Wanking injury

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Mighty_doh_nut, May 15, 2007.

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  1. This afternoon I found my mind wandering and accidentally ended up naked cradling my erect tool......

    I'd already beaten it earlier in the day so it took a bit longer to get to vinegars before sending a fine jet of milky paste skywards. After mopping up I got dressed, licked the bit off the back of my hand and carried on about my business.

    After finishing work I sat on my bed and started to get undressed, top off, t shirt, trollies left sock, right sock then pain like having pins jammed up your toenails by japs shot through me..... with my sock came away a handfull of leg hair, matted from a dribble of gravy I'd missed when mopping up my mess.

    I'm sat here, with a beg red blotch and my legs look like Lilly Savages I've lost that much hair off them....

    Immac, it must be made of spunk, that fcuking knackered.

    Anyone else got cars from thrapping?
  2. Only last weekend I went down the local BMW showroom, stripped off and started beating my meat frantically in front of all the paying customers - the manager gave me a 320i to get rid of me. Does that count?
  3. makes sense, as the average BMW driver is a wnaker. allegedly.
  4. Sorry to hear about your injury.

    Have you ever tried doing this Minister doh nut? do a shoulder stand so that your penis is pointed in the direction of your face, then w4nk off while standing on your shoulders and give yourself a facial.
  5. A "friend" of mine claims that after a wench massaged his prostate with a large red candle, his Harry Monk adopted a lovely pink tinge. Not quite an injury, but does involve wanking.
  6. [/b]
    Knew a lad who used to do that in Germany about 15 years ago. It actually crossed my mind that he may have homosexual tendencies as, whenever he got drunk he used to talk a lot about another of the lads' penises.

    The guy is now married with children, so either I'm wrong about his tendencies, or he's bottled it all up and will end up getting caught bumming someone in a public toilet...

    Like a REME Sgt some years ago at 14 Sigs in Haverfordwest. The LAD had had a piss up in town, done the obligatory 18 holer and, when pissed, this guy had been arrested in the public toilet by the multi-storey car park in the middle of town and charged with public indecency - notably, he got busted sucking some bloke off.

    His claim that it was a mix up and some kind of gross misunderstanding, and that he simply went in for a piss when he was leathered was sufficient for him not to get bounced. Thing is, do pubs not have toilets, he and the rest of the lads were frequenting pubs, so why did he venture 400m away from the rest of his party to go for a slash - other than the fact he wanted to suck some bloke off?

    It was his wife I felt sorry for. But it did give us carte blanche to take the piss out fo the LAD.

    Fundamentally jizzing on your own face, other than some kind of unfortunate deflection, is not my idea of a good day out.
  7. too much of this sort of thing sends you blind.
  8. Not my injury, but I did kick the crap out of some tart for not tossing me off.
  9. I see you manage to use the Computer Braille desk well, "Legion_n_aire"]
  10. No, but it's a great night in!

    My only serious w@nking injury happened the last time I stroked Little Bat_Crab before going to the gym. Despite my best clean up efforts a small quantity of harry had nestled in my perineum and cemented together a large part of my anal beard.

    The end result, after my first stride on the treadmill, still makes me weep when I think about it.
  11. Biped

    Biped LE Book Reviewer

    I went through a phase of energetic and regular fistycuffing after a period of very hard labour. The resultant callouses rubbed 'The Man' raw and I had to put plasters all over him. Problem was, when he shrank, the plasters didn't and I got further 'rip' injuries.

    I had to do my thing with vaseline for a month afterwards.
  12. Laser surgery - lesson learnt.
  13. I know of a guy who used to hide his grot collection up in the attic. Every night he would think of a sudden pressing reason to explain to the missus why he needed to go up to the attic for 10 minutes, where he would lovingly arrange his grum into a wankorium and then go at it like an epileptic trombonist. The problem was that all the little glass fibres from the loft insulation became embedded in the membranes under his dome, causing them to swell up like a little penile goiter. He had the very devil of a time trying to persuade the wife that he hadn't caught a cross mutation of Saigon Rose and kn*b elephantisis. :D
  14. I knew a bird who when noshing a bloke off got the man gule in her eye which got infected causing her to wear an eye patch
  15. Cutaway

    Cutaway LE Reviewer

    Has nobody ever explained to you what 'wanking' means ?