Valentines days, bollocks more like?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by LordVonHarley, Feb 10, 2011.

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  1. It is that time of year again when Hallmark and the other greetings card corporate pricks tell us we have to buy one of their shitty cards, a bunch of over priced roses or some jewellery for our loved ones. If we don't then we don't "love" them. We are made to feel bad that we might be single on this "special day" when we get to tell the person we love them.
    The amount of valentines day tat in the shops is unbelievable, teddies and dolls made by child labour in the east with sickening messages of love. "I Heart You" or "Be my snuggle bum" or "Help! Gary Glitter as come to the factory looking for a wife, please send help! lots of love Ting Tong. "

    Why don't they do some thing useful like a valentines day hammer or lock knife?

    It's all bollocks really. The only good bit is the mass of women who try and drown their sorrows and will sleep with anyone on that night just to fill the emptiness of being single on that special day. Load of bollocks.
     
  2. Auld-Yin

    Auld-Yin LE Reviewer Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    Ode to The Wife

    Roses and red
    Violets are blue
    Your sister fucks
    Much better than you!
     
  3. That card and shit present probably won't even get you a nosh either.
     
  4. Isn't that the one your wife sent you just before she fucked off?
     
  5. rampant

    rampant LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    Don't forget that March the 14th is officially "Steak & Blowjob Night": Steak and BJ Day

    Remember to remind your other half!!
     
  6. I might have to use that one next time I fancy a domestic milling competition
     
  7. After 3 years of marriage during which faithfully I honoured St Valentine's (ie card, flowers, etc), my wife pointed out, "I don't know why you bother - after all, I know who sent them." So I said, "Fuck it", and never bothered since. Having said that, we have just celebrated our 39th wedding anniversary. The success of our marriage is demonstrated in that we still sometimes speak to each other. And I've saved a fortune by not buying any of the crap which is deemed necessary these days to observe the tradition.
     
  8. TheIronDuke

    TheIronDuke LE Book Reviewer

    You know I've always loved you honey
    Despite what they say, it wasnt the money
    Your shining soul cried out to me
    Now go and make my fucking tea

    God. I'm good.
     
  9. A young lad at work seems to be following in all your footsteps. He told me yesterday his girlfriend had said "oh I've bought all your valentines presents...."

    Errrmmmm...yeeeeeeeehhhh me too!! :-D

    He told me that he'd told her not to bother and to save the money for a night out together, but she went ahead with it. He told her that if she did buy something then it had to be just a fiver limit, as a token gesture. Seemed sorted to me.

    Then he said that Asda are doing a 7p Valentines card which says "my love for you is priceless". He's buying 71 cards with his fiver and roping his mates in to write them all before dumping them in front of her with the classy words...."there ya go, open them".
     
  10. That my friend, is a perfect marriage and should be a pattern for all of us. I have managed forty-seven years and never noticed "Valentine's Day", and rarely a birthday. She has a lovely ironing table she can sit at and a smoothing iron with its own water reservoir (so she does not have to refill it every few minutes). What more can a girl wish for - I even moved the TV so she can watch it as she works.
    I often get up to switch the kettle on when it's time for her to make the afternoon brew - she really appreciates that.
     
  11. See, now here's the thing, my birthday is 2 days before Valentines Day which in turn is 1 day before payday, so do I spend the cash getting hammered on my birthday or on flowers and chocs for the other half, hmmmmmmm, hard choice really :)
     
  12. TheIronDuke

    TheIronDuke LE Book Reviewer

    Jesus. Thank God that Good CO (peace be upon His name) brought me here to educate the clueless.

    Right. Heres the deal. Valentines is like rings (on the finger, not your fantasy anal up the ring. Pay attention). You dont give a fuck about them, but she does. Why I hear you ask? Good question.

    Because she wants to give it large with her mates. "Ohhh look what he got me. It is two carat". Same with Valentines. So save money and knock up some bit of tat you made yourself. Doesnt matter if it is shite. She will then say "He gave me a hand made card". Sorted.

    There will be no fee for this advice. Good CO pays me a retainer. Because he loves you.
     
  13. [​IMG]

    Bickies, Bickies, just for you.

    A Secret Admirer xxxx
     
  14. If the Doris can show the big blue viens in her funbags when she wears low cut tops.... I think that I should be able to show everyone my Big Blue Vein as well.....

    "Roses are Red,
    Big Blue Veins are erect...
    I think that I....
    Do need some help..!"