W*nking Injuries

Sorry if this has appeared before, but an earlier thread about smoking and blindness caused me to think about wanking and injuries. I have indeed spaffed in my own eye whilst choking the chicken resulting in a red eye that even photoshop could not remove. That is the closest I have come to doing myself harm whilst in the act of pleasuring myself.

Lets hear the wanking dits of fellow ARRSE members, snapped bajo strings the lot or maybe injured pride after being caught by Granny and Grandad mid vinegar stroke! :D
You're going to knock one out to the replies aren't you?
1) Snapped Banjo
2) Cat walked into my line of fire on the old jesters shoes and got the money shot (Poor Ted!)
3) Ex girlfriends chest used as a skid pan and she ended up with the red eye, couldnt get her tissue for laughing :)
well i have snapped me banjo string years ago, but it came back to haunt me last year. I had to have a number of operations to fix it. in the end i was curcumsised. and i'll tell you lads its a killer :x
I also got caught once when i was a young sapper in kenya. i was in me tent and my troop staffy came in and caught me right in the middle of me vinegar strokes :oops:
Urban mythabout a bloke who collapsed on patrol in Fermanagh. When he was questioned about whether he had eaten anything etc, so the Medic could diagnose the problem and it turned out that the bloke had had eleven w@nks that day so far and his body couldn't go on.

Oh, and the guy filmed on NITAT. But I'm dubius about that one.
Whilst enjoying a bit of self love i got cramp in my calf on the vinaager stroke that lead to a muscle pull, having to explain to the wife how i did it still leads to much laughter in the bedroom
Just a ragged foreskin from general wear and tear.
Anyone know the Para in the supersanger in Woodbourne, who when watching a young lady disrobe in the Lenadoon flats through his binos ,let his todger come into contact with the waist level heater 8O
Nearly got caught doing the 5 finger shuffle while in MPA.I was sick in bed on my own in a 4 man room & I thought the door was locked......
Hang on a minute, since when is w*nking a disciplinary offence. Like to see the AGAI that comes under.
It should come under PT or MATTS PT as it is a form of exercise.
:D :D Just checked with my RSM and WnnKnng is not an AGAI offence well as long as you us baby oil on him. :wink: :wink:
My brother was ironing some trousers naked and burnt his nob on the iron. His girlfriend walking in to see him and he had his chap in a pint glass filled with ice and water. He wasn't impressed when his girlfriend told me!
Following advice given here recently ... had a mong making hangover t'other day. Gave myself a head ache and cramp. Had to spend the rest of the day lieing in a dark room as I knew I was going to reply Mlllllaaaaarrrrr!!!!!! to any questions ;-)
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