Viz like top tips.

CharleyBourne

Old-Salt
Paedophiles

When up before the beak for fiddling with 12 year olds, the following plea of mitigation is a sure fire way to get a reduced sentence or even probation:

"But your Honour. I thought he/she was at least 14".

G. Glitter
 
Steve Wright.

On the rare occasion I am actually "listening" to your show (because 'er indoors has it on) and on the even rarer occasion you play something I actually like (pre-2000, guitars, bass, drums, intelligent non-repetitive lyrics - you get the picture) then it would enhance the listening experience if you could do the following:

Talk over the first twenty seconds of the song, the last twenty seconds and if you're feeling energetic a bit in the middle. You singing along with it is always a bonus for me as well, so if it's not too much trouble............

Cnut.

Whispering Bob Harris and Johnnie Walker
Is that annoying throbber still about?
Him and his loudmouth posse did my head in back in the 90s.
Not a shade on Simon Bates' golden hour.
Or Our Tune, which had us all in fits as the most inappropriate appropriate songs were suggested.
 
Steve Wright.

On the rare occasion I am actually "listening" to your show (because 'er indoors has it on) and on the even rarer occasion you play something I actually like (pre-2000, guitars, bass, drums, intelligent non-repetitive lyrics - you get the picture) then it would enhance the listening experience if you could do the following:

Talk over the first twenty seconds of the song, the last twenty seconds and if you're feeling energetic a bit in the middle. You singing along with it is always a bonus for me as well, so if it's not too much trouble............

Cnut.

Whispering Bob Harris and Johnnie Walker
Not a fan then?
 

W21A

LE
Book Reviewer
Keep any unusually shaped empty wine bottles and remove the labels. Pour in the plonk from the box and serve at your dinner parties. Your friends will all think you are getting wine straight from the vineyard.
 
Keep any unusually shaped empty wine bottles and remove the labels. Pour in the plonk from the box and serve at your dinner parties. Your friends will all think you are getting wine straight from the vineyard.
Not viz at all, but Gordon Ramsay... Put cheap white plonk in the sodastream, and punt the 'champagne' at£5 a glass
 
Ladies! Reduce waste by making better use of your discarded brassières. With some slight modifications, they can be used as handy COVID masks for Siamese twins in a poor country.

Ena B. Bustier
 
Ladies! Reduce waste by making better use of your discarded brassières. With some slight modifications, they can be used as handy COVID masks for Siamese twins in a poor country.

Ena B. Bustier
Small breasted ladies! Don't bother sending yours as we're not midgets.

Nida Deekup
Siam
 

Yokel

LE
Men with small penises: Worried about your sense of insecurity? Feel that your masculinity and superior needs to be displayed? Then why not invest in a large engined German car, and drive it whilst imaging that you are driving a tank during Blitzkreig?

Dick Small
Management
 

NSP

LE
Men with small penises: Worried about your sense of insecurity? Feel that your masculinity and superior needs to be displayed? Then why not invest in a large engined German car, and drive it whilst imaging that you are driving a tank during Blitzkreig?

Dick Small
Management
 
6880CBE2-3AD6-4C14-9FB2-EE6E1163DECB.jpeg
 
FASHION DESIGNERS: Do not worry about clothes moving around and changing words like 'count' into something less appropriate.

U Count
Any Town

Yes - I saw this in a local store belonging to a well known national chain this morning.

View attachment 577321
One of my ex’s had a thing for the character ‘Animal’ from the muppets, so when I happened upon a pair of boxer shorts in Next with him on it I bought her a pair - she looked rather fetching in them too.

On the waist band it had the logo ‘A bit of an animal’ repeated. Where the seam was at the back it read ‘a bit of an_al’. And she was rather fond of that too…
 
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