Vent your spleen!!

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by commzmeanzbombz, Jul 27, 2009.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Gents,
    I am aware of the anger caused amongst many of you over the past few weeks with the LBGT thing. I am also aware of how much we as arrsers need to have someone to oppress therefore i am giving you the opportunity to abuse, insult and generally attack another minority group..........

    [align=center]"The Fat Blokes!"[/align]

    I am a serving soldier and officialy a porker! I even failed a BFT/BPFA once!

    I have had a look and there doesn't seem to be support groups who will defend a fatty in court or the papers so I reckon this a safe bet.

    Im not the fattest bloke in the Army or even my department but I am volunteering to be the British Army's official Fat representative and I know a MOD who will vouch for my porkiness in case any one accuses me of been a "fat" walt.

    The Naafi rules state "1. Do not attack people because of their race, ethnicity, religion, gender or sexuality." It doesn't say weight!

    So, here are a few rules.......

    No rude words

    No links to fat porn web sites

    Dont abuse homosexshual fat people

    If you are also porky dont abuse or the fat walt police will be on to you

    Other than that crack on, abuse to your hearts content!

    Im just going to sit here eating a pack of hob nobs and see where this goes!
  2. You fat cnut.
  3. Just you wait until the Frey Bentos Rifles read this. You're dead.
  4. Lets get pissed and have some Lard sandwiches
  5. They will be starting a Sumo battalion next
  6. Hob nobs? They even have a light variety, now if u'd said "while i eat a tin of condensed milk before washing it down with the contents of my deep fat fryer" i might have believed you. Are we talking cuddly fat or haven't seen my genitalia for so long i might well have changed gender fat?
  7. What are you going to do about it anyway?

    Run after me?

  8. Blurry 'ell matey you dont leave many openings do you, you different shaped porker.
  9. Auld-Yin

    Auld-Yin LE Reviewer Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    If you are as you say and have got away with it for so long then there is only one conclusion we can come to:

    You are gayer than a gay bride at a gay wedding and the CoC are scared to take any action against you.
  10. Nothing wrong with fat blokes, we’ve got on down our local– he’s known as the “Fat Bloke Down the Pub”. It’s where we get our knock offs and ‘ooky MOT’s and stuff, couldn’t do without him.

    He is a fat tw@ though.
  11. Just cuddly fat, I feel like a bit of a fat walt now! Will probably have my heart attack at about 45 to 50 ish if that helps?
  12. So you're Scottish too!
  13. I can cope with the fat insults but calling me Scottish!!!!!!!
    Thats unforgivable!
    I am Yorkshire through and through!
  14. Fat people smell, take up far too much room in public places, place an excessive strain on the hard-pressed NHS and wear out pavements far too quickly despite how seldom the lazy bastards actually walk anywhere. These symptoms are recognisable and easily quantifiable - in my mind they deserve to be recognised as a legitimate syndrome in their own right.

    Is there such a thing as 'passive fatness'?

    P.S. the only reason I don't advocate replacing Fig.11s with fat folk on APWTs is because I want there to be an element of skill involved in hitting the target. Blazing away at an immobile humanihippo is hardly adequate practice for hitting a fleeing stick-like Taliban IMO even if said blimp were to have a Shopmobility panzer.

  15. How many Yorkshiremen does it take to change a light bulb?
    Four. One to change it, one to hold his racing pigeon, one to hold his greyhound, and one to drink his pint of bitter.

    A couple are playing 'I spy' in the kitchen of their home somewhere in Yorkshire.
    'I spy with my little eye something beginning with T' said the husband.
    "Tea pot said the wife." 'Nay Lass!'
    "Tea towel." 'Nay Lass!'
    "Toaster." 'Nay Lass!' he said, drumming his fingers on the work top.
    "Oh I don't know" she said at long last "I give in"
    'It's easy' he said. 'It's t'oven!'