Urban myths about RAF Coppers

Discussion in 'Aviation' started by mistersoft, Feb 18, 2006.

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  1. Not really but thought since over eighty-one thousand people have opinions on those two threads then I could get a bit of the action. i'm not knocking anybody or any threads but you have to wonder what the attraction is. I can see it with Urban Myths, heard a few myself but apart from gunting a reply to somebody grunting a question at RAF Guetersloh, I have never had any dealings whatsoever with the RAF Police.

    Sorry that's wrong. Yes I know here he goes, well there's always the proper threads, I don't care, eighty-one thousand can't be wrong, well maybe sisty-eight thousand but they can't all be wrong.

    I had the dubious pleasure of accompanying 652 Sqn AAC on their jaunt down south. So a trip in a luxury army coach driven by Wolfgang to RAF Guetersloh. Might have seen an RAF Copper then, can't remember, I thought they only came out during the day, it was night, I was tired, tell a lie, I was pished. Onto a luxury Crab Air VC10 with seats actually fixed to the floor, went for a couple of jaunts (with seat) on the way to Canada so relieved to see them firmly locked to the floor. Arrived Ascension Island and was relieved to be given permission to roll up sleeves. Felt sorry for the crabs in their shorts by Man at C&A and matching blousons, they looked horribly brown and tanned and healthy. We were rufty-tufty army on our way down to a war zone and what's a little sweat for a bunch of trained killers but at least our arms got a bit brown.

    We were shepherded by one of the crabcoats to our accommodation, a lovely tent with south facing flap and north facing flap for those who didn't want the sun all day. The room (?), sorry the tent had beds and lizards but the lizards got it on the sheer amount of them. We asked the crabcoat that since this accommodation was taken, wasn't there something else such as stone built or brick built as we were sure he didn't live in fcuking tent doing his camp duties. There was no other accommodation so we ejected the lizards out of the south flap but they just came in anywhere and everywhere. So forgetting the lizards for just a second we made ourselves at home which involved rolling out your maggot and then having to tell the lizard to fcuk off as it was crawling into your maggot. Lizards were usually flicked onto the next bed which meant that at either end, the bed was crawling with them This done and feeling perfectly at home we realised that life was becoming bearable so this must been that we werte sobering up so the hunt for a top up building was started. The NAAFI was quite impressive with all the things you would expect in a NAAFI though no vomit which was a surprise.

    There were units going down to the Falklands and units on their way back and the crabcoats who ran the transit camp. We were not going to be outdone even if we were on our way to the Falklands. Our empty can mountain stood supreme over all and sundry and even the crabcoats were impressed but they were drinking creme de menthe so couldn't really join in. We outsung, outdrank all and sundry and created quite an impression which meant there was vomit there after all. We were even joined by some civvy contractors, it was like Auf Widersehen Pet meets Soldier Soldier only we were real soldiers (?) pished but real.

    The evening drew to a close the the crabcoats left to be first in the queue for the hair dryer, even those going home left and headed for their beds and their lizards. A NAAFI thing, sex unknown or undetermined asked us to leave but the civvies had more beer so we helped them drink it and told the NAAFI object to fcuk off. This had not gone down well as two white hatted policemen with one dog without white hat arrived on the scene. We told them to fcuk off as well while one of civvies stroked the dog which had looked fierce but was a big softy much to it's handler's annoyance. The white hatted gentlemen tried pyschology and appealing to our better natures and think about the unit which set them back a good half hour but we were slowly coming round. One of the civvies looked at his watch and decided it was time for a fight so launched into one of the white hatted gentlemen. The dog lay there quite wisely not wanting to get involved and we did the same. The civvy had another look at his watch and decided the time for fighting was over and joined us as turned over tables and chairs on our way out. We wobbled our way back to our five star tent and tried to find our beds. I apologized twice to a lizard because I thought I was in the wrong bed but it wasnt. We drifted off into a drunken stupor and hoped we would have time for some sleep in the morning.

    The following morning, we woke, the light was too bright, the breakfast was inedible, it was actually quite nice but in our states anything was inedible. The lizards looked remarkably healthy, smug bastaaads but we were not. In the distance we could see the NAAFI being straightened, somebody shouted "We'll be back" and we started on the trip down south proper but that's yet another story.

    Please excuse and typing errors or bad spelling or grammar, i'm not ignorant or not much but my typing skills are average at best and total shite at worst. I apologize if I've got you here under false pretences, still it could be worse, somebody's thread about NAAFI ashtrays through the ages or sole impressions of army boots since WWII.
  2. Were you Stella'd up when you wrote this? The A2 cleaning manual was a better read than this.................

    And, after 18 years, I can't ever remember crabair having police dogs at Asi.
  3. You're entitled to your opinion, I'm entitled to mine. Others (humans) have enjoyed my rubbish, you don't have to. I think I smell a bit of THEM and US and THEM is fcuking crabs.
  4. If you don't like it - don't read it! It's not difficult to click a button on the mouse is it?

    mistersoft: Keep it up. I, for one, always look forward to your posts :wink:
  5. Thanks legs, there's always one, let's hope it is just one but they do sometimes let them out in pairs. He's entitled to his opinion, I've got mine and I don't agree with all the posts I see but and it's a big but (like mine) I just let them get on with it. I hope somebody gets the hint. Thanks again legs.
  6. Just thought I'd add that I'm man enough (just) to say I might remember things wrong. I don't bullshit, I don't lie and maybe things get spiced up a bit but if I remember a dog then a canine with four legs and teeth and it probably had a fcuking number was there. But then I could be wrong. Also despite your eighteen years aes69, it was 22 years ago. Things happened before my time that I wouldn't dream commenting about unless I knew the facts. As I said read my crap, think it's crap but you've made your point, I'm not exactly a fan of you either and don't look for the card at Christmas, you're off the list.
  7. This is dead in the water, thought I'd be sarcastic. backfired bigtime cxomtemplating ending it, not not suicide but the thread but then there's always another story. Oh shit I hear you all say but you don't have to read it. i'll type it anyway.

    This isn't RAF Coppers but RMP who I have a great respect for (sniggers), I've even seen the series once, not the complete series just one episode. During my years at 71 there was the constant threat of terrorism, not helped when Jack Straw let that bitch off, the one that bombed Osnabruck but was having a bad hair day because she was pregnant. I used to get Bumbly Fumbly up near Blomberg where I lived. No teletext, signal not strong enough so it was Arsenal ? and Liverpool * a bit like listening to the world service in FI, brought to you live from the wings of biplane.

    I had been doing my usual shop at Conti and driving past the start of the camp where the caravans were stored was a white Golf with an Ian Botham lookalike peering into the fence. The evening before of bumbly I had seen the RMP equivalent of Police 5 where a bloke looking exactly like this one had been seen driving a white golf and hanging around a barracks. Not being a believer in concidence I phoned the RMP when I got home. Apparently the Landrover had gone breasts up and they couldn't send anybody out but would I pop round in the morning.

    I popped in as requested and was surprised that what I had reported was just about taken down and didn't seem to be treated seriously. I don't believe I saved Detmold but this could and I say could have been a recce for a later attack and I'm sure those that would have had to stag on were glad but the security state was not altered.

    I said after that I would just drive by next time but it's not in my nature, I hate caravans with a vengeance but still believe in doing what's right. I'm not slagging off the RMP really but it just seemed that you put out a tv message, somebody responds and nothing seems to get done, unless you can tell me different that is.

    If there's a medal in it, I can provide my full postal address and if it's money is it ok to put it in my offshore account?
  8. Another quality couple of posts Mistersoft, keep them coming, it makes my Sunday Duty pass by quicker.

  9. Thanks sparky. Just starting a new one
  10. You are ferkin nuts!

    But a good writer with some humourous tales to tell......

    This is the longest I have snuck around this site in a oner hunting down your stories!

    And don't worry about crabs mate, I'm stuck on an RAF camp at present and they make army cadets look like pros ;)
  11. Thanks it helps to be fcuking nuts. Not worried about crabs, my cousin was one, my uncle was but then we don't talk about that side of the family much.

    Seriously though thanks
  14. Secret Army...now that brings back memories!!!

  15. It brings back the wrong memories as Secret Army was first transmitted in 1977 and I may have been childish at times but that was not the show I was thinking of. A French Resistance series it was in black and white complete with the compulsory wobbly scenery. More the time of the Army Game for those with very long memories. It shows what happens when you post first and engage brain second.