Walt etiquette

Discussion in 'The Intelligence Cell' started by MrPVRd, Apr 30, 2006.

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  1. I was at a work dinner recently (leave pass signed by wife and daughter) and, after much red wine, I found myself talking to two colleagues.

    One of them was considering joining the TA (and would do quite well IMHO) and the other claimed to have served 18 months with a Parachute Regiment TA battalion. I had my suspicions though:

    He claimed to have been working towards the "Red Beret";
    He couldn't name any barracks or training areas;
    The only weapon he was familiar with was the cadet rifle;
    He never had an Service number;
    He was never paid for any of his weekends or drill nights.

    So, what to do? Accuse him directly and risk workplace friction, or accept his walt stories?

    During a toilet break by the self-confessed weekend parachutist, I briefed those listening to his conversation that I doubted his veracity. Upon his return I went into a lengthy description of the misdeeds and ridicule of "Captain Sir" Alan McIlthingy (can't remember his gongs).

    Is there anything else I could have done?
  2. It could have been worse he could have claimed to have been the real deal and claimed operational experience. If he doesn't take the hint you could accuse him outright otherwise I would let it drop
  3. The guy is a fuc*ing walt, just leave him to his own meaningless life, unless he starts giving it the big 'un, Captain Sir Alan McIlroy style, then shoot him down in a swathe of flames!
  4. was it McIlroy or McIlwraith, I cant remember???
  5. Does this clown know what a 'Walt' is? If not, then there's many things you could do: name plate on his desk/door, doctored letterheads, Walt-ish screensavers on his desktop etc. He should put up or shut up - or apologise to all concerned for being a fcuking dreamer. Either that or invite him out on the piss with 4PARA - his old mates.
  6. That brings back memories. The good old boys of 49 Para, fifty of us jumping out of a Gazelle at 75 feet. We were stationed at Oberammergurgl in Germany. The barracks was a former SS headquarters, there were still bodies in the cellars and we ruled the town. Isandhlwana Barracks was close to a girl's school and we shagged everything in sight, even the caretaker and the headmistress at the same time.

    My regimental number was 4, it would have been 3 but my mate Clubber beat me to it. The laughs we had on the range firing the Hepppler and Kopp fully automatic sniper rifles the army used. Our bright red berets on our heads, we knew that one day, we would tell some stories. How we won the first Gulf War even though we were still in Oberammergurgl, the Iraqis just crapped themselves and surrendered. They know real men when they see them or even just hear about them.

    Every now and then we get a chance to relive our memories. Paintball can be a real tactical challenge but it really hurts when you get hit. But real men like 49 Para don't care about paint even though it leaves a nasty stain. I'd just like to apologise to all lesser mortals who just wouldn't have handled 49 Para. We could pish it up all night, complete the 160 mile run in full kit and still have time for a sports afternoon and then in the evening, shag all the local females into orgasmic submission.

    Coming soon, the 49 Para Reunion (weather permitting), tickets from the secretary:

    St John Walter (Corporal Retired)
    Walter House
  7. Sounds entirely plausible to me...

    (Lt col Walt of the Walts, Royal Norfolk Mountaineers)
  8. Coming soon, the 49 Para Reunion (weather permitting), tickets from the secretary:

    Sounds like a great event. Can I have a ticket please. As for the Walt who started this conversation, put him against the crapper wall and shoot him
  9. Unfortunately tickets for the forthcoming 49 Para reunion are very scarce, I would suggest eBay but they are changing hands for very large sums of money. It seems that 49 Para has generated interest within other Regiments and Corps and I particularly would like to thank the SAS for all the help they have provided us with. We did train them so it's only fair that they should attend. Particularly welcome are those who took part in the storming of the Iraqi Embassy in 1980. The back room of the Squirrel and Truncheon has been booked and weather permitting a service of remembrance will be held outside. In the event of inclement weather army 14x14 tents have been booked. We would welcome any dogs or wives but they must be kept on a lead at all times.

    With the reunion approaching, we can look back to last years reunion, a triumph of 49 Para planning. It was held in the O'Callaghan's Irish Bar in Kilburn and it was nice to see the locals passing the plate around afterwards. We all of course contributed to their no doubt worthy cause. I was amazed how many blazer badges were on show and a plethora of regimental ties complemented the blazer badges. The reunion was opened by Wing Commander Danny Kaye of the RAF SAS who welcomed all and then asked for seven and a half minutes silence for fallen comrades. We managed to pick up the fallen comrades and found that somebody had been lacing the guinness with vodka which explained them lying prostrate on the floor.

    Our guest speaker preferred not to be named but gave us a spellbinding description of his times in Iraq. He had been part of the Bravo Two Zero story and had just wanted to put his side. They had been dropped off way behind enemy lines, a C-130 had hovered over the desert meaning no parachute drop.He had always wanted to be in the SBS, which is why he had joined the army at the earliest opportunity. He had been captured and tortured, even having his dentures broken by some evil Iraqi intelligence officer. But rank, name and number was all he gave them and for that he had been awarded the George Cross. He had meant to bring it with him but his house had been broken into and it had been stolen. He did have a good photocopy of the medal though which was passed round for all to see. A thoroughly interesting speech and in the fine tradition of 49 Para.

    The evening progressed and like all soldiers, the topic of discussion switched to stage musicals and after a lengthy debate, The Sound of Music was voted as 49 Para's favourite. Talk went on about winter training in Denmark, way above the attic circle, problems with bears in Canada and how to kill them with your bear hands, is air conditioning in Landrovers strictly tactical, the new Soldier Soldier DVD boxset, warnings about going on ARRSE and finally, how to impress your colleagues at the office.

    The evening concluded with Bert Higgins VC playing the regimental march (The Ride of the Val Kilmers) on his mouth organ and everybody congratulated each other on a thoroughly good evening. Somebody toasted the Queen but the fire was soon put out and the landlord assured me, the picture could be repaired though they only actually used it as a dart board. Of course that won't happen at the next reunion as all cigarettes will have to be non smoking.

    St John Walter (Corporal Retired)
    Walter House
  10. Mistersoft, are you president?
  11. No, Bush is president.
  12. Jeez, Mistersoft, 1175 posts since Feb 15th! (over 17 a day) - You really need to get out more...
  13. What and get off my ARRSE

    No chance.
  14. He does spin a damned good yarn though.
  15. Yarn? Are you suggesting it's not true? 8O

    Best wishes