Viz like top tips.

[Civvy Scum]

God botherers, get a life.

 

[Electromagnetic]

God botherers, get a life.

Some more lives than others. Allegedly...

 

[morsk]

God botherers, get a life.

'Atheists' get a proper bag on and press the dumb button when someone points out that you are being child like in your assertions. Mind you, thats civvies for you.

 

[Mrsheeny]

Tip - A ladder turned upside down can also be used for climbing down things.

 

[stacker1]

Residents of Hanoi, build wide pavements, not to walk on, but so you can park the worlds supply of scooters plus tables and chairs for everyone that sells fast food, which seems to be every other fucking shop.
Hanoi scooters drivers don't bother saving for your pension, the way you fuckers drive you wont live to see your middle age.
Immigration officials in the Hanoi Airport make sure the cash machine is fucked and refuse credit cards at your counter when paying the 50 US dollars for the visa, that way you can do the foreigners a "favour" by accepting Thai baht at a 30% mark up.

 

[beefer]

 

[bobthebuilder]

Mothers - Children bugging you for ice cream every time Mr Whippy comes around playing his poxy music? Tell them he only plays his tune when he has run out of ice cream.

Mine were told it was the bells on a mobile church.

 

[Tedsson]

Tip - A ladder turned upside down can also be used for climbing down things.

You are bringing a nicely surreal (but strangely grounded in reality) touch to the thread.

Keep going.

 

[Rodney2q]

Politicians - worried that you do not have the respect the electorate?

Then stop behaving like cnuts.

 

[Tedsson]

Some more lives than others. Allegedly...

Isn’t that cats?

 

[Mrsheeny]

ANGLERS: Attach a helium balloon to your line and bait the hook with an acorn. Then sit under a tree and "fish" for squirrels.

 

[Mrsheeny]

HOUSEWIVES: Before attempting to remove stubborn stains from a garment, circle the soiled area with a permanent pen so that when you remove it from the washing machine you can check the stain has gone.

 

[Mrsheeny]

Viz Readers Letter - I heard on the news the January storms had cost the country 1 billion pounds. What an utter waste of money. If anything, they did more harm than good.

 

[Awol]

When taking your dog for a walk, take your hamster cage too, so the little fella can also enjoy the exercise.

 

[Archibald_gruffnut]

For you everyday sado-masochists:
When nailing your scrotom to the kitchen for sexual gratification, first make sure a pair of pliers are within hands reach and not in the shed at the bottom of the garden in a tool box.

The Archbishop of Canterbury
Hull.

 

[bob_the_bomb]

Residents of Hanoi, build wide pavements, not to walk on, but so you can park the worlds supply of scooters plus tables and chairs for everyone that sells fast food, which seems to be every other ******* shop.
Hanoi scooters drivers don't bother saving for your pension, the way you ******* drive you wont live to see your middle age.
Immigration officials in the Hanoi Airport make sure the cash machine is fucked and refuse credit cards at your counter when paying the 50 US dollars for the visa, that way you can do the foreigners a "favour" by accepting Thai baht at a 30% mark up.

It gets worse mate

 

[Techtechtech]

I have recently found that a homemade badge simply saying "I do apologise, I have Tourette's" entitles me to call people c*nts and w*nkers with impunity on my rail bound morning commute. An additional benefit is being able to shout 'You'd get it' at random females (who would indeed get it) this now earns me a wry and indulgent smile, rather than the slapped face that I have been become accustomed to up to now.

A second top tip, is not to wear this fake badge when traveling with your wife, the face slaps tend to return.

 

[moderator]

I have recently found that a homemade badge simply saying "I do apologise, I have Tourette's" entitles me to call people c*nts and w*nkers with impunity on my rail bound morning commute. An additional benefit is being able to shout 'You'd get it' at random females (who would indeed get it) this now earns me a wry and indulgent smile, rather than the slapped face that I have been become accustomed to up to now.

A second top tip, is not to wear this fake badge when traveling with your wife, the face slaps tend to return.

 

[beefer]

During these cold winter days, why not push a piece of peeled ginger up your arrse for that “central heating” feeling*








*might also improve your performance in your local half-marathon.