Useful advice for recruits

#1
I was idly thinking of what useful advice the older soldier can give to a new recruit to help them find their way around what must be a vast and confusing new enviroment.
For example;
In any garrison town, say Colchester, if you see in a pub of an evening an obvious group of squaddies in jeans, maroon t-shirts go up to them and in a clear voice say
''You are all hats, and I claim my prize!''
They are bound by tradition to agree with you and buy you drinks for the rest of the evening.
That sort of helpful hint.
 
#2
When joining the arrse community, always type in chav text/speak, The older members love it.
 
#3
What like "If the RSM shouts at you and you run away and get out of his sight within 15 seconds then you won't get into any trouble" sort of advice?
 

old_fat_and_hairy

LE
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
#4
When talking to an older and more experienced soldier, always remeber to respectfully point out that he is a dinasour and you are the future, and you know more than he. Remember to advise him on weapon handling, marksmanship, fieldcraft and tactics. It will be greatly appreciated, and, if you can point out that he has wasted so much time on appearance that could have been spent on other things.
 
#5
Always ask why when you are told to do something.

In fact question everything. You will be marked out as inquisitive and fast tracked to promotion
 

old_fat_and_hairy

LE
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
#6
Don't forget; if you think that something you have been told to do is pointless and stupid, don't hesitate to point this out, and the more senior the NCo that you tell, the better. It's important to know that L/cpls and Cpls are just really like monitors at school, and you don't actually have to take any notice of them. And as for the big, loud bloke at the guardroom, he is just like a security guard at the Arndale centre. Ignore him.
 
#7
Always turn up 5 minutes late for everything, even guard duty, then explain that you don't own a watch and if the Army thought you needed one they would have issued it.
 
#8
When going to see your Coy Clk to get an advance of pay, because you entered your bank details onto JPA incorrectly for 3 months running, always point out that the clerks don't know what there doing and there are only REMFs afterall. This will ensure that you get the level of service you deserve.
 

Biped

LE
Book Reviewer
#9
Ask why it is that ossiffers have blokes that do things for them, like drive, that you, as a new bloke who is still learning the ropes, doesn't.
 
#11
You can tell the ord Office, Sgt to fnuck off and as long as you are in your pit they cant touch you
 
#12
Recruits, Don't waste money buying expensive binoculars. Simply stand next to the object you wish to view.
 
#13
When you first go to the NAAFI and they offer you a NAAFI credit card, take it and purchase every electrical good on display then sell them 2 days before pay day to a pad for £100.
 
#14
Always bear in mind that whatever IW you have, the one before it was always better and never jammed/was easier to clean/was more accurate...

Even if it was a bow and arrow...
 
#15
57Chevy said:
When going to see your Coy Clk to get an advance of pay, because you entered your bank details onto JPA incorrectly for 3 months running, always point out that the clerks don't know what there doing and there are only REMFs afterall. This will ensure that you get the level of service you deserve.
That explains a lot. 8O
 
#16
Never iron your CS95, it will loose it's IRR ability thus giving you away to the enemy.
 
#17
When fuelling up with diesel remember to inform the MT staff that deisel only ignites under pressure allowing you to smoke next to the pumps.
 
#19
Be the first to kick off in the pub when down town, thus showing everyone that you are not to be messed with.
 
#20
Always look after your kit, and if you see anyone else's lying around trash it, that way you'll always be the smartest.
 

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