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Urgent insult assistance required!!

#1
Im putting an email together to send to a colleague who is always cocking up. He's always wrong or dropping clangers but has somehow pulled a blinder today and wont shut up about it.

What I'm looking for is something along the lines of "the sun shines on a dogs arse now and again" but more insulting and funnier (which isnt hard)

Seeing as you lot are the nastiest bunch of belligerant barstewards I know I thought you wordsmiths could lend a hand. It doesnt matter how vile it is as I'm the team leader and its only going to folks with my sense of humour.

Cheers SS
 

TheIronDuke

ADC
Book Reviewer
#2
It doesnt matter how vile it is as I'm the team leader and its only going to folks with my sense of humour.

Cheers SS
Dear Twatdangle,

You are such a fucking doss cunt you have made me lose the will to live, or at least to work. I want nothing more than to lie in a puddle of piss under a motorway bridge chugging a purple tin. So I am going to send this email to folks with my sense of humour in the sure and certain knowlege that by Monday it will have viralled into the Inbox of everyone in the enterprise including my boss who has a face like the smell of gas and stinks of fish.

Kind regards, steven seagull.
 
#3
Dear Twatdangle,

You are such a fucking doss cunt you have made me lose the will to live, or at least to work. I want nothing more than to lie in a puddle of piss under a motorway bridge chugging a purple tin. So I am going to send this email to folks with my sense of humour in the sure and certain knowlege that by Monday it will have viralled into the Inbox of everyone in the enterprise including my boss who has a face like the smell of gas and stinks of fish.

Kind regards, steven seagull.
Thankfully it won't be a problem as he is the boss and knows he's a bluffing fucker.
 
#4
The adult human brain is estimated to contain from 1014 to 5 × 1014 (100-500 trillion) synapses. Congratulations, you have located and used the two in your brain that are wired correctly.
 

TheIronDuke

ADC
Book Reviewer
#5
Thankfully it won't be a problem as he is the boss and knows he's a bluffing fucker.
Then fuck insults. Action this day. Scoot down Tesco and get a jar of chunky peanut butter. Scoop it out and mould on the bonnet of his car with a point on top. Wipe out the jar with bog roll and stick that on the bonnet. Retire and giggle.
 
#7
dear boss

you did well today. amazing. congratulations. you're a throbber though and have no clue and stuff about things y'know? i know.
i'm a team leader. that's because i'm brilliant, and you're a mong and know nothing, but you're still my boss.
i wanted to write you a funny abusive email but couldn't think of anything. so i asked some guys on the internet who are really hardcore if they could write one up for me.

that's my humour.

bye
 
#8
dear boss

you did well today. amazing. congratulations. you're a throbber though and have no clue and stuff about things y'know? i know.
i'm a team leader. that's because i'm brilliant, and you're a mong and know nothing, but you're still my boss.
i wanted to write you a funny abusive email but couldn't think of anything. so i asked some guys on the internet who are really hardcore if they could write one up for me.

that's my humour.

bye
Careful or I'll set Stacker1 on you again. :)
 
#10
Dear inbred,

you have now shown that sound mind and moment of clarity that allowed you to climb out of the abortion bucket all those years ago. Kudos! Just remember you are still a dull retarded fuck whit who smells of wee and is very much ridiculed, even to your face but you are too thick to notice.

Have a good day


p.s. Please do not have kids, or force us to meet the missus again.
 
#11
Im putting an email together to send to a colleague who is always cocking up. He's always wrong or dropping clangers but has somehow pulled a blinder today and wont shut up about it.

What I'm looking for is something along the lines of "the sun shines on a dogs arse now and again" but more insulting and funnier (which isnt hard)

Seeing as you lot are the nastiest bunch of belligerant barstewards I know I thought you wordsmiths could lend a hand. It doesnt matter how vile it is as I'm the team leader and its only going to folks with my sense of humour.

Cheers SS
You may need to remind him that 'you can't polish a turd'.
 

TheIronDuke

ADC
Book Reviewer
#13
Why bother with the peanut butter, coil one yourself and save the expense.
Because the grit on your shoes would scratch the bonnet and get you nicked. Unless you wander around the place barefoot you fucking hippy. Fancy a Mu tea do you? Jesus. Why do I bother?

You could of course, squeeze one out into your hand? If that is one of your life-skills, please contact my associates at Joy Angels. We pay out in Euro's.
 
#15
Breaking sports news.........................................

'Getting it Right' have just pulled one back against 'Normal Cock-ups'.

Current score. GIR 1 NCU 10
 
#16
Boss, you spend the whole of your pathetic life spewing out a sea of shit, today in amongst that shit was a very faint glimmer of gold. Fair enough it was the wrapper off a Caramac, but it was there. You shit spewing fucking no-mark!
 

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