Army Rumour Service

Register a free account today to become a member! Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site by adding your own topics and posts, as well as connect with other members through your own private inbox!

Vulgar female behaviour

The_Snail

ADC
RIP
Thanks for that Snaily. Isn't he the one who was afraid to join up because his sexual preferences would have made him the target of bullies?
I'm not reading through his posts again. I still feel nauseous from looking at them earlier.
 

The three Mick chicks reminded me of this Woolyback lass, getting out of her depth on an all-dayer in Liverpool. I have seen other clips of her dancing about in the street, sticking her chin out, and goading the bouncer to take a pop.



Here she is, ruefully voicing over a clip of her being an arsehole. Claims she must have had her drink spiked.

You can tell immediately she is not a Scouse lass. No Scouse bird would go out dressed in something as long as that. Probably wearing grannie panties, too. No tattoos, no piercings, either. Defo a Woolyback.
 
The xmas before last, a friend of a friend brought his new Portuguese bird to a friends house party

She was so oversexed, he literally went off and hid wanting a rest

At one point in the evening I remember my missus being tired, and asked me for a foot massage. I was drunk and really couldn't be bothered, so this bird volunteers

Next thing I know she'd whipped her top and bra off and put one of my missus feet between her tits and started making loud groaning noises

Then tried to put said foot between her legs, which my missus discovered said bint wasn't even wearing knickers declined anymore

Not long after she just walked out of the front gate, hoisted her short dress up and just pissed in the street, which wouldn't be so bad but there were two loos and plenty of sinks in the house the weirdo

At this point in the evening there were still families with children present, so you can imagine these activities were rather frowned upon....especially for a quiet xmas party in a sleepy village

She really wasn't a classy bird
Did you nail her though?!:smile:
 
Did you nail her though?!:smile:

No, I'm too old for that, I get enough action at home

When I was younger and would shag anything female and breathing of course I would
 
At a mess dinner, I tried to pish into an empty wine bottle. I was sweating at the time with the strain of trying to hold it in for so long, but couldn't, so grabbed a bottle.

Opposite me was a female AGC warrant officer called Steph P; a fit lass; a heptathalete I think. She was like 'No, Wab, no, don't, don't...", but I did and the piss just went everywhere; I didn't care; I really really needed to go.

Shortly after we were let off the table she looked down and saw her mess dress was a darker shade of blue where I'd urinated. She wasn't happy, I got a bollocking and agreed to pay the cleaning bill.

Later, at the bar, I was talking and from the corner of my eye I saw her approach, and without looking at her, to those gathered I said in a loud Geordie voice "Can you smell piss?"

The dirty minger stank of it.
 

Cutaway

LE
Kit Reviewer
Say no more...
Yeah, realise that for more than thirty years no-one has produced a telly without a remote.
 

Cutaway

LE
Kit Reviewer
The only thing I wouldn't do was "go down on her", I couldn't bring myself to get a mouthful of blood, despite her requests.
You bring shame upon the NRP.
 

Cutaway

LE
Kit Reviewer
The xmas before last, a friend of a friend brought his new Portuguese bird to a friends house party

She was so oversexed, he literally went off and hid wanting a rest

At one point in the evening I remember my missus being tired, and asked me for a foot massage. I was drunk and really couldn't be bothered, so this bird volunteers

Next thing I know she'd whipped her top and bra off and put one of my missus feet between her tits and started making loud groaning noises

Then tried to put said foot between her legs, which my missus discovered said bint wasn't even wearing knickers declined anymore

Not long after she just walked out of the front gate, hoisted her short dress up and just pissed in the street, which wouldn't be so bad but there were two loos and plenty of sinks in the house the weirdo

At this point in the evening there were still families with children present, so you can imagine these activities were rather frowned upon....especially for a quiet xmas party in a sleepy village

She really wasn't a classy bird

Sounds familiar, I have an oppo who lives with a Pork namorada from Jo'burg, and that's probably what keeps him so skraal.

From where was this not really classy one, Portugal, Brazil, Angola, 'Bique or Cabo Verde ?
Doesn't matter, she'll have the same form.
Regardless of how slim, petite or skraal they start from the top down, as soon as the waist ends... :eek:

And this counts for every skin colour, at a certain stage in their life the hips of all meisies with Pork in their dna get vokken HUGE.

We're thinking of using them as tanker fenders.
 

schwarzie

Old-Salt
my ex girlfriend would sneak off to use the communal toliets early morning before I woke up at the campsite we were staying in the lake district. We had a caravan with a toilet in it, but she never used it as far as I can tell,so sparing me the spectacle of her shitting the place up . I remember after the holiday wondering when she ever went to the toilet,. Now that is what I call class and ladylike behaviour.

Apparently her sister had told her,I was the best boyfriend she had ever had,which might explain the sneaking off early doors to take a shit. Sadly it all ended badly when I discovered her snogging her {male sadly} cousin at a wedding reception. who was also a medical student and a cunt of the highest order ,who had spent the brief time I talked to him, being snobbish about my line of work. So on discovering this I thumped him one on the dancefloor, got thrown out the hotel,thrown into some shrubbery by her dad and his mates. I went home told my mum and when she phoned, my mother told her her family were a bunch of fucking inbreds and not to call this house again.Love you mum.
 

wheel

LE
my ex girlfriend would sneak off to use the communal toliets early morning before I woke up at the campsite we were staying in the lake district. We had a caravan with a toilet in it, but she never used it as far as I can tell,so sparing me the spectacle of her shitting the place up . I remember after the holiday wondering when she ever went to the toilet,. Now that is what I call class and ladylike behaviour.

Apparently her sister had told her,I was the best boyfriend she had ever had,which might explain the sneaking off early doors to take a shit. Sadly it all ended badly when I discovered her snogging her {male sadly} cousin at a wedding reception. who was also a medical student and a **** of the highest order ,who had spent the brief time I talked to him, being snobbish about my line of work. So on discovering this I thumped him one on the dancefloor, got thrown out the hotel,thrown into some shrubbery by her dad and his mates. I went home told my mum and when she phoned, my mother told her her family were a bunch of ******* inbreds and not to call this house again.Love you mum.
Ahhh mummys little soldier
 
my ex girlfriend would sneak off to use the communal toliets early morning before I woke up at the campsite we were staying in the lake district. We had a caravan with a toilet in it, but she never used it as far as I can tell,so sparing me the spectacle of her shitting the place up . I remember after the holiday wondering when she ever went to the toilet,. Now that is what I call class and ladylike behaviour.

Apparently her sister had told her,I was the best boyfriend she had ever had,which might explain the sneaking off early doors to take a shit. Sadly it all ended badly when I discovered her snogging her {male sadly} cousin at a wedding reception. who was also a medical student and a **** of the highest order ,who had spent the brief time I talked to him, being snobbish about my line of work. So on discovering this I thumped him one on the dancefloor, got thrown out the hotel,thrown into some shrubbery by her dad and his mates. I went home told my mum and when she phoned, my mother told her her family were a bunch of ******* inbreds and not to call this house again.Love you mum.

This Shrubbery, did it have a nice multi level effect ?
 

The_Snail

ADC
RIP
my ex girlfriend would sneak off to use the communal toliets early morning before I woke up at the campsite we were staying in the lake district. We had a caravan with a toilet in it, but she never used it as far as I can tell,so sparing me the spectacle of her shitting the place up . I remember after the holiday wondering when she ever went to the toilet,. Now that is what I call class and ladylike behaviour.

Apparently her sister had told her,I was the best boyfriend she had ever had,which might explain the sneaking off early doors to take a shit. Sadly it all ended badly when I discovered her snogging her {male sadly} cousin at a wedding reception. who was also a medical student and a **** of the highest order ,who had spent the brief time I talked to him, being snobbish about my line of work. So on discovering this I thumped him one on the dancefloor, got thrown out the hotel,thrown into some shrubbery by her dad and his mates. I went home told my mum and when she phoned, my mother told her her family were a bunch of ******* inbreds and not to call this house again.Love you mum.
Is that the point when your brain broke and you decided to love gym bunnies instead?
 
My favourite police story of all time was from one of our trainers, who completed his 30 years a few months back. he told us of the wedding where he and a few colleagues attended and took in the Bride, Groom and Bride's mum. He said "It involved the Groom, the chief bridesmaid, a broom cupboard and something called a "BJ". The tale was corroborated by another old sweat who was present on the occasion.
 

Joker62

ADC
Book Reviewer
Top