Very first attempt at self abuse

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by terdal, Jun 5, 2009.

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  1. .[align=justify]Can you remember your first w@nk and why you did it. I was about 12. I know, I know a late starter if I am to believe all the arrsers who post here. Most of them seem to have started while still in the womb but not I. Anyway, there I was 12 year old at at the local swimming baths swimming around and generally have a good time just messing about jumping from the top board and all that sort of thing when things starts to get quiet because of people leaving until there's just a couple of us left and I spot this young lass about same age as me and after a couple of smiles and a bit of showing of on my part and a bit of giggling on her part she gets carted of by her parents never to be seen again. I go back to my cubicle to dry off and get dressed and I start to wonder what it would be like to do IT with her. No idea what IT was of course (no sexual tuition in those days) but from stories heard at school I know you had to stick your thingy in her hole and move it up and down. So I makes my fist into a sort of hole shape where my thing in fitted and began to move it up and down and it felt good. 30 seconds later I got the shock of my life when a load of funny stuff shot out of end of my dick and I really thought I had done myself some terrible mischief. Soon got over the shock and have been practising ever since.
    Don't be shy lads and lasses share you memories with us.

    PS I know I'm in for a bit of flack here but who cares.
  2. Well reading THAT certainly put a smile back on my face after such a crap day lol.
  4. Aiiways glad to be of service :D
  5. maguire

    maguire LE Book Reviewer

    so... you've been a w*nker since the age of 12 then?? :wink:
  6. msr

    msr LE

    I am glad you learnt your lesson early in life. Birds generally want as little as possible to do with computers.

  7. Guilty as charged SIR!!!!
  8. Auld-Yin

    Auld-Yin LE Reviewer Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    Moi aussi. And proud if it.
  9. maguire

    maguire LE Book Reviewer

    # I'm a w*nker.... I'm a w*nker.... and it does me good like it bloody well should.... #
  10. Not bad Terdal. I have no idea when i had my first emission. Things got a bit hazy for me after the age of 13. I was in the local choir and when i would stay behind to assist the Verger in clearing up, he would give me a cup of Orange juice, which always made me sleepy. I think it made me p1ss myself as well as i would wake up with a wet patch in my underwear and a sore hampton.
  11. I've vague memories of trying to cock joust week old copies of the daily sport, when i finally discovered the required hand position i spent every spare moment in my bedroom perfecting my new hobby, a few years later came dial up internet and a whole new world of filth and self discovery albeit at excruicatingly slow speeds!

    Thank f*ck for broadband
  12. BrunoNoMedals

    BrunoNoMedals LE Reviewer

    I think I was 11, and all I remember is thinking "f*cking hell, that hurt!"

    Then I realised that the contractions and resulting mess were actually quite pleasant, so I had another go the next night. Haven't looked back since.
  13. What IS this wanking thing of which you speak ?

    Ejects twouser snake from underkeks

    wack, wack, wackity wack,
    thrap, thrap, thrap,
    pull, pull, pull,
    wack, wack, wackity wack,
    thrap, thrap, thrap,
    pull, pull, pull,
    Gnnnnnnnnnggggggggggggg.......................Huuuuuuuuugh, Huggggngh, Oooooooooo :)
    flops up and down the bed like a dying fish

  14. Must have been something in the water where I grew first attempt at "self abuse" was at age 5......first actual sex at age 8 (seduced by a 12 year old girl).....
    At age 17 my family was living in a trailer park.... I heard my father coming down the hall and quickly covered up..... When he entered my room he had a sad look on his face. He said, "Son, I really do not mind you playing with yourself but would you wait until I go to work. I am getting sea sick on the other end of this trailer"