Wanking technique

[wannabe_civvy]

A real opportunity to be creative like all good squaddies can be!!
What's your favourite technique for polishing the meat barpump? I always think that a bit of baby oil and using your wrong hand is a winner!!

 

[ScaleyAlbereto]

Baby Oil & any of the wifes hands do it for me

 

[AndyMcflab]

I like to wear a nappy, 'cause I like the feeling of something warm and moist squelching away between my buttocks whilst I'm running around. The lubrication keeps chafing down to a minimum.

 

[Outstanding]

Your wife has great hands!

 

[buggrit]

A mate of mine swore blind that sticking an orange in your gob and then pulling a stocking over your head to get the asphixiation thing going on, made for an amazing w@nk. Never got around to trying.

 

[Giblets]

I'm a simple man with simple pleasures. W@nk furiously with either/both hands until a: I shout and holler whilst throwing my 'stuff' all over the walls or b: I shout and holler because the outer layer of skin has come off me piece and it's bleeding.

 

[Deleted 20555]

Join the 21st century

http://www.fleshlightuk.com/

 

[schweik]

Baby Oil & any of the wifes hands do it for me

Any of? How many has she got?

 

[pomps]

Join the 21st century

http://www.fleshlightuk.com/

dude... issues... you have issues!

 

[Outstanding]

[quote dude... issues... you have issues![/quote]

No Tissues, Tissues

 

[Barclays_Banker]

Tuck your old fella back between thighs and move hips back and forth. Hey presto, a no-hands barclays.

 

[RFUK]

www.jackinworld.com

 

[Geordie_Blerk]

Try using your son's or if really desperate, your daughter's mouth.

 

[whit_RE]

I find the mix of blood/saliva/shite/jizz that you end up with after a good ATM session provides the right mix of lubrication/traction for throwing one of the wrist...

These properties also make it particularly good for skiffing...

 

[Taz_786]

I cant do it standing up, no matter how hard I try.

Whats the solution?

 

[bigbird67]

lie down???

 

[Hartley_Hare]

A mate of mine swore blind that sticking an orange in your gob and then pulling a stocking over your head to get the asphixiation thing going on, made for an amazing w@nk. Never got around to trying.

LOL youre mate wasnt the MP that was found suffocated with an orange stuffed in his mouth from a few years back was it?

 

[Giblets]

I tried wearing my missus fishnets, bra and high heels, with painted nails and lipstick, whilst using a dildo up me arrse, leaning over the bannister whilst looking down at a jazz mag of gimps getting up the wrong-un.

Got frisky as hell, wanking furiously. The dog got a bit excited too, jumped up and nutted the dildo past the point of no return.

I passed out, fell down he stairs, crackd me head open and got carted into hospital.

Sitting down, I still get the odd flashback, not to mention wibbling ringer.




Actually, this didn't happen; but I am now going to have to go for a cold shower. . . or a wank!

 

[DozyBint]

Join the 21st century

http://www.fleshlightuk.com/

...is available in a wide variety of sensations, colours and orifices.

A wide variety of olfactory sensations can be achieved by visiting your local fishmonger...

 

[adonwar]

Take two pillows and stick your old boy between them while applying adequate pressure and sh@g the pillows hey presto and you dont need to clean up any mess.

Failing that lift up the toilet seat and lay your fella on the porcelain put the seat down and lay a decent w@nk mag on top fcuk the seat and all mess goes directly into the pan.

Never tried either....