Walts you have met whilst working the door

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by POGscribbler, Aug 15, 2009.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Walts you have met whilst working the door

    I met a guy once in a pub who was in the SBS and got bored with the lack of real action, so jumped ship and joined the US Navy Seals, had to do selection all over again, got disappointed with "not getting stuck in" and left to do a Sociology degree at Staffordshire University?? He kept banging on about it when I was working the door.

    It seems that when you work the door of nightclubs and pubs/casinos you attract a certain type of walter mitty any thoughts folks??

    I also spent a day rattling a tin for the British Legion at my local Sainsbury's and was approached by a scruffy security guard who had "successfully" completed 3 weeks at Pirbright and had been offered a contract in Iraq with his very own MP3



  2. Unlike the Doormen who come out with "I've done a bit of bodyguarding.....just doing this to fill a gap like...I'm waiting for my mate Jim Shortt to get me a contract in sandy places." 8O
    And don't get me started on tin rattlers with their medals and war stories, I (Quite happily) lost an hour or two last pre ANZAC day week having my ear yapped off by a trio of WWII, Korean War and Vietnam War vets spinning dits. (They spotted my UK vets badge.) I had to lie to the boss and claim an attack of IBS for my lateness back from lunch!! Happy days. :twisted:
  3. Ah doormen, bless them. Some of the waltiest blokes I've ever met have been doormen or security guards - great blokes - don't get me wrong - but can't half tell a story or two.

    I was assisted once in detaining a suspect after a footchase, yes for those that know me I did run and catch him myself. That's where it went wrong. Being a (then) skinny short-arrse rolling around on the floor with this 5'10 giant I was extemely grateful when this huge bald fella came and helped me get my cuffs on him.

    After the cavalry had arrived and it had all calmed down, I went to get the bloke's details. He told me his occupation was "same as you". "Ah, where are you based mate, I'll get you booked on duty" I said. He told me "I can't say, you know how it is". I thought this was a bit odd, and pushed a bit more. Eventually it turned out he was a bouncer from a central London nightclub but "knew" alot of the coppers from Charing Cross. :x

    Not quite doormen, but why is it that everytime you deal with a shoplifter the security staff insist on telling you how many times they've applied for various police forces and how they haven't decided which offer to accept yet :?

    To balance this story, I would like to add that drunk coppers trying to blag their way into your clubs and pubs on the warrant cards "looking for someone" "on a job" or plain "discount for police mate?" must be a right pain in the arrse - I have been that man, sorry!
  4. Have you ever used your warrant card to shake down whores for freebies? :D
  5. No, never (my mum reads Arrse)!
  6. Never been a doorman, but did work as a security guard after I retired from BT. One of the blokes working at the firm was ex RN, he said he was a submariner in charge of looking for leaks.

    The best story he ever told me, was when the submarine was cruising under water, the captain spotted a volcano erupting, so they surfaced, rescued the civ population, put the volcano out, and continued their cruise.

    I am quite proud of the fact that I managed to keep a straight face, and, didn't call him a cnut.
  7. Working in the security industry (along with my chum Static-Line-Pimp), the amount of lardy ex Para/Marine/SAS blokes we run into is astounding. Obviously, they are only guarding the door at Boots etc until a certain CP contract comes along. Thinking about it, i'm pretty sure the majority of them left the forces after punching their OC.
  8. The best story he ever told me, was when the submarine was cruising under water, the captain spotted a volcano erupting, so they surfaced, rescued the civ population, put the volcano out, and continued their cruise.

    His name wasn't Uncle Albert was it? (only fools and horses)... :D :D
  9. No, it was Bill Stansfield.
  10. Sitting in terminal 3 Heathrow, waiting to fly back to Capetown to go back from there on the Mv England, The amount of new starters that told us they were ex-Para,SBS,SAS,Boy scouts and that working in the Falklands was a piece of urine, only to be seen in the bar, 2 weeks later still only half way across the South Atlantic crying like a baby with home sickness, and then trying to top themselves when they saw what a dump MPA is
  11. Navy Walts. :roll:

    At one unit I served at, we had two navy personnel who had been on HMS Sheffield when it went down. One who actually had been on it and said nothing and the other who would spin yarns of such enormous length but would keep the crew rom enthralled and became almost a legend in his (and everybody else's ) own Naafi break.

    The irony was, we all knew he'd never been to sea. :lol:
  12. I didn't think it was a dump. Mind you, i was p1ssed for 5 months.
  13. We had not finished building the place it was still a construction site
  14. I'm a member of an RNA club in London and there are some real characters there. One chap was on a ship that went bang in the Falklands (can't remember if it was the Antelope or the Arrow, something like that) and he never says a word about it. He told me about a Security Guard he met once who claimed he was on the Sheffield. What a surprise, the bloke was telling porkies so the real Navy type tore him a new one.
  15. Sounds like HMS Antelope from what I've just read. An unexploded bomb exploded while being diffused.

    I suppose if you're going to walt it, you have to walt big. The poor Sheffield must have been as crowded as a certain Iranian Embassy balcony.