V-Day Corkers for Arrsers

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Andy_S, Feb 13, 2012.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Andy_S

    Andy_S LE Book Reviewer


    The clock is ticking down the the biggest day of the year yet again: St Valentine's Day is just around the corner.

    With H-hour approaching inexorably, I trust you are all busily digging up the neighbour's rose garden and/or be-ribboning multiple boxes of Milk Tray. However, a gift is not enough! A liberal application of cheese - cheese in the verbal sense - is also required.

    Given that some fellows become tongue-tied when confronted by an attractive maiden under the sophisticated lighting, of, say, a Scunthorpe nightclub, I offer you (free) the following corker of a line. Men! Use this one right - rehearsals are suggested - and it's deal sealed.

    Here it is:

    "Doris! Mildred! Bertha!" (Delete as appropriate)*

    "My, but you are a vision of moon-lit loveliness tonight." (Pause here for dramatic effect. You have her attention.)

    "Let me take you upon my manly shoulders (flex rippling delts at this point) and casevac you up the Mountain of Love..." (adopt dashing, manly look)

    "...to the Peak of Ecstasy!" (Take stance, stand fast, prepare arms for her to fall into).

    Due to the seismically powerful nature of this love charm, I regret to say the following conditions apply:
    - One Arrser, one use only;
    - Copyrighted Andy_S; and
    - All successful users, kindly PM pictures of your conquest to me.

    So there ye have it. Dare I suggest - in the interests of chappish solidarity? - that other Arrsers post their own corkers, crackers and belters so we can benefit from each others' experience in matters of the heart?


    *For those seeking chap-on-chap action on this holiest of days:
    Simply insert Harry, Rodrigo or Butch in place of Doris, Mildred or Bertha and you, too, are sorted!
  2. TheIronDuke

    TheIronDuke LE Book Reviewer

    Can we have a Tims forum?
  3. Bet you still want the pics too you deviant
  4. "Tha' don't sweat much for a fat lass" seems to be about all that is required.
  5. Is that just as you hit the vinegar stroke after minutes of vigorous thrusting?

    Ive always found the line 'Do you wish to take a ride on my disco stick?' works a treat.
  6. Hey up Doris, I haven't got much but what I've got will fill a pram :wink:
    Works for me :)
  7. "Love you, I fuck you don't I?"
  8. "I'm going to bend over. And when I do.... staaaaaaart fucking!!!!"

    To be honest, it never really worked for me in the way I had hoped.
    • Like Like x 2
  9. Andy_S

    Andy_S LE Book Reviewer


    "Tha' don't sweat much for a fat lass"

    Outstanding phrasing there old fruit, I doff my lid to ye.

    I'll try this one out on Lady Ophelia at the ball. Stylish wit of this sophistication has got to a garner a result, methinks.


    Bet you still want the pics too you deviant

    Deviant? Moi?

    Frankly...er, no, you may refrain. But it was a kind thought.

    There again, if a shemale is involved - Harriette, Rodriguette or Butchess - it might be educational.
  10. Wotcher mean, you've got a headache? I don't want to fuck yer 'ed.
    • Like Like x 1
  11. You're just weird!!!
    Any normal arrser would want the pic regardless of subject ffs!
  12. Andy_S

    Andy_S LE Book Reviewer


    "normal Arrser"

    Shome mishtake, shurely? Is there such a beast?
  13. Nope no mistake.
    What passes for normal on here isn't normal for everyone else :)

    PS - Don't use the Sean Connery voice to ask your Mrs to sit on your face :wink:
  14. Boldnotold

    Boldnotold LE Book Reviewer

    Speaking as an arrse maiden, could I point out that
    'My name's Dick, do you like it?'

    will get you nowhere?

    Thank you.
  15. If I don't get a Valentine's Day card from any of you lot tomorrow, you're dead to me.


    (c) IronDuke