Since reading that councils have now started paying for prossies for any sexually frustrated mongs they have on the books (Councils pay for prostitutes for the disabled - Telegraph), I've decided to 'come out' as a window licker. I've been practising sitting in my own shit all day on the sofa, wanking over tampon ads, and the drooling's coming on nicely. Still can't get the mlaaring right though. When I get to all the 'a's it sounds Liverpudlian. I don't mind walting as a mong if it gets me a free pass in Amsterdam once a month, but I'm fucked if I'm going to risk being mistaken for a scouser.