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Values and Standards - Actually practicing it

#1
Hello

Ok every year for the last lot of years I have sat through the wonderful video that exhorts us all not to get drunk, not to take drugs, not to nick our mates kit, not to shag someone elses wife etc.

great - but what are you supposed to do if you find out that your mate's wife is being shagged by an officer in another unit? (hypothetically of course). Now lets assume (for arguments sake) he (the mate) doesn't know. Lets also imagine that the mate is a SNCO and is likely to go ballistic if (when) he finds out.

Lets also assume that I also have an IQ higher than 10 and realise that its technically none of my business.

Options
1. Tell the mate and watch as his world collapses and the situation explodes (after making sure any weapons are securely in the armoury)

2. Go see the mates wife and watch as she deny's all knowledge, contacts her boyfriend and I end up in colchester, but not before the situation explodes

3. Go see the officer involved and watch as he complains to my OC and I watch my career wave bye bye, and then watch from afar as the situation explodes

4 Say damn all to anyone - significant risk that the situation still explodes

Where does the service test fit in here? They tell us all about how social misbehaviour is a major problem, but where is the "dealing with" mechanism?

Any suggestions anyone?
 
#2
You could blackmail her for years.

Or,

You could send it up the CoC so that someone of an equivalent rank could have a word with this officer. If you tell your mate about your suspicions then he could get rid of his missus and stop living a lie.
 
#3
What would Jesus do?

In all seriousness I have no idea, maybe an anonymous e-mail to the officer she's banging on the side letting him know that other people know what he's doing?

Saves your head, puts the shits up him to call it off? Then you still have the Issue that she did it to your mucker In the first place - either way he has a right to know I guess.
 
#4
Speak to your CoC, explain that you (hypothetically) know what's going on and ask for some guidance in the (hypothetical) matter.

Moral courage. End of.
 
#5
We've had questions like this arise before. If I remember correctly, my advice was a series of choices, but I wouldn't have commited to either of them myself if I were in that position.

Your best bet is to spread it as a rumour and hope it gets around to him. Yes, he'll explode, yes, he'll probably end up hitting the officer in question and/or the bloke who tells him, and as a result yes he'll probably be getting charged/bust, but surely that's better than living his life in love with a woman who's taking a length from some other fella (rank not important) every other week without him knowing?

As for the service test question, it's a tough one. I'd say loyalty to a friend is a greater objective to be met than the army's needs.
 
#8
You could harrass the Officer who's doing the dirty, write "I KNOW" on his car, in his office, on his front lawn etc.

A couple of months of that and he'll be driven insane and take out the mess webley anyway.
 
#9
devilish said:
Speak to your CoC, explain that you (hypothetically) know what's going on and ask for some guidance in the (hypothetical) matter.

Moral courage. End of.
I'm in agreement, speak to your own CoC. If your own CoC fails to have the moral courage to deal with this then, go straight to the Adjt or CO.
 
#10
Whiskey_60 said:
You could harrass the Officer who's doing the dirty, write "I KNOW" on his car, in his office, on his front lawn etc.

A couple of months of that and he'll be driven insane and take out the mess webley anyway.
LOL love it.......

Tend to agree with previous posts - my main concern here is for the (hypothetical) mate.

If it were drugs or drink or bullying - theres a helpline. This is every bit as damaging for an individual and unit, but there is no obvious help. Was thinking of a quiet chat with the Padre.....
 
#11
WhiteHorse said:
devilish said:
Speak to your CoC, explain that you (hypothetically) know what's going on and ask for some guidance in the (hypothetical) matter.

Moral courage. End of.
I'm in agreement, speak to your own CoC. If your own CoC fails to have the moral courage to deal with this then, go straight to the Adjt or CO.
But make sure you have sufficient proof. In this (hypothetical) situation you haven't said how you discovered the alleged facts.

msr
 
#12
If your dead certain it is going on, the only question you have to ask yourself is how much of a mate you are.Pad shagging is nothing knew at it will come out,what do you say to your mate when he hears it from elsewhere?
 
#14
Tell her you know and blackmail her for sexual favours?

Probably won't work, but nor will the dreaded Values and Standards video you've seen...

But basically,.....sod HER and sod the OFFICER....he's your mate so if your a real friend you'll tell him about his lady's wrongdoings, TA career or not....your mates your wingman, and you'd expect the same off him. Your mate would rather have a good mate than a lying, cheating wife I am sure.....
 
#16
StabTiffy2B said:
She's obvioiusly a slut (aren't all women), so I'd start banging her too.

Hypothetically of course :wink:
I agree. If (hypothetically) he (the SNCO) is (hypothetically) a mate (hypothetically) he'll (hypothetically) see (hypothetically) the (hypothetically) funny (hypothetically) side (hypothetically).

Of course you could do the proper thing and tell the bloke. If he really is a mate (as in he's a close friend and he trusts and respects you and all that other homoerotic shiite) then you should take him aside an explain you concerns.

As an aside, how many TA SNCOs are remembering all those fond glances his missus was giving the CO at the christmas ball? Did she laugh at all his jokes?
 
#17
Name the units I just need to know how long I've got before I'm caught out :D

Very simple point out your concerns to your CSM (Unless he's the SNCO) or even ask to talk to your OC about it, let the chain of command approach the said officer and they will point out the errors of he's ways.

With regards to your friendship you need to decide how much of a mate is he, in the long run its probably better just to drop the bomb shell on him now than to let him find out from other sources.

Hypothetical of course
 
#18
Passing it on to your CoC is, in theory, the soundest plan, but its worth carrying out an assessment as to how intelligent and tactful your Padre/Adj/OC/CSM actually is, I spoke to my CoC about an issue once and they promptly hauled everyone involved into their office and opened with "303SMLE told me....." :roll: Before I knew it a large angry man was chasing me around the desert and the CSM was offering to adopt me to make sure I wasn't killed.
 
#20
Re values and standards, as long as the relationship isnt adulterous, is a relationship within a unit considered to be a ok as far as the army is concerned? Doesnt that theoretically mean that an officer could have a relationship with a private or NCO? Ive seen the values and standards video, its just that there seems to be a bit of a grey area if the realtionship isnt adulterous.
 

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