Walting as a mong - tips?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Pigshyt_Freeman, Aug 15, 2010.

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  1. Since reading that councils have now started paying for prossies for any sexually frustrated mongs they have on the books (Councils pay for prostitutes for the disabled - Telegraph), I've decided to 'come out' as a window licker. I've been practising sitting in my own shit all day on the sofa, wanking over tampon ads, and the drooling's coming on nicely.

    Still can't get the mlaaring right though. When I get to all the 'a's it sounds Liverpudlian. I don't mind walting as a mong if it gets me a free pass in Amsterdam once a month, but I'm fucked if I'm going to risk being mistaken for a scouser.
     
  2. Does my extreme ugliness count as a disability?
     
  3. Lifelong supporter of Grimsby Town FC must count as retardation?
     
  4. Admittedly, it might cause them to book you a male prostitute, but you have to take great risks to get great reward.
     
  5. Just show them your posts on here. You'll be getting free French lessons in no time. ^~
     
  6. zip your jacket up really tight, give everyone the thousand yard stare, breath very loudly, hang your tounge out your mouth and cry around officials.

    when asked why just tell them your a virgin.

    worked for me ;)
     
  7. Put your underpants over your head and stick a pencil up both nostrils, then keep saying Wibble.


    It's an old trick from the Sudan. ^~
     
  8. clearly its been well practisced by someone
     
  9. Indeed it has.
     

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  10. i drive a bus full of window lickers.........does that count??
     
  11. As long as it's not the blind driving the blind they can't touch you for it.
     
  12. I was once called a 'F*cktard' not so many moons ago...... does that count for a Freebie from a nice Lady in Canal Strasse in Amsterdam at the Council's expense...?

    I pays me Council Tax as well....... and find it difficult to move around me flat......
     
  13. You need to do a double act with Whet. Once the assessor catches sight of such a pathetic pairing, you'll be showered in fuck vouchers.

    ...............and, on the upside, he'll nod off so often that you'll get double bubble.

    Win-win, I think.
     
  14. i have a guide dog.............he`s a bit deaf,i told him to sit the other day...............the smell was disgusting ;)