Guy goes to the doctors - "Doc - I think I've broken my arm" Doctor passes him a sample bottle and says "Fill this first thing in the morning and bring it in" "WHAT - this is surgical, not medical - why the hell do you want a urine sample" "Look - I'm the doctor and I'm also an expert when it comes to urine samples - no need to send it off to the path lab - a quick sniff and you'll be fully diagnosed" "But ...... oh sod it - give it here" So the guy goes home and next morning fills the bottle with........ some engine oil from his car, gets his wife to pee in it and then he ejaculates into it. Takes it down to the surgery - gives it a good shake before handing it to the doc (thinks - 'sort THAT lot out you tosser') The doc holds it up to the light frowning, takes a sniff and draws back then dips a finger in and tastes a drop. "Come on then smartarse - what's the diagnosis then?" says the guy. "Well, Mr Brown" says the doc. "Your engine is seized, your wife is pregnant - by your brother -and if you don't stop playing with yourself your arm's never going to get better, is it!"