it but from previous experience basic training is highly boring). I want to learn how to use a gun and do a tour in Afghan or somewhere.

    I am not especially patriotic about the monarchy, but am about Britain in general. Though I realise that technically I would be fighting for the queen.

    Can I pay to go to Afghan? does the army still take paid commissions?

    I just want some training, so I can maybe take over a small african country later in my life, and have some real combat training in a real place. I dont wanto join the French Legion etc incase anyone suggests that.

    I would prefer just to be able to join up and not bother with the recruitment process which can take a long time.

    Is there any way that if I go to the Training center, is is Dartford? they will let me in and train me for a few weeks and let me go to Afghan?

    I am pretty fit, I used to cycle alot and recently have been walking alot instead of driving. I cant really be bothered with early mornings (before 6 or 7 am) and be training with a load of snotty nosed teenagers.

    I am willing to get fitter but is there any way I can miss out the training ? or just do a month?

    I dont like marching, think its a bit pointless and boring and this is one of the reasons I dropped outof Navy training about 8 years ago, plus the fact that i just got the impression it was under funded, the job would be boring, and the regime was a bit soft, not much of a challenge, just filled with pointless monotony, polish boots, iron, was, go to church, iron, eat, learn, tie a knot.

    Before anyone starts I know that everything has a reason, and the army needs discipline and order, and I am maybe a bit undisciplined and dont like being ordered about, though in a war situation I would toe the line.

    What are my options? I am 30 now some someone will probably say too old, though I figure nowadays 30 is quite young.

    I dont want to be an engineer or anything like that, just do some fighting.

    If I pay will the army let me do a tour with them?

    Cant be bothered to go down the army careers office and deal with all their bull,

    Let me know....

    B.E
     
  2. hahahahahahahahaha
     
  3. So, if you dont want to do basic training, you have to pay the army 100 quid. For that they will let you off doing basic. For a further 50 quid, they will promote you to Major, and for an additional tenner you will have a batman bring you tea and toast every morning.
     
  4. Send me your bank details I,ve got good connections, we could use people just like you
     
    • Like Like x 1
  5. dont wanna do basic then fuck off! the Army doesnt need people like you!
     
  6. Why not join the RAF I am sure you will go far with that attitude. There you will find lots of others with a similar outlook on life but you will have to pretend to be real chav and probably accept a commission. I assume you live to close where the rioting was?
     
  7. Can I suggest you join the EDL?

    Minimal training (if any), uniform costs amount to nothing much more than a tatty white vest or an England football shirt (with gut hanging out), and you get to deploy on Ops across South East London (Ops consisting of getting half-cut, sitting on benches and attacking the odd bus, before being eventually being moved on by the Police).

    Not sure what their pay scales are, but I'm sure that the job satisfaction is reward enough.


    Good luck!
     
  8. Wow... you actually bit.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  9. Is this a WAH?
     
  10. This is either the most amazing trolling I've ever seen on ARRSE. Or the most painful waste of space britain's ever shat out.

    That or this man needs an express ticket to the RAF Officer Selection.
     
  11. True dat. And for a fiver a pop the RSM will tuck you into bed with a nice mug of cocoa and gently kiss you goodnight, you piss-poor attempt at a wind-up.
     
  12. I smell flame bait
     
  13. Is asking if this is a wah, a wah?
     
    • Like Like x 1
  14. No.

    (tenfuckingletters)
     
  15. Yes, the branch of service you require is called the Post office. They will post you to any place you choose. Just ensure you wrap yourself in brown paper and tie yourself in some string. I would imagine a payment of £10:00 should cover third class any destination.