Very Sick

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Cuddles, Mar 20, 2008.

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  1. On Tuesday night I found myself slightly drunk and in a hotel in West Wales. In the bar of said hotel it ought to go without saying. Also in the bar was a mlaarer but one of the least affected, we are talking fractions of a chromosone, it could have gone either way.

    She was sitting alone in the bar, toying with several glasses of white wine. Suddenly I saw a bright light and was seized with the spirit of arrse...when I recovered my senses I found I was sitting opposite her and had apparently purchased a glass of wine. They were out of ice cream and balloons.

    To protect the innocent we'll call her Tracy, 18 from Liverpool. After all no body would expect me to use the true details! She was of a very fat disposition, had a blonde bob and at least three visible tiny "feminine" tattoos - of dolphins, ladybirds and teddy bears. She was very sad because her boyfriend had brought her with him to Aberystwuth, had then sloped off with his chums and basically abandoned her.

    Her man friend had only recently taken up with her and was an electrician running a small company. She was his clerk. He had the previous evening deflowered her. She was devestated to be left in this state, not least because she drunkenly confessed she had in fact very much enjoyed the sex and couldn't wait for another go.

    Well what would you have done? How many tattoos were there on the rest of her body? Are you an ex-Sigs powerman running your own business in the Pool? Are you a)ashamed of yourself yet and b)ever so nasty?

  2. Sir hang your head in shame, the details of tattoos were not only offensive and repulsive but you counted them, however if you had told us she had a clacker tighter than a jews wallet (or dustbin) or even initiated her into the members club brown/red wings you would have been a worthy man :D
  3. I think your right, strangely I am intrigued if not potentially aroused at the potential or lack of sexual detail he has omitted (without bring back any painful unwanted memories)
  4. Come on cuddles spill the beans old chap!
  5. A gentleman never takes advantage of someone with learning difficulties who is drunk and tells! I was amazed by the number of tattoos. Electrician's clerks in Liverpool seem to be well paid. Plus there is obviously a fairly low intellectual bar on pun intended.
  6. Liverpudlian, near virgin and tatooed? These words do not belong in the same book, let alone the same sentence. 8O

    You sure it wasn't an ex para with a "distinguished military history"? It's getting hard to tell nowadays, so I hear.

    Still, if someone leaves their food and then walks away from the table, what right have they to complain when someone else licks their plate clean for them? (I'm talking metaphorically, of course). And I think it was mighty charitable for you to help this stranger out and thus offset the misery of a lonely and otherwise cold night in that most delightful of places, Aberyswith.

    I trust you discharged yourself honourably and copiously. Lucky bleeder.
  7. Not the scouse Downes girl I meant...

  8. As long as it had a pulse, breathed without the aid of a machine, had one leg more than Heather Mills and was more authentically feminine that Ian ("call me Jan") Hamilton, then it qualifies IMHO
  9. Was his highness, the right royal Ming, anywhere to be seen?
  10. can we skip the fore play and get down to the main course (please cuddles) :)
  11. Biped

    Biped LE Book Reviewer

    Come on - you stuck it to her didn't you!?!
  12. Cuddles you say she was Scouse moneyed and slapperish,hmm you did'nt happen to notice how many legs she was sporting by anychance?
  13. I think Mr Cuddles has had an encounter with Kerry Katona, she of the iceland adverts and some flash in the pan pop music notoriety.

    Shame on you cuddles, a man of your age! :D