Urban myths about RAF Coppers

#1
Not really but thought since over eighty-one thousand people have opinions on those two threads then I could get a bit of the action. i'm not knocking anybody or any threads but you have to wonder what the attraction is. I can see it with Urban Myths, heard a few myself but apart from gunting a reply to somebody grunting a question at RAF Guetersloh, I have never had any dealings whatsoever with the RAF Police.

Sorry that's wrong. Yes I know here he goes, well there's always the proper threads, I don't care, eighty-one thousand can't be wrong, well maybe sisty-eight thousand but they can't all be wrong.

I had the dubious pleasure of accompanying 652 Sqn AAC on their jaunt down south. So a trip in a luxury army coach driven by Wolfgang to RAF Guetersloh. Might have seen an RAF Copper then, can't remember, I thought they only came out during the day, it was night, I was tired, tell a lie, I was pished. Onto a luxury Crab Air VC10 with seats actually fixed to the floor, went for a couple of jaunts (with seat) on the way to Canada so relieved to see them firmly locked to the floor. Arrived Ascension Island and was relieved to be given permission to roll up sleeves. Felt sorry for the crabs in their shorts by Man at C&A and matching blousons, they looked horribly brown and tanned and healthy. We were rufty-tufty army on our way down to a war zone and what's a little sweat for a bunch of trained killers but at least our arms got a bit brown.

We were shepherded by one of the crabcoats to our accommodation, a lovely tent with south facing flap and north facing flap for those who didn't want the sun all day. The room (?), sorry the tent had beds and lizards but the lizards got it on the sheer amount of them. We asked the crabcoat that since this accommodation was taken, wasn't there something else such as stone built or brick built as we were sure he didn't live in fcuking tent doing his camp duties. There was no other accommodation so we ejected the lizards out of the south flap but they just came in anywhere and everywhere. So forgetting the lizards for just a second we made ourselves at home which involved rolling out your maggot and then having to tell the lizard to fcuk off as it was crawling into your maggot. Lizards were usually flicked onto the next bed which meant that at either end, the bed was crawling with them This done and feeling perfectly at home we realised that life was becoming bearable so this must been that we werte sobering up so the hunt for a top up building was started. The NAAFI was quite impressive with all the things you would expect in a NAAFI though no vomit which was a surprise.

There were units going down to the Falklands and units on their way back and the crabcoats who ran the transit camp. We were not going to be outdone even if we were on our way to the Falklands. Our empty can mountain stood supreme over all and sundry and even the crabcoats were impressed but they were drinking creme de menthe so couldn't really join in. We outsung, outdrank all and sundry and created quite an impression which meant there was vomit there after all. We were even joined by some civvy contractors, it was like Auf Widersehen Pet meets Soldier Soldier only we were real soldiers (?) pished but real.

The evening drew to a close the the crabcoats left to be first in the queue for the hair dryer, even those going home left and headed for their beds and their lizards. A NAAFI thing, sex unknown or undetermined asked us to leave but the civvies had more beer so we helped them drink it and told the NAAFI object to fcuk off. This had not gone down well as two white hatted policemen with one dog without white hat arrived on the scene. We told them to fcuk off as well while one of civvies stroked the dog which had looked fierce but was a big softy much to it's handler's annoyance. The white hatted gentlemen tried pyschology and appealing to our better natures and think about the unit which set them back a good half hour but we were slowly coming round. One of the civvies looked at his watch and decided it was time for a fight so launched into one of the white hatted gentlemen. The dog lay there quite wisely not wanting to get involved and we did the same. The civvy had another look at his watch and decided the time for fighting was over and joined us as turned over tables and chairs on our way out. We wobbled our way back to our five star tent and tried to find our beds. I apologized twice to a lizard because I thought I was in the wrong bed but it wasnt. We drifted off into a drunken stupor and hoped we would have time for some sleep in the morning.

The following morning, we woke, the light was too bright, the breakfast was inedible, it was actually quite nice but in our states anything was inedible. The lizards looked remarkably healthy, smug bastaaads but we were not. In the distance we could see the NAAFI being straightened, somebody shouted "We'll be back" and we started on the trip down south proper but that's yet another story.

Please excuse and typing errors or bad spelling or grammar, i'm not ignorant or not much but my typing skills are average at best and total shite at worst. I apologize if I've got you here under false pretences, still it could be worse, somebody's thread about NAAFI ashtrays through the ages or sole impressions of army boots since WWII.
 
#2
Were you Stella'd up when you wrote this? The A2 cleaning manual was a better read than this.................

And, after 18 years, I can't ever remember crabair having police dogs at Asi.
 
#3
aes69 said:
Were you Stella'd up when you wrote this? The A2 cleaning manual was a better read than this.................

And, after 18 years, I can't ever remember crabair having police dogs at Asi.
You're entitled to your opinion, I'm entitled to mine. Others (humans) have enjoyed my rubbish, you don't have to. I think I smell a bit of THEM and US and THEM is fcuking crabs.
 

Legs

ADC
Book Reviewer
#4
aes69 said:
Were you Stella'd up when you wrote this? The A2 cleaning manual was a better read than this.................

And, after 18 years, I can't ever remember crabair having police dogs at Asi.
If you don't like it - don't read it! It's not difficult to click a button on the mouse is it?

mistersoft: Keep it up. I, for one, always look forward to your posts :wink:
 
#5
Legs said:
aes69 said:
Were you Stella'd up when you wrote this? The A2 cleaning manual was a better read than this.................

And, after 18 years, I can't ever remember crabair having police dogs at Asi.
If you don't like it - don't read it! It's not difficult to click a button on the mouse is it?

mistersoft Keep it up. I, for one, always look forward to your posts wink
Thanks legs, there's always one, let's hope it is just one but they do sometimes let them out in pairs. He's entitled to his opinion, I've got mine and I don't agree with all the posts I see but and it's a big but (like mine) I just let them get on with it. I hope somebody gets the hint. Thanks again legs.
 
#6
Just thought I'd add that I'm man enough (just) to say I might remember things wrong. I don't bullshit, I don't lie and maybe things get spiced up a bit but if I remember a dog then a canine with four legs and teeth and it probably had a fcuking number was there. But then I could be wrong. Also despite your eighteen years aes69, it was 22 years ago. Things happened before my time that I wouldn't dream commenting about unless I knew the facts. As I said read my crap, think it's crap but you've made your point, I'm not exactly a fan of you either and don't look for the card at Christmas, you're off the list.
 
#7
This is dead in the water, thought I'd be sarcastic. backfired bigtime cxomtemplating ending it, not not suicide but the thread but then there's always another story. Oh shit I hear you all say but you don't have to read it. i'll type it anyway.

This isn't RAF Coppers but RMP who I have a great respect for (sniggers), I've even seen the series once, not the complete series just one episode. During my years at 71 there was the constant threat of terrorism, not helped when Jack Straw let that bitch off, the one that bombed Osnabruck but was having a bad hair day because she was pregnant. I used to get Bumbly Fumbly up near Blomberg where I lived. No teletext, signal not strong enough so it was Arsenal ? and Liverpool * a bit like listening to the world service in FI, brought to you live from the wings of biplane.

I had been doing my usual shop at Conti and driving past the start of the camp where the caravans were stored was a white Golf with an Ian Botham lookalike peering into the fence. The evening before of bumbly I had seen the RMP equivalent of Police 5 where a bloke looking exactly like this one had been seen driving a white golf and hanging around a barracks. Not being a believer in concidence I phoned the RMP when I got home. Apparently the Landrover had gone breasts up and they couldn't send anybody out but would I pop round in the morning.

I popped in as requested and was surprised that what I had reported was just about taken down and didn't seem to be treated seriously. I don't believe I saved Detmold but this could and I say could have been a recce for a later attack and I'm sure those that would have had to stag on were glad but the security state was not altered.

I said after that I would just drive by next time but it's not in my nature, I hate caravans with a vengeance but still believe in doing what's right. I'm not slagging off the RMP really but it just seemed that you put out a tv message, somebody responds and nothing seems to get done, unless you can tell me different that is.

If there's a medal in it, I can provide my full postal address and if it's money is it ok to put it in my offshore account?
 
#10
You are ferkin nuts!

But a good writer with some humourous tales to tell......

This is the longest I have snuck around this site in a oner hunting down your stories!

And don't worry about crabs mate, I'm stuck on an RAF camp at present and they make army cadets look like pros ;)
 
#11
me n bee said:
You are ferkin nuts!

But a good writer with some humourous tales to tell......

This is the longest I have snuck around this site in a oner hunting down your stories!

And don't worry about crabs mate, I'm stuck on an RAF camp at present and they make army cadets look like pros ;)
Thanks it helps to be fcuking nuts. Not worried about crabs, my cousin was one, my uncle was but then we don't talk about that side of the family much.

Seriously though thanks
 
#12
mistersoft said:
me n bee said:
Not worried about crabs, my cousin was one, my uncle was but then we don't talk about that side of the family much.
[/quote

You think you've got it bad - my father was a crab and i have to live with that every single day!!

At least he wasn't an RAF copper - i would've leapt off a bridge by now if he was!!!!

barrier up
 
#13
moogee said:
mistersoft said:
me n bee said:
Not worried about crabs, my cousin was one, my uncle was but then we don't talk about that side of the family much.
[/quote

You think you've got it bad - my father was a crab and i have to live with that every single day!!

At least he wasn't an RAF copper - i would've leapt off a bridge by now if he was!!!!

barrier up
I sympathize moogee, my uncle was always on about the superior RAF to use meer pongos and of course my two stripes were far inferior to his son's slack handful of propellers and his pay was superior to mine and his training was better and swinderby was like butlins but they just walked together more often and he would see more of the world and meet better girls and have more babies and they wouldn't grow up as retards and on and fcuking on he went. I showed him the latest pay scales at the time and shot him down in flames on the rest and drove home the point that at least the army hadn't killed Glen Miller.

My dad was Royal Signals though was only a pad brat for three years so not long enough or too young to develop that chip on my shoulder. He did teach morse to the TA now that's showing some age but had great fun in the cupboard under the stairs (don't make it up yourself) playing secret army which was my favourite tv prog at the time. Even learned morse, forgot it now and morse be it the dots and the dashes or the pompous twat from Oxford is so fcuking boring.
 
#15
Magic_Mushroom said:
Secret Army...now that brings back memories!!!

Regards,
MM
It brings back the wrong memories as Secret Army was first transmitted in 1977 and I may have been childish at times but that was not the show I was thinking of. A French Resistance series it was in black and white complete with the compulsory wobbly scenery. More the time of the Army Game for those with very long memories. It shows what happens when you post first and engage brain second.
 
#16
MM I remember secret army as well, just thought it was older, tried to find what it was I used to watch, couldn't find anything on Yahoo, I don't suppose it matters really
 
#18
Magic_Mushroom said:
Mr S,
You must be older than I thought!! I was thinking of this.
regards,
MM
MM I'm older than I think. I remember seeing that (Secret Army). What I remembered was probably just an earlier version along the same lines. I've racked my brain (note the singular here) and trawled through Yahoo and all the nostalgia isn't what it used to be sites and can see anything that jogs the memory. There was a series first transmitted 1957 called OSS which if it ran a few years could have been it. I was born late 1954 and came back to the UK in 1957 so that's a possibility. I have an old Lett's schoolboy's diary and it reads like the TV Times or the Radio Times with Bootsie and Snudge apparently a favourite of mine but no mention of why I was pumping out the morse from my covert location under the stairs.
 
#19
No not a story about RAF Coppers but the RMP again and actually something positive. Sorry I promise I won't ever do it again but thought somebody might enjoy the day of my 30th birthday, celebrated on the 652 Sqn AAC tour of the Falklands.

It was Christmas Day, 1984 and Rick (with the silent P) popped in on the way down to Stanley. We were heading for FIBS as Colin MacDonald the BFBS DJ had invited us down. We had been hoping it was going to be Nankers but Colin had lost and was to hold the fort for the festive morning. Rick was the tech toolstoreman and despite his unofficial nickname was an ok bloke, loud and totally loopy but ok. We had both cornered Colin at one of the regular Friday happy hours where we had received the invite to come on down. The happy hours had become legendary in the Falklands where you rubbed shoulders with all and sundry, even Bennys or Stills (Still Bennys) when the world's worst kept secret got out.

Nankers was always in his element as his army of fan (note the singular) would buy him drinks all night. Nankers did have many more fans but they had cottoned on to the fact that hero worship can be expensive as you have to ply your hero with drink all evening. We had once caught a glimpse of the Nankers wallet but had never seen him actually open it. Colin on the other hand would buy a round but we put that down to his lack of experience. Nankers wasn't really tight, it was just that the evidence happened to match the rumours. He did buy a few drinks, people fell over but people did that anyway.

It was my birthday and what a place to celebrate it as the rain started, then stopped, then the sun shone and then it rained but the wind dropped to be replaced by a shower and more rain followed by a sunny spell. So the fifteen minute walk to FIBS went without anything unusual happening. Rick and I had discussed in great detail, the exciting things that had gone on the previous evening. Apparently he had gone to the NAAFI and got pished, then staggered back to his portakabin with a slack handful of opened cans and drank them and got more pished. Strangely enough my evening had been quite similar as I had seen him in the NAAFI before the alcohol had really sunk in as I think I might have been pished myself.

We had resisted the temptation to go on safari. This involved going to the Victory Bar which always looked as though it was in the middle of a refit but was actually always like that. The toilets had tongue and groove panelling but no groove as it hadn't been finished and if you didn't pish down your own leg then the flush system got you instead as that wasn't quite finished either. The safari bit was a certain Sergeant T's idea as we all drank elephant beer which meant you got pished even quicker. Unfortunately the RMP would sit just down the road and lift anybody that wobbled as drunkeness was a prevalent offence. I saw them many a time trying not to look like an RMP patrol with blue tit on top as if they were just waiting for their mums or something totally innocent. There was to be a crack down as it was the festive period and goodwill to all men but still a good time to lift somebody for tripping over his shoelace just to enhance the Christmas mood.

FIBS was still getting over the arrival of real human beings and real DJs albeit BFBS DJs. The home grown talent consisting of Bendy Wendy or Adelle and Pauline were average on a good day and total shite at on a bad one. The ability to play 'Agadoo' by Black Lace does not make you a DJ. It was number one in Falklands charts with even sheep being heard to remark, it was a catchy tune but shame about the lyrics. Another stalwart which was later banned by Nankers was 'I just called to say I love you' by Stevie Wonder. The fact that you couldn't call or not that often just made the song more poignant and therefore played more often. The facilities of Cable and Wireless were not the best and queues of irate ETs (phone home) were often seen, peaking at a few hundred around Christmas to a few hundred more at New Year as every second contracter seemed to be Scottish. We were still sure we were in the Shetlands or the Orkneys and this seemed evidence of the fact.

I think it was Bendy Wendy who played the request for Mike Hunt (think about it) to everybody's amusement and Adelle and Pauline would read out a request by Gunner Rhea for some Whitesnake but then play some Abba as they didn't like heavy music. The daily minefield reports were usually boring but one day it was heard that a sheep had blown itself to bits on a mine (probably suicide) and the DJ asked if it was dead. Oh how we laughed and then the ultimate contradiction fcuked up. An intelligence officer broadcast a report that HMS ********* was in town on a secret mission. It was so secret that there were christmas lights from the conning tower fore and aft but the poor sod got in deep shite for that. Shame!

So we entered FIBS expecting some sort of technology but saw the dial where that master of distortion, whistling and atmospheric farting was dragged in, the BBC World Service. Every Saturday we would wait for the football results and hear Arsenal: whistle, pop, crack, fart, Liverpool 2. The trouble was that Arsenal weren't playing Liverpool that week so we had obviously missed a great chunk of the results. One week somebody tuned in to the African BBC World Service and they don't even do the football results. That somebody did rectify it which was great for the East Fife fans but not for the vast majority of us. Live from the wings of a bi-plane Nankers would say but I personally didn't think it as good as that.

So we settled down and watched Colin operating the deck and twiddling a knob but it was all too technical for us. I did get a shock as my wife had sent in a request so I was gobsmacked and silent live on the radio and this was broadcast to the entire islands, all those people, most of them still asleep or doing un-natural things with sheep so not the great embarassment it seemed at the time. I had to pick my own record as the extensive library didn't have my specific favourite but I did find a suitable alternative. No Black fcuking Lace, No Stevie fcuking Wonder so ended up with Cyndy Lauper. Shame the wife had asked for Fleetwood Mac. It was an extensive record library but at least it was lockable and had a handle and you could carry it around with you, much easier for the DJ.

So the broadcast came to an end and Colin handed over to a non-entity or FIBS DJ. He mentioned that he had been invited down to the RMP mess and suggested we come down as well. We all needed a drink, I was still slightly gobsmacked, Colin needed one after trying to keep his valves warm and Rick just needed a drink because that was Rick. We entered the mess and were greeted by the CSM (?) and various officers and plods of the RMP, even some civvy police. I was told off as I had called the CSM (?) and the officers sir but the CSM (?) himself introduced himself as Dennis and the officers as Algernon and Arbuthnot. Not really but I'm fcuked if I can remember details like that. So it was one big happy family and I did lapse into a bout of sir but was promptly told off by Dennis who bought me another drink and finding out it was my birthday, bought me yet another. It was all going swimmingly.

Colin did explain to us that the reason it was Dennis and not sir was that he thought we were sound engineers and in no way suspected we might be in any way shape or form military. I don't know how Rick felt but I felt quite proud of that, I mean you put the effort in and you finally get the rewards. The beer flowed, the conversation was struggling but my mate Dennis kept on buying so what the fcuk. He had found out that we weren't the sound engineers he first thought we were but still insisted on Dennis. Algernon and Arbuthnot were insisting on sir but since we weren't talking to them, it wasn't that important. It was about two in the afternoon and most people were pretty drunk, Rick was very drunk, I was shitefaced. We said our goodbyes and my mate Dennis arranged a landrover and dropped us all off, can't remember where Colin went but Rick and I went back to our respective portakabins.

The Christmas festivities were in full swing back at the portakabin. Somebody opened a present, somebody opened a card, somebody else played on the Commodore 64, it was just so festive. I had been hoping for a porsche or a house in the south of France so not seeing a key threw my presents in the bin along with the cards and went to sleep. I woke up later, early evening and staggered back down to the RMP mess. Dennis wasn't there but I was remembered so had a quiet drink, fell over and yet another landrover brought me back to the portakabin where I went to bed and stayed there until morning. Just another average day in FI but one hell of a birthday and Christmas.
 

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