Visits from Big wigs.

Discussion in 'REME' started by norteenick, May 24, 2007.

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  1. Just had a visit from our uber leutenant von E.S. as usual we had to clean the world and lose many hours of production scrubbing the shop floor. What a treat. 8O Just wondering if anyone had any comical stories about comical clean ups or visits and any brain fart questions a visitor has asked....... :?
  2. we had somebody really important visit us once. cant remember who he was but he had a really important raf rankslide, i remember trying to count the bars but gave up after a while.

    anyway he asked every single one of us what our names were.... despite us all wearing nametags. que lots of comical "check to see if nametag is still sewn on" looks and wondering if he had us on the biggest wah ever.
  3. We had a 1* tip up when I was in the LAD at Basrah Palace. The morning leading up to his arrival was the usual panic which included sweeping sand in a nigh on tornado. Suffice to say that it wasn't very sucessfull.

    Then to top it off, as the duty stab I bore the brunt of his pointless questions including the one which all stabs are asked when confronted with a regular officer: "why didn't you joint the Regulars then young man?".
  4. And your answer was?
  5. I remeber on Op Granby having to do a litter sweep of the desert before a visit..wouldnt have minded much however our location was right on top of the towns old rubbish dump and just covered in sand so we could use it.
  6. When HM came to formally open Scabby Wood back in July 96, the place was still very much a building site. The big moat that goes around some of the perimeter was still a feshly-dug hole, with bare earth banks. Obviously HM would have been offended by the sight of common dirt, so, the day before the visit, cue a team of numpties all busy spraying it green! I kid you not.
  7. Heard about the Artillery in North Yorkshire, who tasked a Chinook to come and blow the rest of the leaves off the the trees as they didn't want to sweep up twice.
    May belong in Urban Legends, but knowing how **** the RA are its probably true
  8. When Gen de la Billiere visited Buller Barracks in the autumn of 89 we spent hours sweeping up the leaves only to have the RSM decide that it didn't look natural and behold the sight of 300 soldiers throwing leaves everywhere.

    Some idiot also decided that some areas of tarmac were not black enough, so out came the paint.

    Sadly the most pointless piece of bullshite I ever saw was not even for a visit. The CO and RSM of 22RA decided on the Regiment's tour of Cyprus in 99 that the most important part of the tour was making sure that every stone was painted either white or 'Gunner' (red & blue with a gold stripe in the centre). Allied to this was the demand that the Officers' Mess and every troop location have a garden of jungle proportions and you had a chain of command that almost made certain that the regiment would get the chop for being shite.

    Only good bit of the tour was a Dutch Sgt Linda ** ********. Effing beautiful she was :). Only good bit on ever serving with 22RA? Hearing that the regiment was being disbanded.
  9. I Remember the Black Death painting the grass green in Tern Hill for the Queen Mum's visit in 92. Mind you, it seems to have worked as they they were faves for the chop at the time, but weren't amalgamated for another 13 years. (A long wait, but a worthwhile one for any attached arms from Tern Hill! On 1BW's departure to Hong Kong the offer was made to all attached personnel to go with the Bn. A grand total of none took them up on their offer. And no, Shropshire's not that great, the unit was that sh*t. Boo Skoo in the Ferty Twaa? Wan hang.)

    Remember area cleaning St Georges Lines in Kuwait 91 the day after the yanks had blown it up, as the CO was coming up from Al Jubail, until the OC realised what a cnut he was looking like, with his guys wombling forward of the spam bomb disposal engrs. Happy days!
  10. Can't beat the story of Bliar visiting the troops on TELIC 2. At the end of his morale boosting speech he asked if anyone had any questions. Small lad sticks up his hand and says "Excuse me sir, are you the Prime Minister?"

    Bliar stutters "Well ah actually..." but before he has time to finish the lad retorts with a mahoosive "WAAAHHHHHH".

  11. I would pay good money to have a copy of that!
  12. never went as far as painting anything before a visit just plenty of cleaning and cleaning but when the late mo mowlam visited our lines we were told to be on our best behaviour and not ask any rude or sensitive questions. one of our boys was specifically told to sit down and keep quiet and not try to chat her up as he would try to jump anything.
  13. A certain Anglian Brigadier, later MG, visited our TAC. He had a reputation for pulling open closed doors to seek out unmilitary behaviour etc. He pulled open the cleaners cupboard and received several mops, a broom and a bucket of stagnant water amidships! Oh dear, how sad. You would think he had learned his lesson but a couple of weeks later he visited us in the field and ripped open the flap on the out of action command post penthouse. to find Bdr Ray ****** choking his chicken, whilst still monitoring the net and keeping a pretty good signal log.

    Strangely enough these two incidents cured him of inspectionitis...

    Some years later a Captain in a certain PARA bty was signing off. He chose to mark his last camp by replying to the visiting GOC's questions in random order:-

    GOC: What's your name?

    Capt J.: 15 years sir

    GOC: how long have you been in?

    Capt. J.: Insurance broker sir.

    and so on...but best still was his technique the following day (having been warned not to repeat this stroke) when he answered every question from the DRA with the word "windmill". You had to be there and there were some 25 or so officers there to bear witness!
  14. Whilst in Aldergrove on a 4 month tour the squaaak CSM decided to have all the bollards outside the hangar painted dark and light blue-AAC colours. Our tiffy decided it would be a jollly good idea to paint the 2 in the center (the ones you walked through) REME colours-done in the middle of the night. Went down like the belgrano.

    Also at Wattisham and the name changed from air mobile to 16 air assalut and a visit by Charles, the guar and other son, as well as a gaggle of staff officers. Big piss up afterwards, far too much beer and wine. On the way back to the patch, beret asqew, bottles of wine in map pockets and carrying another 2. A conseqence of was that i didnt have a free hand to salute when the M15 leading, range rovers full of royals passed by with their windows down. Managed to nod my head and do a runner before i was recognised.

  15. When I was a young Cfn back in 1989 in Osnabruck a very smart looking oldish bloke walked into my LAD onto the shop floor. He walked over to the vehicle me and another Cfn were working on so i asked him politely who he was and he responded with Im Brigadier............, Im taking over as the new Brigade commander next week so just having a look around the camps and chatting to soldiers about the area. After about four or five minutes of chatting my Cpl nipped out and we mentioned who we were talking to, he retreated quickly into the office. Three minutes later we saw the RSM and CO come charging round the corner into the LAD looking quite flustered hearing me say YEEEEE BROADWAYS and SUBWAYS are great on the piss. Trying to discretely barge his way into the conversation the CO piped up with, we can have a drink in the officers mess Sir and Ill let you know about the town. The Brigadier turned round and replied Dont Worry D........ and M........... are letting me know about the local habits Ill be round on official buissness next week. The CO and RSM just stood in the background like naughty school kids as we chatted for a further ten minutes about going into Hengelo and Enchede and a recent trip to Bavaria.
    After we left we were grilled for about ten minutes by the RSM on our conduct with senior officers and not to chat about our drinking culture and sex with prostitutes. Two weeks later we were on the shop floor for the official visit and his first question was ARE YOU GOING TO BROADWAYS ON FRIDAY D.........? I just smiled and said MY LIPS ARE SEALED SIR, noticing the stern look of the RSM :roll: :wink: